Supposed to get married in 2 weeks and I cannot take any more of this :-(

[CoronaBride2020]

Apologies in advance for the utter pity party that is this post. Just feeling so, so shit right now and I’m sure I’m not the only one in this position!

I’m engaged to the most wonderful man and am so excited to be his wife. We had a total dream wedding planned for March this year, with 100 guests, which of course got cancelled with just a few weeks to go. We postponed to the end of October which is now getting very close.

We have been through the original postponement and rearranging everything, then replanned and downsized for 30 people, then downsized again to 15, and now I’m sat here reading the latest news about local lockdowns and Tier 3 restrictions and.... god I just don’t know how much more of this I can take.

With 2 weeks ago am I not supposed to be getting excited and booking nail appointments and getting in a flap about something trivial like table centrepieces or whatever? Instead I’m sat here wondering, yet again, if I’m even going to be able to get married.

I know there are worse things happening in the world, and my loved ones and I all have our health which is of course what really matters in the end but I genuinely feel like I’m having a breakdown right now with so much uncertainty and stress. I’m getting help from my GP and my family are all being amazingly supportive but would love to hear from any other brides in this position because I know it can’t just be me!

Right there with you @CoronaBride2020 I'm supposed to get married two weeks tomorrow, also a registry office and a small guest list but it's the bloody not knowing whether that will even be able to happen! Also, I've resigned myself to it just being our household and no guests if needed but even then, if it's tier 3 then that may not even be able to happen!
I veer between positivity, deep despair and pure bitterness! We only ever had a small wedding planned but with all our guests in a big cottage in the country which is now us guys in a massive cottage on our own and everyone else dotted about! Just knowing that we can get married in two weeks even if its just us would be enough at this stage, but the not knowing is so stressful so you have my total sympathy! Trying to stay positive but it is not that easy!

Register office ceremony and lunch with just immediate family. I’m wearing my full-on wedding dress anyway because I’ve got it and might as well wear it!*

Well that sounds lovely! Good luck xxxx

Oh Wineneeded247 you poor thing, yep that describes everything I’m going through too! What a year eh?! Hopefully see you back here in just over 2 weeks to share happy stories of how well our weddings went in the end!

Come back here every time it’s stressing you out!

This has been a fucking awful year with a lot of uncertainty and I can only imagine the unhelpful comments you get from most people when you dare suggest you’re upset you have had to wave goodbye to your meticulously planned wedding day. And it’s not like you even got to just cancel (I assume?), you didn’t just get to click your fingers and forget about it all. And you still don’t know what your wedding day will look like six months later!

There some scientific evidence to suggest uncertainty causes stress. There’s an article here but it’s a bit hard to digest, but the traffic jam example about half way through is good...

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/apr/04/uncertainty-stressful-research-neuroscience

Thank you for the kind words @ReeseWitherfork and I’m so sorry about your patio!

@CoronaBride2020 I know exactly what you mean about the mental energy and the uncertainty about whether or not even just the two of you can do it. It’s been complicated re-booking our minimal ceremony for many reasons and I really don’t want to go through that all again! Even if it was just us two - we are both key workers and have both been exposed to corona at various points. I’m having to isolate until a few days before the wedding, just hoping we are both clear on the day.

If it helps, you may not be able to have a big wedding but I’m really going hard with you for the biggest pity party ever!

@Wineneeded247 come and join @CoronaBride2020 and my pity party too! So sorry about your changed wedding, totally get both the bitterness and despair. Got all my fingers crossed for all here!

@CoronaBride2020 That's the kind of positivity I need! 2 weeks today I'm hoping to be in the hot tub with a glass of fizz safe in the knowledge I'll be getting married the next day. And you shall be a bride in a fortnight!!! Let's grab on to the glimmer of hope that is still there!
Meanwhile I shall continue cursing Boris contemplating wine at 9am and frantically googling!
@ReeseWitherfork You are the little Ray of sunshine we need right now and reading your comments and kindness to strangers melts some of my bitterness though I still think Boris is a...

@Enquirer20 I'll bring the gin and penis straws for the pity party as we're not having bloody hen dos are we?!! Teacher here so also desperately avoiding any germ ridden teens for the next fortnight as my luck is that weddings go ahead and I start with the cough on the day before!!!

Look at this a different way. You will be a Covid bride and that will be rare and memorable. Just like war brides were memorable because they made dresses from anything and made do with rations for a meal. They too couldn’t always have lots of family because they were away.

These are the stories for the grandchildren.

You are also giving the 15 and anyone who watches the Live stream something other than bloody Covid to think about and talk about.

Enjoy and celebrate the weird daftness of it all.

Op I know its shit but the important thing is you’re getting married. Role with the changes. Accept and make the most of enjoying the day. It will be amazing how ever it goes ahead.

The tier 3 restrictions might make an exception for weddings that are already planned. The Scottish government did that in their announcement (said they could go ahead under the current rules). So try not to despair.

DH and I got married with just witnesses last week. We had to postpone a wedding with guests and reception in May (til next May). So we decided to just get married and we’ll have a vow renewal ceremony and reception with guests next year (hopefully).

One of the weddings we were due go to this summer has obviously not taken place. The bride and groom are now getting married next month at the Registry Office with two witnesses and when everything is back to normal (!) they are planning on holding a big party to celebrate with everyone.

Just needed you all to know that not everyone thinks you’re a high-maintenance entitled psychopath for wanting to get married with more than a dozen people especially when you’ve planned the day and had to replan it umpteen times.

Besides the fact that none of you seem to care about that anymore, you just want to know whether you’ll be married in a couple of weeks.

I will keep everything crossed for the three of you!

Congrats @WooMaWang hope you get your party next year

We got married 15th August at a registry office with just us and two witnesses, the main stress was the actual getting married part but now we are married we can actually plan a wedding fairly stress free, we are having a celebrant so will still have a ceremony and will continue postponing the wedding till we can celebrate with all our loved ones 😁

The stress it’s caused is unreal though 😔 I feel for everyone getting married, it’s not a little bit of money either, we’ve spent 20k on ours on our dream wedding celebrating with our friends and family.

Weddings are exempt from the mixing of households rules as far as I know.

You need to decide whether the two of you and two witnesses in order to be married is "enough".

How miserable for you, completely shit.

Although you have reached the point of just wanting to be married and done it's sad and very very very disappointing to not be able to celebrate it with close family and friends, and then potentially not at all

I am really so sorry you are going through this, you don't deserve this level of stress over what ought to be a happy occasion.

For what it is worth, I would cancel and get married in the spring or summer of next year. Things are going to look very different by then, we will have come out of the second wave, we may have a vaccine, there are many things that will be better. It is now such a compromise, such a stress, I think I would do this.

Or just get married now legally - and do it all again next year - complete with vows like they do with don't tell the bride (yours will be the other way around!) and then you get to have TWO wedding days essentially.

Oh and FWIW registry office slots may be like hot cakes but church slots are very much in supply.

I think the main issue isn't the size of the wedding as I'm perfectly happy to get married with just the 4 of us from our household, the issue is that weddings will not be exempt if a tier 3 lockdown is imposed! So it's not so much the change of plans, its the fact we won't be able to get married!
@WooMaWang That is reassuring to hear and I'm hoping that may be the case!

Our friends are getting married in few weeks very similar to you already postponed .
Trimmed it down to just mums dads and siblings .
Then when they have an anniversary and there no restrictions big celebration then everybody in wedding outfits speeches cake and everything .

I actually had to stop reading an AIBU thread as it was getting my stress levels up. The poster was upset she’d not been invited to her SIL’s wedding and felt like she wasn’t being treated like family.

I honestly hope none of my ex-guests feel like that. We initially cancelled all DC, then everyone but immediate family one sister isn’t able to make it but could but it would mean she would have to jump through hoops. We told her it’s fine don’t put yourself on our account.

I blame my DP, his family is enormous. SMIL actually offered to bow out, but I want her there, she’s as wanted as MIL & FIL and siblings.

I have to admit I cried when the recent changes were announced and wedding parties went down to fifteen people.

I’m not a bridezilla at all, but the amount of planning and replanning and cancelling we’ve done is unbelievable and it costs money reprinting wedding cards/place settings etc. It’s been crazy making.

@CoronaBride2020 I was in exactly your position - postponed from June to October. Then the registry office restrictions tipped me over the end and we cancelled that (glad we did with everything that's going on now).

We eloped to Cornwall last week, just the 2 of us, and it was the most perfect day. I can't recommend running away enough! Like you, we just wanted to be married and I'm so glad we did it.

If you can't run away, look and see if there's any local venues that do 2 people weddings. You still get to have a bit of a day, food and drink etc.

I was talking to DH about this the other day, if I was in your situation OP, I would get married now, then have a blessing and party when possible, or if you aren’t having a Church wedding anyway, then just a party with speeches etc.

On my wedding day there was a freak snowstorm. I remember waking seeing the snow and then mentally calculating that enough people could walk from where they were staying to make it legal and so could the Vicar. So I was going to get married and then we'd sort out the rest later.

Probably 1/2 the people made it, some with heroic journeys. But just getting the wedding over was my top concern.

I'm very confident that you will be able to do the wedding - even if very reduced (unless you are Orthodox Jewish as apparently you need 10 adult men). And depending on where exactly you are - how many more restrictions come in might not be that many.
And look forward to having a big anniversary party in a couple of years - and cheaper than a wedding.