5 days before the wedding

[Bellie99]

And 2 emails have been received by all guests from the bride,
One last night saying all women must wear a dress to the wedding and all men must wear day suits. (I have sorted my outfit months ago - trousers, cami and jacket, and DP has chinos and jacket )
Email two this afternoon, was asking all guests to change to smart casual for the evening reception.

I'm not brave enough for AIBU, but surely this is bonkers 5 days prior to the wedding, when invites were sent in January. If really wanted to have a dress code shouldn't it have been included with invite?

We did wonder if we should take it to the next step and DP wear a dress instead ....

Tell her you are both identifying as non binary for the day.

A dress code on the invitation is quite normal to specify level of smartness and it's not meant to be a PITA it's meant to be helpful to avoid any awkwardness/ embarrassment. But it would never be as specific as dresses for ladies, it's would just say be general along the lines of 'Morning dress' or 'lounge suits' which I know aren't desperately helpful for ladies but do give you a steer.

More recently, rather than specifying, I've often seen 'welcomed' or 'encouraged' used e.g. Morning dress for gentlemen and hats for ladies are welcomed

Wouldn’t you rather people were comfortable in the heat rather than smart in a suit.

Has she specified type of dresses (like they do at Royal Ascot!), otherwise she might get women turning up in very casual sundresses, which I assume won’t fit the insta image she wants

Where is the wedding? Westminster Abbey? The bride is being ridiculous! Unless long dresses are in fashion I avoid dresses, even to weddings. Buying a suit at such short notice would be silly (and difficult to find a decent one that fits well) I think it's always a good idea to own a suit "just incase" but that's probably an old fashioned concept these days.

There must be some back story. like the bride has a moody teenage goth sister who is refusing to wear a dress, so the bride has told her everyone has been told to wear a dress.

Remove jacket and tie for evening , job done! Presumably she will make her big entrance too late to police attire. Honestly on what is likely to be a very hot day it it what guests feel comfortable in?

You know you don't have to go? It's their day- yes, weird and late notice but if you don't want to participate in it just don't!

Wear what you like.

It really isn't either too casual or a faux pas. One of my friends messaged me a few days before our wedding asking if it was ok if his husband wore chinos and a shirt rather than a suit and I said of course it was absolutely fine. It was nice of him to ask although totally unnecessary. And that was a totally traditional church followed by nice hotel wedding.

I think some people must move in very refined circles to think that chinos and a jacket are too casual for a wedding.

DH has one suit. He has worn it less than half a dozen times over the last four years, and each time it was for a funeral. He is semi retired and works from home so just wears jeans and T-shirts all the time.

I'd have a quiet word with the groom (not a message) and explain what's wrong with this, that you can't/won't arrange new outfits within the next few days, so either you'll be coming dressed as planned or will have to stay away.

Pretend you didn't quite understand the message and turn up wearing a wedding dress.

The entire wedding is supposed to get changed for the evening? This is hillarious. Where do they change? Does everyone have a bag with them with their other outfit and shoes in? That will be lovely in the photos!! I can just picture the scene!
Bloody mad woman! Ignore this craziness and wear what you have arranged.

Agree with your decision. If they turn you off it this point they will look absolutely ridiculous.
I also wonder if the request of change for the evening is a polite way to get rid of guests for at least a bit to reduce the amount of time when the happy couple has to provide food and drinks.

Lol. Doesn’t she realise there’s another heatwave coming? Everyone will be taking off jackets and ties etc anyway. We had an August wedding and had no dress code. A couple of male guests wore shorts and we gave 0 fucks as we just wanted everyone to share our day and be comfortable.

I say feign ignorance (email, oh whoops no sorry I didn’t see it etc) and have a nice day in the city if this isn’t acceptable to the couple on the day.

This is so bonkers it's fascinating! How were the emails worded? Was there any explanation, or just breezy instructions? How are other guests reacting?

Your plan sounds good, and it's very graceful of you. Lots of people are going to be out of pocket, either on last-minute clothes shopping, or on non-refundable travel tickets and hotel bookings.

Yep a big meringue type wedding dress. Or one of those big puffy sleeved peach bridesmaids dresses

Literally a 2 line email.
Dear xxxx. Looking forward to seeing you on Saturday at our wedding - just to let you know that the dress code is dresses for ladies and suits for men. Can't wait to celebrate!

Then

Dear xxxx. Just a quick follow up from yesterday - we would like you all to change into smart casual attire for the evening reception. Countdown is well and truly on for Saturday!

Just checked and hotel non refundable. (Our fault for being tight and not booking flexible!) so we will go and if we feel uncomfortable or unwelcome because of what we are wearing we will bugger off and have a lovely mooch and meal out somewhere!

Other guests that we know seem unfazed by emails, but maybe they were planning their outfits in the right dress code anyway. Not trying to make a big thing with the rest of the guests as don't want to stir it all up.

Amazing!!!

Being generous - I wonder if other guests have been banging on about "what is the dress code" and then when she's fired off a quick email she's then had moans back that suits are too smart so she's then said casual for the evening?? It's so brief it smacks of stressed bride (I can relate!) saying "oh FFS I'll send an email then" just trying to placate irritating questions from fussy guests and getting it a bit wrong.

I'm being generous because otherwise it's completely batshit.

The first email is pretty vague and reads to me more like a guide than an order, possibly in response to questions they've had from guests. Otherwise why the devil is it being sent out so late? But frankly who hasn't sorted their outfit (or at least a shortlist) at this notice. Either way, it's still batshit.

However the second email is basically an order. It's rude. Ignore it.

I wonder if it is clumsily worded, so as to avoid formality such as morning suits or any ladies in jackets. So trying to do a favour to those who might otherwise overdress in the heat.

Maybe you could get together with other guests and all turn up in the pink Zara dress that is apparently the summer dress to wear this year. Worn by Eddie Izzard and Spanish Royalty, what other recommendation do you need, surely the bride couldn’t object since you will all have made the effort to comply with her instructions…….. the pictures will tell their own story.

I have been to lots of weddings and have never seen anyone in chinos! I would always assume suits / morning suits for men as the default unless the dress code on the invitation was different or the couple had said something. Personally I think wearing morning suits looks dated and a bit silly but it is still the standard unless otherwise indicated.

Please update OP and let us know if everyone brought a change of clothes with them to the ceremony and where they all got changed. I'm fascinated.