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Original poster

Wedding ruined please help

142 replies

Londonlamb · 21/05/2022 15:04

I’m writing this in the hotel room after marrying the love of my life because my dad ruined it
I don’t have much family so from my side the invites were him and 2 cousins I asked him to walk me down the aisle and it was all well planned out
he turned up before the service but brought his new girlfriend and 3 children I’d never met any of them before and the times he has spoken about them was negative
I felt really uncomfortable during the vows knowing strangers were at my wedding and the eldest child who’s a teenager was making lots of noise
we spent 2 years saving and preparing for this day and every tiny detail was organised so it’s been turned upside down by strangers in crap outfits coming along
We have an hour before the party and meal starts and the seating has been organised for the invited guests only so there’s no food or place for them
i want to tell my dad to leave and take them with him but I’m scared to push him away
my make up is ruined and the lady who done it left ages ago no one had checked on how I am my husband is talking to my cousins who are angry too what to do to salvage the day? I can’t believe I have let this over shadow my day but I’m angry and upset they are here
I have no friends so there’s no one here to support me I’m still trying to work out how to pee by myself with this dress on I just wish I could start the day again properly but it’s nearly over and I didn’t enjoy it we haven’t even got a honeymoon because we can’t afford it
is there anyone who can give me a bit of support and advice please

OP posts:
Rosscameasdoody · 21/05/2022 18:52

SwedishEdith · 21/05/2022 15:35

Who was your dad meant to come with?

If he wanted to bring a partner he should have sorted this out beforehand, not turned up with a girlfriend and three kids who weren’t invited and who the OP has never met.

maddy68 · 21/05/2022 18:55

Rosscameasdoody · 21/05/2022 18:43

Why should she have invited four extra people she has never met ? She isn’t ‘allowing’ anything. They shouldn’t be there and her dad knows it.

Show quote history

She's allowing them headspace
.
I wouldn't have expected him to come alone so that should have been made explicit if that's what she wanted

girlmom21 · 21/05/2022 18:59

I wouldn't have expected him to come alone so that should have been made explicit if that's what she wanted

Well if she doesn't say that he can bring a guest, it's explicit enough he doesn't have a +1...

If he wanted to bring numerous guests, he should've asked and made sure they dressed appropriately and acted respectfully.

meadowbleu · 21/05/2022 19:00

For people who didn't read all of the OP

brought his new girlfriend and 3 children I’d never met any of them before and the times he has spoken about them was negative

Two years of saving and planning and hardly anyone to invite on the Bride's side, why on earth wouldn't she be distressed at random unknowns turning up in tracksuits, being noisy and disrespectful at the kind of event everyone knows is a special and momentous occasion? I'd be upset and disappointed, but what I wouldn't do is let it spoil the day and the memories.

ElenaSt · 21/05/2022 19:10

I imagine that the girlfriend thought she and her kids would get free food and drink for a day.

Any decent person would have said to your dad that they don't want to just turn up on the day but would like to meet your before the wedding.

Your dad has behaved badly and the woman does indeed sound like a chav.

dottieautie · 21/05/2022 19:29

OP there’s still time to salvage the day.

try to ignore the uninvited guests if you’re too uncomfortable about asking them to leave. Get them to ply you with drinks at their expense (brides perks). Get drunk and pee on their jackets. Enjoy some time with your husband and the people on his side you like and just remember this is only one day. The marriage is the important bit and that’s where the real memories are made

ExD1938 · 21/05/2022 19:36

Its nearly 7.30 in the evening now, and I imagine they are all dancing and having fun - what are you doing I wonder?
Crying still?
Or have you gritted your teeth, smiled and carried on? I do hope you've made the best of a bad job and been the bigger person and ,managed to get some enjoyment from your ruined day.
It was out of this world crass and insensitive, what your Dad did, and I'd make sure he knows later, now isn't the time to thrash it out.
I take it he didn't pay for this 'do' as Dads used to in my day(!)
Here's some (((hugs))) try to relax.
From a Grandma.

Theblacksheepandme · 21/05/2022 19:39

maddy68
You are allowing then to spoil your day. You should have invited them all tbh and he probably assumed they were all invited.
So deep breath, make them wekxinr. Add then onto the arrangements. Venues are used to this. Don't worry. And smile and enjoy the rest of the day.
YOU are ruining this for yourself. Not them.

Why should she have invited them all? You don't know the circumstances on why OP didn't. For one thing she doesn't even know them. She is not ruining this for herself, her Father did. She rightly got upset about her Father acting like a dick. OP did nothing wrong. Also how do you know that OP didn't make it explicit that her Father was the only person invited?

Kgiggl3s · 21/05/2022 19:53

I always think of problems that I can't deal deal right now as does it belong in a bag, to deal with later, or should it just be put in the bin and forgotten. As hard as it is, i think you need to put this awful situation in a 'bag' and zip it. Enjoy your day and focus solely on that.
Unzip the bag later in the week after the wedding and deal with this then.
Today is about you ❤ Sending you a huge hug.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 21/05/2022 20:44

I wouldn't have expected him to come alone so that should have been made explicit if that's what she wanted

If the invitation didn’t say ‘Dad and girlfriend’s name’ or ‘Dad and guest’, it WAS explicit. Reasonable people don’t just assume they a plus one. If there was any confusion, he could have simply asked ‘Is X invited?’ But he didn’t - I’m guessing because he knew he wouldn’t like the answer. And even if you were obtuse enough to assume rather than ask if you had a plus one, no one assumes they have a plus three children invitation!

Rosscameasdoody · 21/05/2022 21:30

maddy68 · 21/05/2022 18:55

She's allowing them headspace
.
I wouldn't have expected him to come alone so that should have been made explicit if that's what she wanted

Show quote history

She can’t do much but allow them headspace considering they’ve crashed her wedding and caused embarrassment all round. If he wanted to bring a plus one he should have sorted that out beforehand - not turned up with a plus one and three kids in tow, knowing they were not catered for, and not dressed for the occasion. It’s his daughters wedding, he didn’t contribute towards the cost, and I don’t believe for a second he didn’t know it would cause distress.

Pipsquiggle · 22/05/2022 11:16

@Londonlamb hope your day got better and glad that your DH stood up for you x

maddy68 · 22/05/2022 11:20

Theblacksheepandme · 21/05/2022 19:39

maddy68
You are allowing then to spoil your day. You should have invited them all tbh and he probably assumed they were all invited.
So deep breath, make them wekxinr. Add then onto the arrangements. Venues are used to this. Don't worry. And smile and enjoy the rest of the day.
YOU are ruining this for yourself. Not them.

Why should she have invited them all? You don't know the circumstances on why OP didn't. For one thing she doesn't even know them. She is not ruining this for herself, her Father did. She rightly got upset about her Father acting like a dick. OP did nothing wrong. Also how do you know that OP didn't make it explicit that her Father was the only person invited?

She obviously need not have invited them all but she needed to be very clear.
I find it strange that she would have invited her dad but not his partner. And it should have been clear and a conversation should have been had

I meant by her ruining for herself by giving it headspace. ...they turned up , they shouldn't have been there, move on and enjoy the day , don't spend it crying in a bedroom.

PlntLady · 22/05/2022 11:21

Oh no! I cant believe what I have read!
I hope it went ok in the end OP... and one thing to take from it all is your husband sounds like a right champ! Good on him for protecting you and taking decisive action. He sounds like a good'n. 🙂

burnoutbabe · 22/05/2022 11:24

ElenaSt · 21/05/2022 19:10

I imagine that the girlfriend thought she and her kids would get free food and drink for a day.

Any decent person would have said to your dad that they don't want to just turn up on the day but would like to meet your before the wedding.

Your dad has behaved badly and the woman does indeed sound like a chav.

unless you knew the wedding was a buffet meal, surely most people can imagine that its a seat per guest, food ordered in advance for x number of people. and table for seating x number of people. therefore no way to squeeze anyone else in 99% of the time.

Original poster
Londonlamb · 22/05/2022 14:04

Thank you all so so much for your lovely words of encouragement and support when I needed it you’re fabulous people!

The staff turfed them out as they wasn’t on the guest list, so much to my relief there wasn’t any awkwardness or atmosphere.my dad apologised and left with them as the girlfriend drove him to the venue and he couldn’t get home if he stayed. We’d agreed he’d come alone (in a taxi with cousins and husbands grandparents as his relationship was too new for me to be happy with an invite) I think it was for the best as everyone felt uncomfortable and intimidated by the woman. I’m sad he missed the rest of my wedding day and I’m not sure what it means for our father daughter relationship.

I’m hurt but I accept my place of importance has lowered over the girlfriend (2 month relationship that I don’t approve of as they’re together for unethical reasons) and will now concentrate on my lovely new family who saved the day for me.

So the day did indeed improve and I had the best time with my husband (eek!) including helping me pee which had us in a fit of giggles! My amazing SIL redone my make up and my FIL made a wonderful speech aimed at me to make up for my loss of relatives. Also for the arsehole making a dig about me having no friends, I moved very far away from home to start a new life and lost many friends in the process, but I’m content with that as I’m happy with my life now.

We are currently on our way to the airport for our honeymoon which was our surprise wedding present from FIL!! So excited!
Thank you all again I feel so embarrassed for how dramatic I acted but you all gave me the push I needed to forget it and enjoy my special day!! I wish I had friends like some of you!

Love the lamb references that had us giggling too, lamb is my really silly nickname but I will definitely be texting my husband I love ewe when we’re back to work! 😆
I can’t believe I’m married!!

OP posts:
JenniferBarkley · 22/05/2022 14:18

Congratulations OP! Your FIL sounds like a diamond and I'm guessing he raised a good man in your husband.

Have a wonderful honeymoon and worry about everything else when you get home.

Finalcountdowntoourtripaway · 22/05/2022 14:22

Congratulations op!!

PlntLady · 22/05/2022 14:25

That's amazing! Congratulations! 🎉
It sounds like you really have become part of a wonderful family.

DisforDarkChocolate · 22/05/2022 14:30

I'm so glad you posted an update @Londonlamb, it sounds like you have just gained some wonderful in-laws along with a husband.

Enjoy your honeymoon.

HazelBite · 22/05/2022 18:59

Loved your update its great to hear that you have fab in-laws

Echobelly · 22/05/2022 19:01

Deep breath, concentrate about having married the love of your life. You can't changed what's past but you can change how you look at it. Have a lovely time and many congratulations.

Sortingfinances2 · 22/05/2022 19:02

What a fabulous update.
Sounds like you gained much more than an awesome husband yesterday - a whole family who have your back. FIL sounds to be a top bloke.
Congratulations!

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 22/05/2022 19:09

You can't choose your family but you can choose who you marry into and it looks like you have chosen well. Lovely Sil, lovely pil, have a fabulous holiday.

LongDarkTeatime · 22/05/2022 19:10

What a wonderful update @Londonlamb 😁
Congratulations 🥂 and it sounds like you have wonder In-laws
Have a wonderful honeymoon 😁

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