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Original poster

5 days before the wedding

139 replies

Bellie99 · 09/08/2022 21:33

And 2 emails have been received by all guests from the bride,
One last night saying all women must wear a dress to the wedding and all men must wear day suits. (I have sorted my outfit months ago - trousers, cami and jacket, and DP has chinos and jacket )
Email two this afternoon, was asking all guests to change to smart casual for the evening reception.

I'm not brave enough for AIBU, but surely this is bonkers 5 days prior to the wedding, when invites were sent in January. If really wanted to have a dress code shouldn't it have been included with invite?

OP posts:
BanjoVio · 10/08/2022 11:31

Spaghag · 09/08/2022 21:47

So much for a wedding being about exchanging vows in the company of your nearest & dearest and celebrating together.

Is there a preferred style of dress?

What about a big white one 🤣

keeprunningupthathill · 10/08/2022 11:31

I mean update after the wedding!

hattie43 · 10/08/2022 11:32

I've never heard of such a thing .
Most people can be trusted to dress appropriately for a wedding

Maireas · 10/08/2022 11:33

viques · 10/08/2022 11:27

Maybe you could get together with other guests and all turn up in the pink Zara dress that is apparently the summer dress to wear this year. Worn by Eddie Izzard and Spanish Royalty, what other recommendation do you need, surely the bride couldn’t object since you will all have made the effort to comply with her instructions…….. the pictures will tell their own story.

Yes! Wear that! It's an equal opportunities dress, it looks awful on absolutely everyone!

Fieldfly · 10/08/2022 11:33

Those emails definitely read as if they are responses to questions! Give her some slack, it does sound like she’s trying to accommodate everyone. I would assume that by ‘dresses’ she meant ‘not jeans’ ie: smart, so flowery trousers / jumpsuits would be fine but no need for jackets. But she realises it’s going to be hot in the evening. Not a big deal!

Maireas · 10/08/2022 11:33

PiffleWiffleWoozle · 10/08/2022 08:31

Tell her you are both identifying as non binary for the day.

😂😂😂

DirectionToPerfection · 10/08/2022 11:33

The dress directive is bad enough but asking everyone to change for the evening is utter insanity. Who the hell can be arsed with that? What about the people who aren't staying overnight, are they expected bring a fucking rucksack and change in the loos?

Nobody will do it, it's batshit. Crazy woman.

viques · 10/08/2022 11:34

Fieldfly · 10/08/2022 11:29

I have been to lots of weddings and have never seen anyone in chinos! I would always assume suits / morning suits for men as the default unless the dress code on the invitation was different or the couple had said something. Personally I think wearing morning suits looks dated and a bit silly but it is still the standard unless otherwise indicated.

Chinos are fine as long as they aren’t the scruffy ones you wear for gardening! Cool and comfortable in summer heat which is the priority atm.

Maireas · 10/08/2022 11:35

Perhaps there are bouncers on the door to check the dress code.
It's definitely about how their pictures look, isn't it?

DirectionToPerfection · 10/08/2022 11:36

Fieldfly · 10/08/2022 11:33

Those emails definitely read as if they are responses to questions! Give her some slack, it does sound like she’s trying to accommodate everyone. I would assume that by ‘dresses’ she meant ‘not jeans’ ie: smart, so flowery trousers / jumpsuits would be fine but no need for jackets. But she realises it’s going to be hot in the evening. Not a big deal!

I would think that by 'dresses' she meant dresses. It seems pretty clear to me.

It's also very silly.

happystory · 10/08/2022 11:38

We were at a wedding recently and lots of men wore jackets and chinos. Dh was in a suit and felt hot and bothered all day.

Stravaig · 10/08/2022 11:50

Gosh, those messages are quite something. I would not be feeling warmly towards the bride & groom.

I hope you have a lovely day anyway. Please do let us know how it turns out!

bjrce · 10/08/2022 11:55

OP.

I think it was extremely rude of the Bride to send that email at this late stage!

I wonder is she stressing out about the really hot weather and worried people are going to turn up in sun dresses and shorts (Men). Hence her day will become a very casual affair.

That email is from a person who has giving this a lot of headspace to the point of thinking it acceptable to send that mail to guests.

The only effect it has had is encouraging people to think she is bat shit crazy (and probably feeling sorry for the husband to be! definite red flag for him LOL! the poor bastard!).

rookiemere · 10/08/2022 12:01

Yes I think she's heard that people are going to turn up in casual clothes because of the heat - hence why people are "allowed" to change later.
But all she needed to do was say nicely that she appreciated it will be hot but no shorts/casual wear for the service.

Quia · 10/08/2022 12:03

If I received that message and had been planning to wear a dress, I think I'd go straight out and buy a trouser suit. Which I would wear for both day and evening events.

Maireas · 10/08/2022 12:03

rookiemere · 10/08/2022 12:01

Yes I think she's heard that people are going to turn up in casual clothes because of the heat - hence why people are "allowed" to change later.
But all she needed to do was say nicely that she appreciated it will be hot but no shorts/casual wear for the service.

I don't think she even needed to do that. People know how to dress for a wedding, and if some of the choices aren't for her, she should just deal with it. Totally the wrong focus for the day!

TokyoTen · 10/08/2022 12:03

Just go with what you've planned. Weddings are expensive enough for everyone, including guests, without last minute changes to what you're wearing. It's not going to affect her married life is it!

Quia · 10/08/2022 12:04

bjrce · 10/08/2022 11:55

OP.

I think it was extremely rude of the Bride to send that email at this late stage!

I wonder is she stressing out about the really hot weather and worried people are going to turn up in sun dresses and shorts (Men). Hence her day will become a very casual affair.

That email is from a person who has giving this a lot of headspace to the point of thinking it acceptable to send that mail to guests.

The only effect it has had is encouraging people to think she is bat shit crazy (and probably feeling sorry for the husband to be! definite red flag for him LOL! the poor bastard!).

I can't see that it matters if everyone is wearing sundresses. I would rather that my guests were comfortable.

Quia · 10/08/2022 12:08

Find a cheap and cheerful second hand long white gown, if they make a fuss change into that.

Kite22 · 10/08/2022 12:40

Completely bonkers.
If she wanted a dress code, then it should be sent with the invitation so people can choose to accept or not.
That said, I do think men should wear a proper suit for a wedding unless there has been a specific instruction not to, such as a campsite wedding or something.

However, only really posting so this is on 'Threads I'm on' for when you come back to fill us in when you get there.

I am hoping for bouncers on the door saying "You ain't coming in dressed like that" and everyone having a holdall or carrier bag with them at the ceremony, with their 'evening clothes' in, then all the guests standing under their towels to get changed, like on the beach Grin

SirGawain · 10/08/2022 12:42

I always dress smartly for important occasions, (which I often attend professionally). However if some one told me what to wear at a wedding I would not be going but five days notice is stupid.

gogohmm · 10/08/2022 12:55

Reading your update with the actual message, I'm wondering if it's actually aimed at specific guests who were planning on smart casual all day eg jeans and a shirt, it's to head them off. Would it hurt your dp to wear formal, chinos are a bit casual for a wedding (fine for evening only) your outfit sounds fine as long as smart

marmitecake · 10/08/2022 13:25

This is completely crazy!

Ps You must come back and update us with a 'live arrivals' thread on the day Grin

toomuchlaundry · 10/08/2022 14:04

You could always respond and say unfortunately don’t have dress/suit, we do have smart clothes. Would you prefer us to wear these or not come to the wedding?

DoingJustFine · 10/08/2022 14:34

Part of me thinks the bride is a bit thick not au fait with dress code etiquette. Maybe the first email was meant to be "Dress code: cocktail wear" but they didn't know how to phrase it?

It's the second email that I find entitled! "Dear everyone, we would like you all to buy and bring not one but TWO outfits for our Special Important Magical Day! Also, get accommodation nearby so you can stop whatever you're doing at 6pm, traipse back to your room, get out of your posh clothes and into a completely separate outfit, then traipse back again."

It's the "We would like all of you." I mean - fuck off.