Booking accommodation for guests

[StrongInside]

Hi,

I am planning on having our wedding somewhere that is a 2-3 hour drive away from where we and our guests live. Nicer views, potentially cheaper venue etc. I would like to make a weekend of it, seeing how much planning goes into a wedding and how much it costs. Some only hire out their place for two days/nights minimum anyway.

One of my preferred venues is on a lovely estate with accommodation on site. They take the payment for two-night accommodation and venue hire together, but I want to ask my guests to contribute towards or pay in full for their stay (£80 a night for a large room plus access to a hot tub, pool on the grounds, games room etc., so not like a hotel room).

My question is, however stupid it sounds, how do I organise their payment and not miss out on the venue? The cost is too much for us to pay ourselves in the hope that all of our guests will attend the wedding and will be happy to pay. Many employers don’t let you book holidays until January so we don’t know who can make it.

I would prefer to leave it up to the guests to book their stay to fit their budget, but I haven’t yet found a venue without packaged accommodation that is affordable for us and ticks all the other boxes.

I’ll bow out OP. I genuinely hope you have the wedding of your dreams. Good luck with all the planning.

It was about 50/50 family and friends. No big bust ups in the families and lovely friends. We are all pretty scattered around the UK so used to having to travel long distances to meet up whatever the event.

Few of the guests are particularly wealthy and most happy to stay in places like youth hostels if it makes it affordable to get together. It was lovely to have an occasion that meant so many family and friends could get together - seeing all the reunions was very special.

We are couch potatoes with my partner, while a lot of our friends like a party or at least a good drink and a chat, so just because we wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to stay for the weekend somewhere doesn’t mean no one would.

You can have a drink and a chat and still prefer not to go away for a whole weekend.

You have 30 people coming. There will be plenty of time to see them and chat on the day. You're not wanting a huge wedding so you don't need the next day to socialise. You'll have partied and seen everyone the day before.

Thanks Bodear. No hard feelings, you were just expressing your opinion (and a lot more kindly than a few MNters I have come across).

MrsCollinssettled, it sounds lovely that you will travel like that for each other. I guess our guests all stay in one place so it’s a bit different for them to travel somewhere and not just go home instead.

Teachermaths, fair points.

There is no point in hiring a big self catering house for two nights then, only to end up there on our own. Too much to organise DIY-style for the sake of a few hours.

A restaurant private dining area/room would mean a lot is done for us and everyone can go home if it’s near home (and we would be warmer in there than under a gazebo in the evening), but instead of just any restaurant, I am drawn to the ones near water and they are hard to find or are expensive.

Like the Lodge on Loch Goil with a treehouse and accommodation on site or nearby. How pretty! But their prices are something like £14000+ for their packages.

Or The Lodge near Aboyne, but they only hire the whole place out and it’s double our budget for the whole wedding.

Any restaurants you may have heard of that are prettily located and do private dining? Presumably not everyone charges venue hire if they happen to be open till late anyway. I am staring at the map of various lakes and rivers and getting sadder by the minute. I’m still prepared to take a chance and book further afield than just somewhere northern, maybe a self-catering site with a restaurant or barn there too, please share your ideas. You never know, you might suggest somewhere local to us that we haven’t thought of- I’m not disclosing my exact location because my family have been helping with the online search and I would like to talk freely without them having a nosey at my posts😊

Just because you have a wedding further away and guests will pay to stay overnight doesn't mean they are likely to join you again the following day.

I've been to many weddings that have required a stay away with offers of joining the bride and groom the following day. But I pretty much always decline unless we are all in the same hotel and they are meeting up for breakfast. Other than that i either want to have a day exploring the destination for myself (given I've paid money to be there) or I just want to get home. I've found out afterwards that it's usually only a handful of people that do go to the lunch the following day.

It is starting to feel like wedding days are being turned into wedding weekends... a bit like hen/stag nights have turned into weekends.

I also don't tally up hen vs wedding spend thinking ... well I didn't go on a hen do so I will spend more on the wedding. Marriage is not on the cards for me at all and people don't spend more on other events in my life because they won't have the cost of a wedding for me (even when I've spend hundreds on my friends hen dos and weddings!). It just doesn't work like that.

Stronginside - I hope some locals can help you find something that works for you.

Could you just book all the tables in a restaurant to make it private maybe?
How many people and further north than this or not?
www.lochnessboathouse.co.uk/index.html

I went to a wedding in Braemar. Ceremony on the banks of the Linn of Dee and party in the community Hall. One of the best I've been to

If you are interested related to pay for the full house rental yourself, go for it - anything back from people wanting to stay over will just reduce your overall costs, but places no expectation on anyone.
Went to a wedding like this a couple of years ago / room wasn't cheap, and was above the main evening reception room which was really not good with a 3yo flower girl.
I love the idea, but that not if you don't have to rely on your guests paying for their rooms to supplement the cost - especially if you're going to have to sort breakfast out yourself - the morning after your wedding!!?!?!?

Having read a bit more of the thread, what about a field you could hire out with a marquee, posh toilets etc?
YHA are sometimes registered for weddings - we looked at one near us, even taking into account paying for the full accommodation for a whole weekend it was not ridiculous, although we had a bigger guest list I suppose.
Some camp sites offer clamping pods and also a space where you could have your marquee for food/bar/entertainment

EttyG, I think because weddings cost so much and involve so much planning, couples want to make the most of it and turn their day into a weekend. But thanks for sharing your experience, it seems to be similar to that of others.

MrsCollinssettled, thank you, and thanks for your input!

Jackstini, the restaurants I keep finding are too expensve to hire in full, but that would be a great idea otherwise. The Boathouse looks nice and I will contact them.

One more thing has occurred to me, if we hire a house to hold our wedding at, we could have our toddler sleeping upstairs with a video monitor on, whereas if we have a reception somewhere like a restaurant, someone will have to leave the wedding early to put the little one to bed and stay there. What does everyone do with their babies at weddings?

If no one is going to want to come for an overnight stay or meet up with us the following day, there is no point in my search for a perfect venue anywhere further than a short drive away then..☹️😢

I think if they are close friends and family then they would probably travel to a nice location and stay over nearby, so I would still consider that venue if it's your preferred one. But I don't see how you can do it purely on the basis you want people to commit the following day too. Many people, including yourself, have said they just wouldn't do a second day.

Just focus on the wedding day itself. That's the most important! Keep perspective! Then on the following day, by all means invite people to join you for lunch or something, but I think you need to give up on the idea that loads of people are going to want to commit to joining you in a two day wedding celebration. So pick something you are happy doing just as a couple/family and it's a bonus if others join you.

RainbowMum11, yeah, the thread had grown and grown so I completely appreciate that no one new will read all of it. We have discussed glamping and youth hostels on the earlier pages and it’s just not our thing, too basic. Thanks anyway.

You might not want to see everyone the next day. I thought I’d feel utterly deflated the morning after our wedding and wanted to plan something for the day after a barbecue or something. I am soooo glad I didn’t. Having breakfast with dh the next morning I remember just saying please take me home. I was exhausted and all peopled our from the day before. I didn’t rush off I said all our goodbyes properly but I could t wait for it all to be over and to get some absolute peace.

Thanks for sharing LooksBetterWithAFilter. I just hate when celebrations and holidays end and we come back to the same house chores and same daily routine.