Unique ways to ask bridesmaids.

[onethingonly]

I'm not a fan of the proposal boxes but I'm looking for unique ideas to ask my bridesmaids to be part of my wedding party. Something that they maybe wouldn't suspect and are totally surprised by for example using an everyday activity/item.

Hope that's not too specific 😂

[quote girlmom21]@user1641832968632486258 what's wrong with a sentimental keepsake or a nice gift to say please/thank you? [/quote]
That's not what you're describing though.

I understand giving a thank you gift, after the event, or a necklace to wear with the dress.

If I was going to be a bridesmaid I would much rather just be asked than having some gimmicky proposal box etc. What happens if you can’t make the wedding?

[quote girlmom21]@user1641832968632486258 what's wrong with a sentimental keepsake or a nice gift to say please/thank you? [/quote]
Because if just this part of the wedding drama involves buying shoes, what are the expectations for the rest of the wedding?

Look - OP wants to get her friend a gift. She's asking for advice on a gift. She's not asking people to shit all over the concept.

@user1641832968632486258 I was picturing white converse with coloured lace holes - not navy pumps with a pink tongue or something strange. It was a suggestion. It might be a shit one in your opinion but it's better than trying to drag down OP's intentions.

When people say they 'can't afford to get married' because a wedding costs £20k or whatever - it's because they've bought into this nonsense, isn't it?

Look at the converse idea - if they are £70 and you have 3 bridesmaids, that's £210 before you've even started properly planning the wedding. And what about the best man, does he get converse too?

People who think there wedding is an important, magical event for the rest of the wedding party seriously need to give their heads a wobble - and save themselves some serious cash while they're at it!

People are raising valid concerns. I'm sorry they touch a nerve for you.

Op wants to give people a gift. Fine. Op also wants to put people in a potentially uncomfortable and pressured position because she hasn't thought her intended course of action through. Not so fine.

Girlmom21 is clearly in either the wedding or the low end personalised converse business. Serious middling of souvenir and landfill.

It’s the kind of gesture that leads to people knowing it will be a nightmare, but not being able to say no and therefore ends in a last minute row and drop out over the Ibiza hen weekend with non optional cocktail making by naked butlers which the lucky bridesmaids are required to pay for or the bride firing them for getting pregnant / a new hairdo / looking too pretty for the photos, which will still be accompanied by a large bill. Without this stuff, Reddit would be an emptier place.

OP I think that a special gift/ proposal is potentially pressurising to your friend. Go out and treat her to a drink if you like but don't spend money on this.
Save any money and put it toward making sure that she isn't out of pocket for the honour of being you bridesmaid.

You are asking her to do you a favour….not the other way around. It’s not a prize that needs a special announcement/reveal.

Just send a WhatsApp msg ?🤷‍♀️

Don't waste your money ! Pick up phone , go for a coffee , night out and ask FFS!!!

@onethingonly you have had some harsh replies here, but I'm afraid that I agree with the consensus that all you need to do is just ask them.

Judging from the number of posts from disgruntled bridesmaids on MN it doesn't sound much like a favour to be one anyway. I am older than most mumsnetters, and back in the day there were no "bridesmaids duties". They just turned up on the day, walked down the aisle behind the bride and held their flowers during the service.

@RampantIvy exactly and got a nice necklace to wear on the day.

But I would imagine they are expected to arrange the hen week abs all that malarkey!

As somebody had already mentioned, this is a new stream of income for the wedding industry

And a cringey new idea for people who need to post on 'the gram' on a daily basis

Perhaps your husband-to-be could do the 'Yard of Ale' invite for the best man?

Can't you just ask them? This is not something that needs to be an Instagram moment.

I've been bridesmaid once, to my best mate. I knew she'd ask me because we'd talked about it, as friends generally do. It was fun but stressful, not some huge honour.

@Doidontimmm

I’m older & really don’t understand this new trend, it seems so cringey to me, like you are bestowing some huge honour. Am I just old? I simply asked mine face to face, didn’t need gimmicks.

I agree with this. It’s so cringey. Being a bridesmaid just means you don’t get to choose your own dress and shoes on the day.

It’s just a wedding, no one outside of your immediate family gives a fuck anyway.

Agree with PPs it's just a way to make extra cash out of a wedding.

When I got married last century, I just asked my bridesmaids seemed the most logical thing to do.

Just ask them. No one is anywhere nearly as excited about your wedding as you are. Being a bridesmaid isn't a big deal.

Being a bridesmaid is not always a big deal

This. I was asked by one of my close friends to be a bridesmaid at her wedding. I really didn't want to do it for many reasons, not least because I had two small babies and I could just do without the hassle.

It was really difficult to broach it with her but she understood and was fine about it. If she'd made a song and dance and hoo ha about asking me it would have been infinitely more difficult to say no.

I'd also been a bridesmaid exactly 9 times before in my life and each time the bride just straightforward asked face to face. That sufficed.
I was pleased but not overwhelmed with joy. Also, as a pp has pointed out, you can usually see it coming anyway. Hard to be surprised.

What if the answer is no thank you? A big performance will make it seem so much worse. I’ve been bridesmaid twice in the last few years, both times I was just asked and happily agreed. No need for anything more than that in my opinion.

No proposal, no colour scheme, no dress code, no bridesmaids. Bliss!

OP do you have a budget? What about some personalised converse?

It would make it harder to say no if they can't or don't want to be a bridesmaid. And be a waste of money.

Text

Personalised converse 😂

I’m torn between rolling my eyes and being impressed that people have found the silliest way yet to squeeze money out of the cash cow that is weddings!