Supposed to get married in 2 weeks and I cannot take any more of this :-(

[CoronaBride2020]

Apologies in advance for the utter pity party that is this post. Just feeling so, so shit right now and I’m sure I’m not the only one in this position!

I’m engaged to the most wonderful man and am so excited to be his wife. We had a total dream wedding planned for March this year, with 100 guests, which of course got cancelled with just a few weeks to go. We postponed to the end of October which is now getting very close.

We have been through the original postponement and rearranging everything, then replanned and downsized for 30 people, then downsized again to 15, and now I’m sat here reading the latest news about local lockdowns and Tier 3 restrictions and.... god I just don’t know how much more of this I can take.

With 2 weeks ago am I not supposed to be getting excited and booking nail appointments and getting in a flap about something trivial like table centrepieces or whatever? Instead I’m sat here wondering, yet again, if I’m even going to be able to get married.

I know there are worse things happening in the world, and my loved ones and I all have our health which is of course what really matters in the end but I genuinely feel like I’m having a breakdown right now with so much uncertainty and stress. I’m getting help from my GP and my family are all being amazingly supportive but would love to hear from any other brides in this position because I know it can’t just be me!

I sympathise OP, my wedding in April was cancelled, rescheduled for September then almost cancelled twice due to local lockdowns. Managed to go ahead with 2 witnesses in the end. Tbh, that was mixing 3 different households but we’ve all been sensible all the way through and I’d had enough of putting my life on hold. I understand that makes me a murderer in the eyes of some. However, DP was suicidal due to the situation and I considered one day with 2 friends who had been taking precautions very low risk in comparison.

You are allowed to feel disappointed about the situation, no matter what others say. So many people said oh as long as you get it done, you can have a party next year etc. No, fuck that, I don’t want a party next year, I just wanted a good day. What pissed me off the most was that the people saying it were all married and had their day how they wanted it, yet I was made to feel selfish and unreasonable for being upset that mine was potentially ruined.

The witnesses were allowed to travel and attend the ceremony with us so I considered that if that was allowed, I can’t see why going for a bite to eat was any riskier. If you can OP, do that. We had a brilliant day and I don’t regret it at all. As long as everyone is sensible with hand washing and face coverings etc, I don’t see that putting people’s lives on hold indefinitely is doing anyone’s mental health any good. I had a bit of a break down pity party the Friday before the ceremony (which was a Monday) due to restrictions being imposed on the Sunday. I don’t think I could have coped with it not happening, given that I have been complying with all guidelines so far and others have not, yet I felt I was the one being punished. Hopefully it will go ahead for you.

Aw, I said this because you seem so frantic, upset, other emotions?
I suppose others said it for the same reason, to try and calm you and put the focus on the marriage, something to think about, the future rather than say the present that we can't really do much about.
I don't think you gave the wrong impression.
I hope all goes well for you, I know someone in this position, I feel for you all. x

I get you are hugely disappointed really, I do get that, but getting support from your GP over wedding arrangements? Are there underlying mental health issues?

Oh ChiefClerkDrumknott poor you and your poor fiancé and I’m so glad you were able to get married in the end. My mental health is the worst it’s ever been, not just because of the wedding but a heap of other crap that’s been going on recently too (plus, you know, pandemic) and it really is hard to explain quite how badly all this wedding stress and uncertainty affects you mentally. It’s exhausting!

I get you are hugely disappointed really, I do get that, but getting support from your GP over wedding arrangements? Are there underlying mental health issues?

I’m not getting support from my GP with ‘wedding arrangements’, I’m getting help with crippling panic/anxiety attacks that have been happening over the past few weeks in relation to several different things including, but not limited to, the stress of postponing and rearranging my wedding multiple times. Is that ok with you?

Oh my heart goes out to everyone that's had their wedding plans messed about so much in the last 9 months. I got married nearly 30 years ago, and at the time we had a very small registry office wedding, followed by a full-on church service blessing. Is a blessing (in whatever setting, either religious or not) something you could contemplate down the line, once you are married? You can then make it as "weddingy" or "party-like" as you choose.

I suppose others said it for the same reason, to try and calm you and put the focus on the marriage, something to think about, the future rather than say the present that we can't really do much about.

Thank you, that’s a very good way to look at it! In a few weeks hopefully I will be married and won’t have to think about any of this ever again!

I’d just book a registry office wedding now then have the day you planned 2021/2022

bengalcat

I AM having a registry office wedding, in two weeks!

Wow didn’t this thread get worse. It started with the obvious “it’s not about the wedding!” to people actually commenting on whether your MH problems are justified enough. Just wow.

No one, at any wedding remembers the centerpiece or the colour of the napkins.

What they remember is the bride and groom, and the love they have for each other which for you is very obvious.

Focus on that, that's what a marriage is about. Love, care, consideration.

Good luck, and I hope you have a wonderful day, and a beautiful start to your lives together.

ReeseWitherfork it’s ok, I knew when to expect when I decided to post on Mumsnet! Just waiting for someone to tell me my guests will all be relieved if I cancel because everyone hates going to weddings really.

LampGenie Did I really give the impression I was worrying about the colour of napkins and centrepieces? Oh dear, I have clearly expressed myself very badly. To be clear, all I want is to get married!

DH and I had a big party for our wedding, but the inlaws caused endless problems. I nearly went out of my mind trying to please everyone. Two weeks before the wedding I was just longing for it to be over. In the end we had a lovely day, but I hope we never get that much stress again.

The main thing is that you're marrying the man you love. Have a big party later, when we can have parties again, maybe on your anniversary. Then you'll have two lots of happy wedding memories.

Wishing you a lovely day and, more importantly, happy married life.

@CoronaBride2020 I completely understand, I had other things going on too (one still ongoing) but the possibility of cancelling a third time tipped me over the edge! Like you, all I wanted was a small ceremony and a nice meal, no doves, no red carpets, no centrepieces, no favours. And it seemed impossible! So it did piss me off when people who had stressed about all these things were telling me it didn’t matter 🤦🏻‍♀️
Now it’s done I feel much better, just glad it’s over! With luck you will be able to just have the ceremony and a good meal afterwards. It turned out to be a brilliant day for us and I hope it will for you 😁

If it makes you feel any better, I had the big huge expensive stressful-to-plan wedding and by the time it got to two weeks before I was just so eager for it to all be over and just be married! And afterwards the best bit really had been the vows and the fact that we were finally husband and wife. Don’t get me wrong, we had an amazing day but I just mean that at the end of the day you’re in the same position as the lucky brides who got their dream day in that you just want to be married now and you’ll just be delighted when it’s done! I’m sure you’ll look amazing in your dress and I agree with PP that it will be quite a dramatic and romantic story to tell your children and grandchildren one day.

Thank you Phrowzunn, I never made it to two weeks before the original date so I guess I have no idea how much is regular wedding stress and how much is special limited edition 2020 Corona stress! Good to know that even in normal circumstances brides can find themselves getting a bit antsy at this stage!

Don't feel guilty about being upset, I still feel sad about losing my holiday this year and I hate not knowing when or if I'll ever be able to travel again!!

Just because we know there are people worse off doesn't mean we're not allowed our own feelings. I wouldn't whine about my holiday to someone who'd lost their job but I don't feel guilty for being sad about it.

You haven’t put any effort into the napkins? Then I rescind my acceptance of your invitation. This is why your wedding isn’t happening OP... it’s karma.

No what I was trying to say (having expressed myself badly) was in response to your point ‘aren’t brides normally worried about napkins’ and I was trying to saying you had it right xx

No one should feel guilty or ashamed of wanting the big wedding they had planned for. In very different cultures all over the world people celebrate their weddings with big parties and celebrations. A wedding is not just the day you get married, but also a chance to share and celebrate this with friends and family.

So I totally understand the disappointment and uncertainty. But so much has changed this year, and we have had to change our expectations on so many things, that you might find that this makes you stronger in other ways and more resilient. Enjoy whatever wedding you have, I’m sure it will still go ahead in some form.

Not sure this will cheer you up but my dm & df wedding was near the end of the war - they had to deal with df step sisters as bridesmaids & dm ds !Df developed malaria fever on the wedding night & dm said that she was tossing blankets on him & he was tossing them off all night! Dm had to live with the evil mil & sil for a couple of years & its a story that makes most evil mil on this site look positively benign

Sorry op what I meant to add - you are doing well & you have every right to feel disappointed
Next summer will - we all hope! _ be a time to catch up on all celebrations (which will be probably include Christmas ones as well)

Our original wedding date was two weeks today All this uncertainty is rubbish, isn't it? There is no shame in feeling disappointed and upset at the current situation, it's been a massive strain. I wish you all the best and hope that you have a beautiful and wonderful day.

Can I join the pity party? 5 weeks until our wedding and while we are determined we will get married no matter what I'm petrified weddings will again be banned.
We have changed our plans 2-3 times now and I just need some level of certainty before spending and wasting any more money and time and tears.