Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Original poster

5 days before the wedding

139 replies

Bellie99 · 09/08/2022 21:33

And 2 emails have been received by all guests from the bride,
One last night saying all women must wear a dress to the wedding and all men must wear day suits. (I have sorted my outfit months ago - trousers, cami and jacket, and DP has chinos and jacket )
Email two this afternoon, was asking all guests to change to smart casual for the evening reception.

I'm not brave enough for AIBU, but surely this is bonkers 5 days prior to the wedding, when invites were sent in January. If really wanted to have a dress code shouldn't it have been included with invite?

OP posts:
rookiemere · 10/08/2022 07:12

This is a crazy request.

I've heard these days of guests being asked to dress in certain colours, to keep in with the theme, which I thought was entitled enough, but at least they were told about this at the time of invite.

To expect people to magic not one, but two outfits out of nowhere 5 days before the wedding is ridiculous.

I'd just go in the outfit I had and say you thought it was a suggestion not an order and you have no other suitable attire - if asked.

Whataretheodds · 10/08/2022 07:24

Don't do the panic message - what if the groom says 'oh that's a shame, we'll see you at the evening do then' - you'd miss out on catching up with the elderly relatives.

Do 'email? What email?' and enjoy the day. They're not going to turn you away.

Hepzibar · 10/08/2022 07:27

I wonder what's prompted her to do this. Maybe she's got wind of a rogue planning on wearing jeans and has taken the sledgehammer approach to try and thwart them? It seems a very odd thing to do 5 days before a wedding- even she, in whatever stressed state she is in, would know that.

Fieldfly · 10/08/2022 07:29

I don’t think you should have to wear a dress - but I also don’t think your dp should wear chinos to a wedding - far too casual and a definite faux pas.

Hadalifeonce · 10/08/2022 07:34

When did 'the happy couple' start dictating what their guests wear? It's a while since I have been to a wedding, and the only communication we received after the invitation, was the present list when requested.

crosbystillsandmash · 10/08/2022 07:44

Fieldfly · 10/08/2022 07:29

I don’t think you should have to wear a dress - but I also don’t think your dp should wear chinos to a wedding - far too casual and a definite faux pas.

Really?
We had zero dress code at our wedding. Some male guests had jeans on.

Our marriage was about our vows and celebrating with everyone we love.
I couldn't have cared less about what people wore, I just wanted everyone there, relaxed and enjoying themselves.

Op, the dress code suggests the wedding may not be a fun occasion, I'm guessing you'll be subjected to at least 2 hours of painfully staged, colour coordinated photos!!

PurBal · 10/08/2022 07:45

They’ve probably got a relative saying they’re wearing jeans (which isn’t a massive deal) and instead of dealing with it directly they’re in crazy mode. Wear what you’ve planned, they won’t notice.

Lulu1919 · 10/08/2022 07:49

Crazy ....go wearing what you've planned !!!!!
If she's gone a bit bridezilla she won't notice or care on the actual day ...trust me

MaggieFS · 10/08/2022 07:49

Wow. I wonder what on Earth has prompted that! Batshit.

I'd get in touch with the groom's mother and ask what's likely to happen if your DP arrives dressed as planned?

ClocksGoingBackwards · 10/08/2022 07:56

Wear what you have planned, it will be fine. Unless they have got someone policing outfits on the door, the bride won’t notice you’re in trousers until well after she’s married, and then what’s she doing to do about it? Kick up a fuss in the middle of her own wedding so that everyone remembers the day as the one where the bride went crazy?

autienotnaughty · 10/08/2022 07:58

I would assume she's seen/heard of someone's outfit and it's not to her standard which has prompted this last minute email. I would not acknowledge it or discuss. Just where what you planned. They will be too busy on the day to notice.

gogohmm · 10/08/2022 08:00

I would always wear a dress /suit for him but never have changed ever

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 10/08/2022 08:02

Its very sexist to demand ladies must wear ďresses. Its 2022, not 1922. It would have been acceptable to suggest a dress code when the invitations went out ie formal, black tie, smart casual, but not 5 days before and not to demand women wear dresses. I would message groom and tell him you already have your outfits, and can you still go or not?

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/08/2022 08:08

RyanYESorNO · 09/08/2022 21:35

What email? You didn't get it. Must have gone to your junk folder.

Yeo. Amazing what gets lost

she is batshit. And I never say that 😂

QueSyrahSyrah · 10/08/2022 08:09

Good lord. Try as I might (and I've been a bride myself twice) I cannot fathom how anyone gets into the headspace of giving any kind of a fuck about what the guests wear.

We got married earlier in the year and I can solemnly swear that I didn't notice, much less care, what any of our guests were wearing. I'm pretty sure my Mum was in blue? Confused

OP I'd be telling her that you've already got your outfits, unfortunately they don't fit the theme and if she prefers it you'll humbly bow out and have a great day exploring the city.

Whataretheodds · 10/08/2022 08:15

Hadalifeonce · 10/08/2022 07:34

When did 'the happy couple' start dictating what their guests wear? It's a while since I have been to a wedding, and the only communication we received after the invitation, was the present list when requested.

It's totally normal to cite a dress code but you do it on the invitation, not 5 days before. And demanding a costume change is ridiculous.

QueSyrahSyrah · 10/08/2022 08:16

Fieldfly · 10/08/2022 07:29

I don’t think you should have to wear a dress - but I also don’t think your dp should wear chinos to a wedding - far too casual and a definite faux pas.

About half the male guests at our summer wedding were in chinos and jackets. The shame. I wish someone had told me it was a terrible faux pas.

Abraxan · 10/08/2022 08:19

It's totally normal to cite a dress code but you do it on the invitation, not 5 days before. And demanding a costume change is ridiculous.

I'm not sure a dress code is actually that normal. I've been to dozens of weddings over the years and have never been sent a dress code, ever.

Kup · 10/08/2022 08:21

What was the actual wording of the email - did they say they would like everyone to wear XYZ or did they say it was a dress code? Are you reading a 'request' as a 'rule'.

Zerogravity · 10/08/2022 08:22

Tell her you now identity as non-binary and won't be wearing a dress. 😂My cousin had the most ridiculous dress code - Edwardian clothes only!

Gatehouse77 · 10/08/2022 08:24

As a woman who doesn’t wear skirts or dresses I’d just ignore it. And if it meant I couldn’t be in photos - bonus!

As for it being awkward, I wouldn’t and if anyone else did then that’s their problem to deal with. Not mine.

Either I’m better invited to a wedding because I’m wanted there for being me (if so, take me as I am) or it’s some sort of ‘obligation’. In which case, why would I care what they think about me?

toomuchlaundry · 10/08/2022 08:25

What would happen if you weren’t staying the night in the hotel, where would you change your outfit?

Where is the evening reception?

RampantIvy · 10/08/2022 08:26

I would just ignore the demand request and just wear what I had planned, and deny ever seeing the email.

I doubt very much that she will ask you to leave.

cheveux · 10/08/2022 08:27

She absolutely should have said this much earlier. We had a dress code at our wedding and a change in the day (it made total sense for our day) but communicated that very early on. I wonder if she’s worried people will be too casual because of how hot it’s going to be? I’m going to a wedding on Saturday and I know my DH and some of the other men are going to wear a light linen jacket with smart chinos rather than a suit because of the heat. Possibly she’s got wind of something like this and doesn’t want it? And the change to “smart casual” is a compromise to allow people to change into something cooler?

Original poster
Bellie99 · 10/08/2022 08:27

Thanks all. Yes I do wonder if DP is too casual, but that's what all his mates told him they have been wearing to weddings, and as he doesn't wear a suit to work he didn't want to spend money on one that he wouldn't wear until our next invite!

However, having slept on our dilemma, and spoken about it again, we are going to go as planned in our outfits. If we are spoken to or turned away will will just enjoy a city break instead and arrange to meet relatives for breakfast next day.

OP posts: