Booking accommodation for guests

[StrongInside]

Hi,

I am planning on having our wedding somewhere that is a 2-3 hour drive away from where we and our guests live. Nicer views, potentially cheaper venue etc. I would like to make a weekend of it, seeing how much planning goes into a wedding and how much it costs. Some only hire out their place for two days/nights minimum anyway.

One of my preferred venues is on a lovely estate with accommodation on site. They take the payment for two-night accommodation and venue hire together, but I want to ask my guests to contribute towards or pay in full for their stay (£80 a night for a large room plus access to a hot tub, pool on the grounds, games room etc., so not like a hotel room).

My question is, however stupid it sounds, how do I organise their payment and not miss out on the venue? The cost is too much for us to pay ourselves in the hope that all of our guests will attend the wedding and will be happy to pay. Many employers don’t let you book holidays until January so we don’t know who can make it.

I would prefer to leave it up to the guests to book their stay to fit their budget, but I haven’t yet found a venue without packaged accommodation that is affordable for us and ticks all the other boxes.

I think in your heart, you knew what you were expecting was too much. You basically wanted to get your guests to pay for your venue. Even in your OP you said it was £80 per room. It wasn’t until later that you admitted that it would be £80 per person per room, so £320 per couple for the weekend which you wanted to book for rather than the £160 you initially made it sound like. I think you created that misconception in the hope that it made it seem less cheeky, because you already knew that we would all say you were asking too much.

Of course you want a venue you love. Most close friends are happy to travel for a couple of hours to get to their friends wedding. That length of travel isn’t a problem for most. But expecting them to pay hundreds for accommodation, then ask them to chip in for food, then the petrol costs, the outfit costs. It’s too much. Find a lovely venue, but don’t force your guests to accept your choice of accommodation. And if your friends have children and you make it a child free wedding, you need to accept that they might not all be able to come if it’s away from home.

It's just about the choice. People choose to drive far and pay for accommodation but you can't force it. I nearly cancelled going to a friend's wedding recently because of the cost. At least if guests have some freedom as to where they are staying/how long they are staying, they'll be more likely to attend.

Weddings are expensive for guests - hen/stag dos, accommodation, travel, gifts, outfits.

Or just look at Virgin holidays or similar.
£3,000 gets the three of you to the bloody Caribbean with a wedding thrown in. I mean that has got to be better value than an ove priced marquee in a garden and a rainy buffet hasn’t it?

SheWoreBlueVelvet, thanks for looking into it. I know, I know, I would do it in a heartbeat but the translation costs, interpreter for the ceremony etc.etc. add up. We definitely don’t want to elope. I have been contacting wedding venues and planners abroad and they either don’t get back to me or the catering is the same cost as here. I will have a better look at Italian AirBnb, and maybe if we cut down on the guest list.. Definitely more my kind of wedding (plus honeymoon while our parents spend some time with our toddler😊).

ASauvignonADay, yes, I will not be offering the set choice of accommodation anymore. There won’t be a hen or stag party, maybe just a couple of drinks at a house party or something. But I know what you mean about the other expenses. I have always done my own hair and makeup as a guest, got a high street dress in the sales or online etc. so I wouldn’t expect anyone to splash out for me, but I know some people feel the pressure to do it anyway.

Lulualla, nowhere in my post did I say per room. I said per night, as in each guest to pay £80 a night, but I can see how potentially it wasn’t as clearly written down as it was in my head. I wasn’t trying to appear less cheeky or conceal the true price.

@StrongInside If there's anything I've learned from wedding planning so far, other than how unbelievably expensive it is if you don't have people to help, it's that planning an event for a lot of people when it's hugely important to you but of varying importance to them is hard.

Take destination weddings. Some people can get loads of people to attend. Now, they may have invited 150 people and 30 turned up but 30 looks a lot because they've all gone abroad. They may have invited 40 people but 30 turned up because they're all really close. They may have friends all around the same demographic, who can easily afford that holiday. Other couples might have a lot less people turn out, because they aren't as close, or the guests can't afford it as easily. There's no way you can know that. A friend of mine got married in Cyprus last year, she sent many messages during planning asking who could come, realistically, who would want to, what type of costs. She got loads of lovely replies about how people wouldn't miss it, they'd make a holiday of it, they'd already recruited grandparents to babysit etc... And 12 of us went, including partners. The same is true of engagement parties. Industry standard is supposed to be something like 40% of people who RSVP yes will actually attend.

So you have to pick something you want to do, and make it as good as possible for the guests.

We've compromised on location a lot more than I wanted to, because it's really important to my fiancé that some people are there. We are also still paying more than I wanted, because we've managed to get a deal with lots of food and entertainment for the guests (canapés, drinks, three course meal, evening buffet, a couple of drinks each). Our meal won't be formal, we're not having speeches, but people will be well-fed, entertained and hopefully enjoy themselves. I can't bring myself to look at dresses yet because of the cost! We're not having hen/stag dos.

Have you tried the age old, write down everything you'd like and then prioritise based on how much you want it and whether you'd be willing to pay extra for it, idea? That helped us a bit. It has been compromises. Both between us, and for the guests... Because although we have a small guest list and they're all lovely and very excited for us, at the end of the day, it's not their top priority.

A restaurant is a nice idea. I hope you find somewhere. I'm not sure if this will have helped, but hopefully it's a bit of solidarity at least!

Apologies haven't rtwft, but you say the venue is cheaper. Cheaper for whom? For you maybe, but not your guests.

SheWoreBlueVelvet, if I wasn’t so scared of flying long distance or concerned about travelling all that way with a toddler, or didn’t want our nearest and dearest there- in a heartbeat. Definitely, MOST definitely better value and better setting! Right, I will look at abroad again. I was looking at Portugal and Italy but it was taking forever to get replies from anyone over there, it all looked out of budget catering-wise (large minimum spend etc.) and the logistics were a bit meh.

£80 a night for a large room

That’s what you said, which made it seem like it was priced per room not per person.

What sort of budget have you got for what number of people?

What are your priorities? It sounds like location is high on the list.

Whenever you read a best/worst wedding thread anywhere, the worst involve large expenses for guests, waiting around and being hungry. Most people’s best weddings are being well fed and watered with as little inconvenience as possible.

AnchorDownDeepBreath, wow, only 12 of you went after all those messages confirming planned on attending? That must made the bride feel awful. Good time for those who did go though, right?

Bride and groom can try to make their wedding day nice for their guests but no guarantee everyone will enjoy it. I have been to a wedding where there were canapes, drinks, wedding breakfast, band, grand hotel etc. But a few of us were soooo bored wondering around the hotel while the photos were being taken for hours, despite canapes, then bored during speeches that we couldn’t hear because the ballroom was so huge (shame because the speeches seemed funny to the tables nearer the top table), and the band was so loud we just wanted to leave. The happy couple had a ball and that’s what counts. So I want the same for my big day- to make enough effort to make it nice but not to spend half a mortgage deposit on a party.

Definitely helps to hear about your prep and I hope your day is fantastic! I will write down my venue ideas and combinations that could work, eg. Hiring a cottage just big enough to hang out before and after the wedding but not so big it costs our whole budget, having our ceremony inside or on the lawn outside the house, then catering in a nearby restaurant (I have previously been looking for houses big enough to sit all of us).

Ffsnosexallowed, well, yes, because if I don’t find a venue I can afford, there will be no guests because there will be no wedding. I have scrapped the original post idea anyway.

CalmFizz, no more than £3000 for the whole wedding. Guest list has 30 people including children, as PP pointed out, there will be a percentage who won’t attend. Location/venue is top of the list, then catering (obviously hand in hand with venue if the venue is a restaurant), then entertainment (the rest can be DIYed, these three can’t).

My head is so fried with this whole thing. If I pick a venue that isn’t local to us, how do I get decorations to them, does anyone know? Like, if I find a restaurant and want certain centrepieces, how do I get them across? I wasn’t planning on driving and back forth to the venue.

*driving back and forth

You either get them delivered to the venue on the morning of your wedding by your supplier or you take them with you.

I think £3000 is ambitious! Have you done a proper budget?

PotteringAlong, I guess I’ll cross that bridge later.

MoederVanEen, I know it’s not anywhere near the average UK wedding budget, but that’s all I’m prepared to spend on a party.

I'm all for budget but for a wedding, that will be tight. You can do it easily if you just get married at a registry office and then pop down to a restaurant for your party but to hire a venue (and you want a weekend thing), feed your guests, decorate, entertain, photography etc etc. It will be tight.

If that's your budget them that's your budget. But you may need to rethink having a lovely weekend getaway in scenic surroundings.

Yeah, rethinking the budget every day, close to giving up altogether. It doesn’t have to be a weekend thing, but the surroundings have to be nicer than an old pub. I guess I have always thought, you can get married anywhere in Scotland so surely it would be nice not to be inside a traditional hotel but in a nice outdoor setting. Been looking through the Scottish Wedding Directory for inspiration, but so far it’s all about big barns and award-winning hotels.

Not rethinking the budget, rethinking the venues/weekend thing.

Re Airbnb, just check the host is ok with you inviting extra guests, many are not insured for this, their details will confirm whether they accept extra guests or events (Airbnb host here)

Also where in Scotland are you, maybe others can help with local places you are just not aware of!

I doubt you’ll find a modern countryside house as they aren’t a usual mix, unless you look at barn conversions maybe?
Or brand New building

You can’t be that far from woodland or countryside?

SunsetYorks, thanks, I have been filtering by whether properties are suitable for events.

I am now trying to think of a venue that isn’t necessarily a wedding venue, because they won’t use some wedding awards they have won to hike up their prices and won’t have expensive packages. We aren’t into whisky so not a distillery, not into museums or art galleries. Can anyone think of such a venue?
We could then have our reception at a restaurant with free room hire (if I can find one).

SunsetYorks, we are up North (I like to keep my anonymity 😬).

GreenTulips, I think you are right. Country houses, estates, inns- all full of character and none modern. So I am now moving on from that idea. Plenty of countryside and woodland nearby, just nothing modern😬

When I say modern decor, I mean Venachar Lochside restaurant, Malmaison hotels, Craggantoul Lodges (sadly, the latter don’t host weddings). Loch Tay Woodland Lodges do host weddings but they are not responding to me.

Have you checked with youth hostels as I posted below ?