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Original poster

Supposed to get married in 2 weeks and I cannot take any more of this :-(

158 replies

CoronaBride2020 · 10/10/2020 10:25

Apologies in advance for the utter pity party that is this post. Just feeling so, so shit right now and I’m sure I’m not the only one in this position!

I’m engaged to the most wonderful man and am so excited to be his wife. We had a total dream wedding planned for March this year, with 100 guests, which of course got cancelled with just a few weeks to go. We postponed to the end of October which is now getting very close.

We have been through the original postponement and rearranging everything, then replanned and downsized for 30 people, then downsized again to 15, and now I’m sat here reading the latest news about local lockdowns and Tier 3 restrictions and.... god I just don’t know how much more of this I can take.

With 2 weeks ago am I not supposed to be getting excited and booking nail appointments and getting in a flap about something trivial like table centrepieces or whatever? Instead I’m sat here wondering, yet again, if I’m even going to be able to get married.

I know there are worse things happening in the world, and my loved ones and I all have our health which is of course what really matters in the end but I genuinely feel like I’m having a breakdown right now with so much uncertainty and stress. I’m getting help from my GP and my family are all being amazingly supportive but would love to hear from any other brides in this position because I know it can’t just be me!

OP posts:

BluebellsGreenbells · 10/10/2020 10:28

The wedding pressure comes from the wedding market.

He loves you, you want to be married.

If that’s means two witnesses then do that.

You could have a big party when this is all over and you’ve something to celebrate!

Original poster

CoronaBride2020 · 10/10/2020 10:29

I don’t even know if we’ll be allowed to do that though, if there’s no mixing of households at all!

OP posts:

yawnsvillex · 10/10/2020 10:30

It's not going to be the wedding you dreamed of. This is happening to my work colleague too. As PP said you love each other, that's all the matters

Original poster

CoronaBride2020 · 10/10/2020 10:31

We just want to be married and we feel like we’ve planned four different weddings now and yet we STILL aren’t married and we don’t even know if it will happen this time either.

I don’t care about the ‘dream’ wedding at all, really I don’t. Neither does he. We want to be married and never to have to think about planning a fucking wedding ever again!

OP posts:

frazzledasarock · 10/10/2020 10:35

I’m getting married next Sunday. Hopefully.

I feel like I’m holding my breath till it happens.

We have lan on having a vow renewal and inviting everyone we originally wanted when this whole corona virus is over. No idea when that will be.

Right now just concentrating on getting married. My stress levels are through the roof, but everyone has been so lovely and kind and accommodating.

Our wedding wasn’t massive to begin with 56 people including kids.
Now it’s just immediate relatives and two friends. And I am so over this whole wedding planning thing. Just want it over and done.

mistermagpie · 10/10/2020 10:39

I sympathise, my brother in law and now sister in law had the same thing. They cancelled and rearranged twice from their original plan to get married in March. They eventually managed to get married in July outside with 15 guests and we sat in our households at a restaurant afterwards. It was actually quite nice but really far from the day they had planned but in the end they just wanted to get it done while they could.

I think you need to decide if you want to wait and try to have your original day, or accept that whatever you do is going to be a massive compromise. Hopefully you can go ahead in two weeks but I totally understand how you can't get your hopes up.

Original poster

CoronaBride2020 · 10/10/2020 10:41

Nice to hear from someone else going through the same thing frazzled although at the same time I wouldn’t wish it on anyone! A lot of my friends and family are already married and they give me well-meaning advice but none of them will ever really understand what it feels like to have your wedding postponed, downsized, rearranged over and over and to STILL be unsure if it’s even happening this close to the day itself!

Holding my breath until it happens is exactly how I feel too, perfect description.

Keeping everything crossed for you and I hope you’re able to have the loveliest day in spite of everything!

OP posts:

Enquirer20 · 10/10/2020 10:41

I hear you OP! In the same boat crossing my fingers that we can pop down for our registry office ceremony in the next few weeks.

Comparison is the thief of joy I know, but I can’t help thinking of all the beautiful, extravagant weddings I’ve been to in my time and all I want is the bare minimum. Even that seems so precarious, feels very unfair. Have to keep reminding myself that there are worse things going on and that my family are safe.

I really know how you feel though, sending best wishes and crossed fingers

Original poster

CoronaBride2020 · 10/10/2020 10:43

I think you need to decide if you want to wait and try to have your original day, or accept that whatever you do is going to be a massive compromise.

Oh god that decision was well and truly made MONTHS ago, we don’t give a monkey’s about the big day we originally had planned. We just want to be married! If I could tick a box on a website that said ‘you are now married’ I would do that in a heartbeat and so would he

OP posts:

ReeseWitherfork · 10/10/2020 10:44

I have friends who have got married over the last few weeks and obviously couldn’t be there but I am SO excited to be able to enjoy a day with them eventually. I’m not even that fussed on weddings but I do love a good party and I know how much this year has sucked for all of them that they really deserve a wonderful day later down the line. I’m confident your friends and family will feel the same.

You have every right to feel like this OP, life isn’t one big pity competition, you don’t have to put on a brave face because some people might have it worse.

I feel confident you’ll be getting married in some format in two weeks time.

Wheytaminute · 10/10/2020 10:45

Get married. Even if it ends up being just you two.

Plan for a big celebration when all this has passed.

have a wonderful day

Original poster

CoronaBride2020 · 10/10/2020 10:46

Right there with you Enquirer20, we’re having a register office ceremony too and we’re prepared to downsize AGAIN if we have to but it’s just the mental energy that it takes each time!

My siblings all got married in the last few years so I completely know what you mean about comparison. I also just feel really sad for this past version of myself who was so excited about everything and could never imagine it turning out like this

OP posts:

ReeseWitherfork · 10/10/2020 10:47

This is so tough to read. Especially when everyone is telling you that big weddings don’t matter, they’re not important, blah blah. Yes of course you just want to be married and yes of course you know the important bit is the legality. But that doesn’t help it suck that you can’t have the day you planned and that you’ve had to spend hours and hours replanning with still a shit tonne of uncertainty! Uncertainty sucks!! I got upset that I had to cancel my new patio over the summer... and I’m not ashamed!!

Original poster

CoronaBride2020 · 10/10/2020 10:49

Get married. Even if it ends up being just you two.

I know people mean really well when they keep saying stuff like this but my point is, we don’t even know if that’ll be possible if the rumoured ‘Tier 3’ restrictions come in and households aren’t allowed to mix at all, in any setting

I feel confident you’ll be getting married in some format in two weeks time.

Thank you, I really hope so. This year has just taught me not to get excited about or look forward to anything I guess!

OP posts:

Milkshake7489 · 10/10/2020 10:49

No advice but just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this.

You have every right to be upset (of course health is the most important thing, but that doesn't mean you're wrong for caring about other things too!).

Whether you decide to wait or are able to go ahead with a smaller ceremony, I hope you have a fantastic day followed by a fantastic marriage

Original poster

CoronaBride2020 · 10/10/2020 10:50

Thank you ReeseWitherfork, that hits the nail on the head completely. And I’m sorry about your patio too!

OP posts:

FenellaMaxwell · 10/10/2020 10:52

Can I just say, it’s utterly shit, and you have every right to be disappointed - you don’t need to play it down. Yes the main thing that matters is actually getting married but the wedding matters a lot too when you’ve spent such a long time planning it and imagining all your family and friends being there. Being upset at not having that is a valid feeling too. for you

ReeseWitherfork · 10/10/2020 10:54

This year has just taught me not to get excited about or look forward to anything I guess!

No! Absolutely not. You should and can continue to look forward to things. This has made you very resilient even if you don’t feel like it right now. And once you’re married, and once this shitstorm is over and you get an amazing party (even if it’s a BBQ in your back garden) you’ll get it. You’ll feel that amazing sense of relief and happiness. You should feel very proud of yourself for every day you’ve spent the day reorganising and every time you’ve smiled politely when someone says “oh it’s not the party that matters”.

JaJaDingDong · 10/10/2020 10:54

We just want to be married and we feel like we’ve planned four different weddings now and yet we STILL aren’t married and we don’t even know if it will happen this time either.

Just get married. Forget about the wedding and throw a big party for your first anniversary (or the way it's going, your fifth anniversary)

Original poster

CoronaBride2020 · 10/10/2020 10:54

You’re right FenellaMaxwell, it IS utterly shit! 💩💩💩

OP posts:

frogswimming · 10/10/2020 10:54

What do you have booked now? How many people? What are you wearing? I hope it goes ahead

ReeseWitherfork · 10/10/2020 10:56

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/politics/2020/oct/04/what-are-the-three-tiers-local-coronavirus-lockdown-england

I think you’ll still be able to get married. Being married is a pretty important legal right to remove, they won’t do that lightly.

Original poster

CoronaBride2020 · 10/10/2020 10:56

Just get married

I knooooow that’s exactly what I want to do, but it’s not that simple sadly! There’s always going to be an element of planning involved (even booking the register office slot was a stress as they were like gold dust when they reopened!) and if the government decide to stop all weddings again then you can’t ‘just get married’ at all!

OP posts:

RJnomore1 · 10/10/2020 10:57

I would hope even if you end up intier three that they do what the Scottish government has and exempt weddings and funerals.

I’ll keep all my fingers and toes crossed for you. You’ve got a great attitude and it will be some story to tell your children and grandchildren should you have them!

Original poster

CoronaBride2020 · 10/10/2020 10:59

You should feel very proud of yourself for every day you’ve spent the day reorganising and every time you’ve smiled politely when someone says “oh it’s not the party that matters”.

Oh I like you Reese, can I just pay you to sit with me for the next 2 weeks and keep telling me things like this?!

What do you have booked now? How many people? What are you wearing? I hope it goes ahead

Register office ceremony and lunch with just immediate family. I’m wearing my full-on wedding dress anyway because I’ve got it and might as well wear it!

OP posts:

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