Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Original poster

Supposed to get married in 2 weeks and I cannot take any more of this :-(

158 replies

CoronaBride2020 · 10/10/2020 10:25

Apologies in advance for the utter pity party that is this post. Just feeling so, so shit right now and I’m sure I’m not the only one in this position!

I’m engaged to the most wonderful man and am so excited to be his wife. We had a total dream wedding planned for March this year, with 100 guests, which of course got cancelled with just a few weeks to go. We postponed to the end of October which is now getting very close.

We have been through the original postponement and rearranging everything, then replanned and downsized for 30 people, then downsized again to 15, and now I’m sat here reading the latest news about local lockdowns and Tier 3 restrictions and.... god I just don’t know how much more of this I can take.

With 2 weeks ago am I not supposed to be getting excited and booking nail appointments and getting in a flap about something trivial like table centrepieces or whatever? Instead I’m sat here wondering, yet again, if I’m even going to be able to get married.

I know there are worse things happening in the world, and my loved ones and I all have our health which is of course what really matters in the end but I genuinely feel like I’m having a breakdown right now with so much uncertainty and stress. I’m getting help from my GP and my family are all being amazingly supportive but would love to hear from any other brides in this position because I know it can’t just be me!

OP posts:
Crayfishforyou · 10/10/2020 11:36

It’s rotten OP.
And if you had planned a big wedding to get a reduced wedding where everybody just talks about coronavirus is pants.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a big wedding.
Yes, to get married you only need two witnesses but to have a WEDDING takes people who like to share the love.
It sucks it absolutely sucks.

WeAllHaveWings · 10/10/2020 11:40

The virus isn't going anywhere soon, I would take the pressure off, cancelled everything and book the bare minimum when possible, two witnesses and get married.

Leave booking the party until this is all over.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 10/10/2020 11:41

@FenellaMaxwell

Can I just say, it’s utterly shit, and you have every right to be disappointed - you don’t need to play it down. Yes the main thing that matters is actually getting married but the wedding matters a lot too when you’ve spent such a long time planning it and imagining all your family and friends being there. Being upset at not having that is a valid feeling too. BrewWineFlowers for you
Totally agree. The "You Shouldn't Be Upset Because All That Matters Is That You Love Each Other" crowd can fuck right off. You're still allowed to want a big bash to celebrate - and you have every right to be disappointed.

MN is is not the real world: there is a weird snobbery on here about big weddings and MN is full of sour-faced miserabilists who think it's a massive imposition to be invited to anyone's wedding, so no wonder they can't see the problem. In the real world, most people want to be able to celebrate their marriage with family and friends.

Maybe plan a big party for when this is all over?

In the meantime, fingers crossed that you have a lovely wedding day, whatever happens Flowers

StillMedusa · 10/10/2020 11:43

Sympathies here... my DD2 is getting married 2 weeks today as well, in Scotland , in her fiance's garden (it's a small holding type place)

We have rearranged, pared numbers down to the bare minumum, was ordered to change it to a public field rather than their (equal sized , remote) private one, then back again....

We are just getting it DONE, then next year are having a renewal party when hopefully the guests will be able to attend! DS1 can't even come home..he's stuck in Australia. It sucks.

They just want to be married.. legally, happily married and DD2 never wanted a big flash wedding, just one surrounded by the people that love them (and the goats, ducks, dogs etc that make up the surroundings!) Something most people DO get to experience.

I hope you get your day, and it is lovely despite 2020!!!

Notcoolmum · 10/10/2020 11:44

Aw @WooMaWang congratulations!!!!!!!!! Lovely news xxxx

Sandsnake · 10/10/2020 11:45

Ah you poor thing, that’s utter shit. I’ve had a few friends due to get married and I feel for them so much, as I do for you. I’m imagining that a lot of the worst of it is just the not knowing, endless replanning and general uncertainty of it all.

I hope that you do manage to get married in the next couple of weeks. And if you don’t, hold onto the fact that in spring things will likely have improved enough for you to do it then. Flowers

LeanishMachine · 10/10/2020 11:48

@CoronaBride2020

We just want to be married and we feel like we’ve planned four different weddings now and yet we STILL aren’t married and we don’t even know if it will happen this time either.

I don’t care about the ‘dream’ wedding at all, really I don’t. Neither does he. We want to be married and never to have to think about planning a fucking wedding ever again!

Then do that. Do it now.
Xenia · 10/10/2020 11:48

Someone above said weddings would not be banned. They were earlier in the year which I thought was dreadful (but I am against all mandatory CV19 laws and have been form the start). They banned baptisms too which was tough on some religious people. Not good at all.
I am hoping weddings will not however be banned again even if numbers go even lower than 15. If people could sign an NHS opt out and then attend bigger events and undertake not to see others after for 2 weeks that might be a compromise the Government could have for those wanting a big wedding.

TheNavigator · 10/10/2020 11:49

I'm sorry, it is crap. Anticipation is usually part of the pleasure of big events, but all you have is worry and stress. I know it doesn't compare, but it is like you cannot look forward to meeting a friend, or going on holiday, or out for a meal, because you are always aware the rules could change (like they have for us in Scotland, again) and stop the whole thing.

I truly hope you manage to have a wonderful day somehow. Just ignore all the 'it could be worse' comments. Of course it could be worse, but that doesn't mean it isn't rubbish and you are allowed to be disappointed Flowers

Scaraffito · 10/10/2020 11:51

Sorry OP, it sucks doesn't it Flowers. My best friend is in a similar situation, ultimately they decided to have a registry office wedding and are looking to through a reception type celebration in the future, but aren't bothered to plan it yet as there's little point. They did lose money when everything was cancelled and it was worse having something planned and not being able to do it than waiting it out. Hope you manage to arrange something.

ReeseWitherfork · 10/10/2020 11:52

@Xenia assume that you’re referring to what I wrote:

“Being married is a pretty important legal right to remove, they won’t do that lightly.”

I guess I should have added “again”. I know they stopped them once, I don’t think they’ll do it again.

Jaxhog · 10/10/2020 11:54

Get married now with your best relatives and friends. Wear your lovely dress and encourage the guests to dress up too.

Then, when this is all over (and it will be), have a big party to celebrate your next anniversary. Keep your dress and wear it again! Even have a blessing if you want.

Quickchange5 · 10/10/2020 11:57

Marry your wonderful man OP - a big party for your first anniversary ?

Jaxhog · 10/10/2020 11:58

If people could sign an NHS opt out and then attend bigger events and undertake not to see others after for 2 weeks that might be a compromise the Government could have for those wanting a big wedding.

It's a great idea, but it just wouldn't work in practice. You could never be sure that everyone would actually self-isolate, and I can't see the NHS refusing to treat anyone who opted-out.

keeprocking · 10/10/2020 11:58

Do you want to get married or have a wedding? Think positive, this'll save you so much money! If you want the big thing you have a couple of options, wait until you can have the big thrash or get married and have the party thing later. My husband died a couple of days into the lockdown, I had no choices, it was a family only funeral, our granddaughter made a cake, gave me some and we had kaffee und kuchen at a pre-arranged time in our own homes. I've only just begun to do the most basic things, like sort his clothes for the charity shops and I'm still having to face people for the first time who clearly don't know if they should offer sympathy or not.
It's been an awful time for lots of reasons, I hope your marriage will be as long as ours, 50+ years, at some stage in the future you'll find yourself laughing about your nails etc.!

jessstan1 · 10/10/2020 11:59

@BluebellsGreenbells

The wedding pressure comes from the wedding market.

He loves you, you want to be married.

If that’s means two witnesses then do that.

You could have a big party when this is all over and you’ve something to celebrate!

That.

Of course you will be allowed to do that. Plenty of others have.

Glendaruel · 10/10/2020 11:59

You have my sympathy. I should have got married in August but postponed to may 2021. By then we will have bought a house and had a baby. The whole world has gone mad!

hellotoday27 · 10/10/2020 12:03

You have a right to feel a bit down about the whole situation and ignore those that say otherwise. Doesn't sound like you're being unrealistic.
I hope you get the chance to get married and wish you and your fiance have a long and happy marriage together.

Enquirer20 · 10/10/2020 12:05

[quote Wineneeded247]@Enquirer20 I'll bring the gin and penis straws for the pity party as we're not having bloody hen dos are we?!! Teacher here so also desperately avoiding any germ ridden teens for the next fortnight as my luck is that weddings go ahead and I start with the cough on the day before!!![/quote]
Absolutely, will take any wedding-related chance to party now! Yes do hide from germ ridden teens, I know what that’s like! Best of luck, hoping to pop back here again in a few weeks and see you wed

IndiaMay · 10/10/2020 12:05

Are the people saying "Just get married" thick or something?

THERE WAS 3 MONTHS THIS YEAR WHEN IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO GET MARRIED. NOT WITH JUST WITNESSES, NOT WITH JUST THE TWO OF YOU, NOT ON 'ZOOM'.

This decision was made overnight when we went into lockdown and continued until July. It could happen again. I know because I'm on my 3rd bloody wedding date and also have no clue if it will be made illegal overnight

Heyahun · 10/10/2020 12:06

Just get married and have a proper celebration / party next year.

LeanishMachine · 10/10/2020 12:08

I was really shocked when they banned weddings too. Wedding parties, of course had to be restricted but the ceremony itself, the timing of which can be vital for some people.

I'd get it done while you can OP, today, if that's possible. I don't know if it is? Then plan something lovely to do with all the saved money.

severusbadger · 10/10/2020 12:12

I was supposed to get married over lockdown in Las Vegas

My absolute dream

My husband and I got married in our kitchen with my mum and dad there, and the minister from the local church - who took pity on us. I was wearing black skinny jeans and a T-shirt

All socially distanced

Very, very happily married 💜

AldiAisleofCrap · 10/10/2020 12:14

@CoronaBride2020 the tier three restrictions do not apply to weddings they are still 15 guests.

SunShinesAutumn · 10/10/2020 12:28

@CoronaBride2020 Are you and your fiancé living separately? You’ve said a few times that you don’t think yo will be able to get married just the two of you as households won’t be allowed to mix, which I’m guessing you are living separately for whatever reason unto you are married? If that was the case I would get married ASAP to be able to live together and be married during this time and have the party later on. Life is too short for that.