Unique ways to ask bridesmaids.

[onethingonly]

I'm not a fan of the proposal boxes but I'm looking for unique ideas to ask my bridesmaids to be part of my wedding party. Something that they maybe wouldn't suspect and are totally surprised by for example using an everyday activity/item.

Hope that's not too specific 😂

Yesterday my 9 year old asked about my gender reveal parties for her and her older sister. She was surprised I didn't have one. She thought everyone did 😂😂

Helicopter, you definitely need a helicopter
No idea what you should do with it exactly but you really can’t ask anyone to be a Bridesmaid without a helicopter

Oh lord is this another new thing ? I am getting married this year and i think i asked my sister while we were doing the washing up in her house. Just bring your friend out for a coffee and catch up and ask her if you want it to be an occasion or give her a nice bunch of flowers. Please do not fall for all the tat that Instagram is telling you you should do. Its cringe fest and also such a huge waste of money. I though the pandemic had shown people that they don't need this crap and weddings were going back to basics, ie a happy day for everyone to enjoy but this shows that i am wrong

Congratulations on your engagement OP

As sweet as some of these ideas are, they make me nervous. They make it really awkward to say no!

And unless you’re paying for everything you run the risk of pressuring your friends into something they can’t afford because you made asking them into a really big deal.

What about putting together thank you gifts for after they say yes instead?

Don’t get sucker into the whole ridiculous social media wedding competition. It’s ridiculous and totally devoid of what the whole concept of what marriage is actually about.

Just ask your friends. They won’t care how you ask them. With the best will in the world your wedding is a big deal to you only.

I would just ask them in a way that is special to them.

My sister was only young and really excited about me getting married so I asked her to come look at wedding jewellery with me then asked her if she'd like to pick a necklace to wear as my bridesmaid.

My cousin thinks displays of affection and big proposals etc are cringe so I called her and asked.

My best friend is similar to my cousin but enjoys a moment so I took her out for a meal and asked her over pudding.

You don't need to spend more money on these things, if these people are important enough to you to be bridesmaids then you'll know in your heart how best to ask them.

@girlmom21

Look - OP wants to get her friend a gift. She's asking for advice on a gift. She's not asking people to shit all over the concept.

@user1641832968632486258 I was picturing white converse with coloured lace holes - not navy pumps with a pink tongue or something strange. It was a suggestion. It might be a shit one in your opinion but it's better than trying to drag down OP's intentions.

She's not asking about 'gifts'. She's asking about 'unique proposal ways'. Unless all of her friends have done this it's naff. It puts pressure on people to accept, and will be used against them. No harm in a thank-you AFTER the fact, but before...?

Honestly OP if you realllyyyy wanted to do something I'd get a piece of nice card + a sweet treat.

There are LOADS of lists/ideas online, if you can't even pick one you're probably a bridezilla.

@Hoppinggreen

Helicopter, you definitely need a helicopter No idea what you should do with it exactly but you really can’t ask anyone to be a Bridesmaid without a helicopter

Or the Red Arrows?

You know what might actually mean a lot to your putative bridesmaids, is if you saved your money so that you could pay for their dress, shoes, jewellery, hair and makeup, etc so they don't have to pay out £££ to stand up for you, rather than spending your money on personalised bloody Converse (!) and making it seem like you think being in your wedding is akin to their Hollywood big break.

Each to their own, if you would like to do an extravagant 'proposal' then go for it- if you are sure your friends would like that.

Personally if some one bought me a personalised pair of shoes/ box of mini gifts ect to ask, I would feel insanely pressured to say yes.

It would also fill me with fear knowing full well this meant a bridezilla and lots of requests to buy personalised shit for the hen/wedding day ect.

I was picturing white converse with coloured lace holes - not navy pumps with a pink tongue or something strange.

Converse with "bridesmaid" embroidered on them is pretty strange. And bloody expensive! It doesn't convey why you'd like the "fantastic woman" to walk down the aisle with you - tell her that, it is far more meaningful and less wasteful. No one is going to wear "bridesmaid" themed items after the wedding.

Seriously, OP, just ask. Write a message in a card telling them why you'd like them to be your bridesmaid or go out for drinks/coffee/meal and just ask. Don't go with something gimmicky that just lines the pockets of people trying to rip off brides* in as many ways as possible.

• and it is pretty much always brides who want all this "fluff", rarely the grooms.

@SoupDragon I didn't say that's what I'm doing for my best friend 🤷‍♀️

I made a suggestion. I get it - everyone thinks it's a shit one

[quote girlmom21]@SoupDragon I didn't say that's what I'm doing for my best friend 🤷‍♀️

I made a suggestion. I get it - everyone thinks it's a shit one [/quote]
My point was that it conveys absolutely nothing about why you (or indeed anyone) wants a person to be their bridesmaid. You would only have suggested it if you thought it was a good idea and thus, presumably, something similar to what you would consider/have considered. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm laughing so hard at some of these. It's in part a generational thing. The 20/early 30 something women in work/ my niece's friendship cohort are always up to crap like this. Every milestone (21st/30th/ engagement/ wedding/ baby/ new home) is celebrated by a parade of drums and lots and lots of money! If it's not the above wedding paraphernalia it's flower walls/ photo booths for a birthday party or a HUGE baby shower with, bizarrely, prosecco for everyone except the pregnant one. It's Insta led and very, very strange to my age 50 self.

I have a colleague who is 29 whom I just adore, she is the most gorgeous girl. Her wedding in the summer was beautiful, but the sheer amount of bridesmaid announcements/ hen arrangements/ wedding build up moments/ honeymoon experiences was just mind blowing. It was all very classy but, I felt, so indulgent. She's an only one, so maybe it's that, but it really is OTT.

My niece, on the other hand, just turned 30 the other day, got engaged at Xmas and they're both not into the whole circus. They want to go small, abroad with parents only and their child. Done. Perfect. The only issue is how she stops her, admittedly lovely, friends from turning the pre stuff into a charade.

You could hire a Honey Monster costume and ask her wearing that. (You have to do the voice though.)

I don't think that's been done yet, but maybe it has...

Why does everything have to be a competition nowadays? Are we so socially awkward that we are no longer capable of picking up the phone to tell people we are having a baby/getting married/buying a house/would like them to be a bridesmaid etc etc? Do we all feel that no occasion actually occurred unless it has been immortalised on social media with balloons and fireworks?

I actually think it's sad that the upcoming generation have been led to believe (by advertisers and companies) that this stuff is essential. Social media these days is full of adverts which give a really misleading impression of what is 'normal', and young people feel that all of this extra stuff is what's expected of them. It's not just weddings - home decor, kids parties etc. all have additional expectations attached to them these days.

Spending the extra money on this stuff won't make your wedding any more meaningful or special. All it will do is empty your wallet.

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

You could hire a Honey Monster costume and ask her wearing that. (You have to do the voice though.)

I don't think that's been done yet, but maybe it has...

This is my favourite suggestion. Please do this, op.

@Puffalicious

I'm laughing so hard at some of these. It's in part a generational thing. The 20/early 30 something women in work/ my niece's friendship cohort are always up to crap like this. Every milestone (21st/30th/ engagement/ wedding/ baby/ new home) is celebrated by a parade of drums and lots and lots of money! If it's not the above wedding paraphernalia it's flower walls/ photo booths for a birthday party or a HUGE baby shower with, bizarrely, prosecco for everyone except the pregnant one. It's Insta led and very, very strange to my age 50 self.

I have a colleague who is 29 whom I just adore, she is the most gorgeous girl. Her wedding in the summer was beautiful, but the sheer amount of bridesmaid announcements/ hen arrangements/ wedding build up moments/ honeymoon experiences was just mind blowing. It was all very classy but, I felt, so indulgent. She's an only one, so maybe it's that, but it really is OTT.

My niece, on the other hand, just turned 30 the other day, got engaged at Xmas and they're both not into the whole circus. They want to go small, abroad with parents only and their child. Done. Perfect. The only issue is how she stops her, admittedly lovely, friends from turning the pre stuff into a charade.

Symptoms of the insta-set. Very few people I know are like this but I move in different circles...a lot of farmers who have no time for all this unless it involves bays of hay.

Poor OP, I posted a pretty negative response but had no idea practically everyone else would to.

OP - only wanting ideas and trying to make it special - just ignore everyone and make it what you want.

I've got a novel idea. Why not just open your mouth and ask them using straightforward language like 'I'd love you to be my bridesmaid - do you fancy it?

WTAF? We have to make an enormous instagrammable fuss about choosing our bridesmaids, on top of all the other shit we are told we must do?

Honestly, as someone who got married 30 years ago I am cringeing for you all. Just stop already. It's embarrassingly shallow and attention seeking.

@CarlatheJackal

Skywriting, or weedkiller on their lawn if you've got time up your sleeve

LOL, perfect.

Well it's certainly original and not anything they would expect, so exactly what the OP asked for.

@Doidontimmm

I’m older & really don’t understand this new trend, it seems so cringey to me, like you are bestowing some huge honour. Am I just old? I simply asked mine face to face, didn’t need gimmicks.

Thank God. I thought I had been definitely missing something important. (Or I was more likely just old) I should probably be ashamed that I had never heard of this before this thread, but thinking about it I'm not. Still totally bemused though 🤔🥴🤷‍♀️

I'm thinking a fly over with a banner for one of them?
Take another to Paris and get down on one knee?
For your least favourite how about tea at Betty's, get a giant cake and have a Zlister celeb jump out and ask her?

Seriously it's all bollocks. Words have always been enough