Booking accommodation for guests

[StrongInside]

Hi,

I am planning on having our wedding somewhere that is a 2-3 hour drive away from where we and our guests live. Nicer views, potentially cheaper venue etc. I would like to make a weekend of it, seeing how much planning goes into a wedding and how much it costs. Some only hire out their place for two days/nights minimum anyway.

One of my preferred venues is on a lovely estate with accommodation on site. They take the payment for two-night accommodation and venue hire together, but I want to ask my guests to contribute towards or pay in full for their stay (£80 a night for a large room plus access to a hot tub, pool on the grounds, games room etc., so not like a hotel room).

My question is, however stupid it sounds, how do I organise their payment and not miss out on the venue? The cost is too much for us to pay ourselves in the hope that all of our guests will attend the wedding and will be happy to pay. Many employers don’t let you book holidays until January so we don’t know who can make it.

I would prefer to leave it up to the guests to book their stay to fit their budget, but I haven’t yet found a venue without packaged accommodation that is affordable for us and ticks all the other boxes.

Just saw your post about the restaurant idea further away. Again you are expecting people to spend 2 nights away from home. Plus if they hang out the day before they'll need to take annual leave. That's quite an expectation.

£40pppn is still £160 for the weekend for a couple, never mind any children. Add in presents, new clothes and suddenly it's very expensive.

To be honest @StrongInside - we're planning on eating just as a family, spending some time with the kids on this day as on the wedding day we probably won't get much quality time with them.

We plan just to go somewhere local (we all live within 10 -15 mins drive) to eat and tell people we will be there from X time (after we've eaten). Again we're not too fussed if anyone comes or not. We won't be there late anyway as kids will be at school the following day.

Have you asked if family yet what they would like to do over the weekend?

I haven’t RTFT but...

I had a friend who did as you were proposing - hiring a huge venue, 2/3 hours drive away, 2 nights stay, self catering. It worked out to be hideously expensive for everyone and while she got her dream wedding there was a lot of resentment... I would never ever do it again. As it is we just stayed in a B and B for the one night!

It’s your wedding - but it’s just one day for everyone else. When we got married we elected for a slightly less cool venue (golf club reception) but had so much fun and everyone came - and people also commented on how much better it was to have somewhere closer, transport arranged (a routemaster) to the reception and shit loads of booze and food.

Most of our guests stayed for the 3 nights, some stayed for 2 (even though the 3 were paid for by us).

By saying I don’t think your budget matches your aesthetics I mean that the hotels you mention as your ideal are expensive and if you want people to stay you have to either have wealthy guests or pay for them.

Just read your last post. Honestly I think you’re expecting a lot here. I think you should go with the cottage or whatever if it’s in budget and then see who wants to stay and plan accordingly.

You’re glamourising the ‘after wedding’ bit - Id definitely want to go home sorry!

Have you looked at venues that do private dining? Or a chef coming out to a cottage to cook for you afterward getting married.

Would none of you want to hang out with your friends after the wedding?

Gotta be honest, I wanted this too, I thought it'd be lovely for our closest friends to stay with us and have breakfast or something the next day. We picked a venue that made it possible and everyone has been really keen... but a friend planned the same for her wedding last weekend and nobody stayed, really. They love the day but then need to get back to their lives. So I think we're planning to spend it together; and if people do want to join us, they are welcome! You can't plan for what people will or won't do, sadly. They'll go with how they feel on the night and how it fits into their lives and plans...

Wedding planning is tough! We've got a while to go and it still seems relentless.

We had a venue that was personal to us but meant that 3/4s of the guests would have to travel upwards of three hours. We gave out lists of all the accommodation locally, at all price brackets. We rejected stag/hen dos to cut costs for guests and just invited people to join us in a local pub the night before. The day after the wedding we hosted a lunchtime bbq for those that were travelling so that they didn't have to fork out for another meal. We tried to take out as much of the costs for guests as possible.

The lunchtime was great as we managed to catch up with people who we hadn't had long with at the actual wedding.

In all 90 people made the journey so it is doable - you just need to make it as easy and affordable as possible.

I don't wish to be negative but just be careful using air bnb for something as important as a wedding. We have had hosts cancel our booking a few days before arrival on two occasions.

Teachermaths, having been on destination wedding forums a lot over the last couple of years, I have seen many couples with 30, 40 and even 100 guests post about their weddings. If it wasn’t so hard to organise in certain preferred countries and expensive in others (possibly even worse post-Brexit), we would have gone down that route. Selfish? Maybe. But you could argue that every couple is selfish to an extent when it comes to choosing their venue, food style, entertainment. They don’t exactly do a poll of what each and every guest would like.

Guests wouldn’t have to stay 2 nights, our ceremony will be in the afternoon to avoid having to provide food twice, so plenty of time to drive down on the day. Only two couples have children coming so not a lot of the guests would have to pay extra.
If people choose to get new outfits and gifts, that’s their choice, we aren’t asking them to.

You are right though about it taking up a whole weekend after everyone’s worked the whole week. The irony is, I wouldn’t stay the weekend myself unless it was for my best friend or my partner’s🤦🏻‍♀️

Since2016, I’m surprised by the wedding turning out to be so expensive for the guests. Was it the cost of B&B and petrol?

Brideof2020, it’s a nice idea to let everyone know where you will be hanging out the following day. I guess that’s where I was going with my idea- if we are inviting people to hang out the next day, might as well do it at a lodge or somewhere that isn’t our usual hang out place.

I guess the closer venue it is then? The pros of the restaurant are: amazing views and it’s a ready to go venue, with catering, tables/chairs, some table decorations, setup and cleanup all done for us. The cons- distance and somewhat high hire cost.
The cottage is a blank canvas which we have always said we wouldn’t want doing unless it was our only option. How much would it cost to hire tables, chairs and staff to set it all up/clear away, does anyone know? There is a lawn but no spectacular views.

have seen many couples with 30, 40 and even 100 guests post about their weddings

But you have no idea how many they invited, whether they subsidised the cost, whether they were family or not. If you invite 100 people and get 30 that's great for an abroad wedding. If you do that in the UK It would be pretty upsetting. The people I know (5) who had destination weddings had 8-15 guests depending on circumstances. None of the weddings were outside Europe and they all hoped for more.

The irony is, I wouldn’t stay the weekend myself unless it was for my best friend or my partner’s

That is how most people feel!

How much would it cost to hire tables, chairs and staff to set it all up/clear away, does anyone know?

Totally depends on the location. You need to speak to local caterer? They may need to hire catering equipment etc.
Are you planning on eating outside? Risky weather wise.

If you want to have a drink with friends the night before you're kind of expecting them to stay 2 nights. I'd turn the offer down and come up on the Saturday but some might feel pressured.

I don’t quite understand why you want to spend time with guests the next day! I’d want my new husband all to myself!

Typed up a long message and clicked refresh🤦🏻‍♀️ Jellybellydancer, yes, I have found a couple of cottages with an option of private catering. It’s the organising of tables, chairs, gazebo etc. setup and cleanup that is putting me off. The more suppliers to organise, the more complicated it becomes. But I guess still doable and much cheaper than hotel weddings.

AnchorDownDeepBreath, glad someone else has wanted the same thing. So are you doing the same as Brideof2020 and inviting people to join you at a local place for lunch or evening drinks the next day? I’m trying to imagine what I would do as a guest- if I was already dressed up, made up and out, I would probably continue on with whatever the bride and groom had planned but if I went home, I wouldn’t bother coming out for lunch or drinks the next day. Or maybe I would. I just don’t want to sit somewhere waiting for our friends and no one turns up. Are you going to reserve a private area in the hope your friends turn up? I would have thought the restaurant or pub needs to know approximate numbers. Then it would look stupid if only the two of us sit in the reserved area.

MrsCollinssettled, oh now I’m really interested. How did you manage to get 90 guests to attend? You didn’t pay for their accommodation and you took up their whole weekend, just like I was planning to.

Styleandsubstance, good point! Never happened to us before but I guess that could happen to suppliers as well.

Teachermaths, planned on a meal under a gazebo because we won’t all fit in a house. Definitely safer bet to be inside a restaurant..

SunsetYorks, having been together for over a decade and living together for most of that time, I guess we see each other every day and the wedding is a chance to get together with people who we otherwise don’t see often, especially since having our baby. Gosh, have we become totally unromantic!

P.S. We don’t have been gatherings for our birthdays pr New Year’s Eve anymore so this will be our chance for a longer party. We can spend time with my partner on honeymoon (well, our toddler will have to be there too..).

OP- we hadn't had a happy family occasion for a number of years, college friends were able to turn in into a reunion, and we have a number of friendship groups who are widely scattered so again it was an excuse for a get together.

Not having an hen/stag do probably saved guests at least £100 on the overall bill for coming to the wedding. There will be a lot of MN raised eyebrows but the majority of the 90 (say it quietly) were evening guests. . The invites gave timings for the sit down meal, cake cutting, speeches etc that were all done in the evening so they weren't travelling just for a disco and a little buffet.

We did lots of legwork providing cab numbers, cash point locations (it was rural) and local tourist info so it was clear that they were at the front of our planning. They all contributed to the playlist too.

We only had 10 decline their invites.

MrsCollinssettled, so did the majority of your guests miss the ceremony or did you have it in the evening too? We won’t be having a hen or stag do either. And I totally plan to look up all the local taxi etc. info if we choose a further afield option. Do you think it worked out expensive for the guests to attend your wedding? A lot of people seem to think it would across several threads that I have had going.

OP you wouldn’t do it yourself as a guest so why would you expect someone else to do it for you?! You’re focusing on only feeding them once/ saving costs (which is fine) but then expecting your guests to shell out in a manner that you yourself wouldn’t.
That’s the definition of bridezilla surely.

My friend did this and ended up begging people to stay instead of a wedding gift. We had booked self catering nearby as we prefer it and wanted to extend our stay. Plus it had two bed rooms rather than share with kids.

Hi OP, not sure how far up north you are but would this be an option:

www.glaramarahouse.co.uk/

I've stayed there before and it's lovely - modern, clean, amazing food, comfortable, loads to do nearby, staff are amazing.

Guests stayed at everywhere from campsites and youth hostels to luxury hotels. I know some couples who came up on the day and left after the bbq did it for about £100 for the couple. Children were included so that people didn't have to worry about childcare and no one left their children behind.

I would think the average spend per couple was £200 for accommodation, fuel and drinks for 2 nights.

50 to ceremony, 120 to the evening. The evening was definitely the main event for us.

Hi @StrongInside I won't be reserving any areas, the places we would consider do have separate eating / drinking areas. I imagine most people will send us a quick text letting us know whether they will be joining us or not. I'm not expecting all our guests to join us the following day its more really siblings, close friends and a few others. One of Stbdh brothers doesn't live in UK, so it would be nice if they could come.

Bodear, not really helpful to call me a bridezilla when all I’m trying to do is get advice on how to make my wedding special and possibly extend the wedding celebrations.

We are couch potatoes with my partner, while a lot of our friends like a party or at least a good drink and a chat, so just because we wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to stay for the weekend somewhere doesn’t mean no one would.

CottonSock, we aren’t going to be putting a gift list in the invites so people don’t have to get us anything, but oh dear, poor friend of yours! I think she must be like me, you plan the wedding for a year or longer, so you want to make the most of having your family and friends in one place, and the wedding day itself hardly allows to spend quality chilled out time with everyone.

2015newstart, we are in the North of Scotland, a fair distance from Lake District, otherwise that place sounds lovely. Thanks anyway!

MrsCollinssettled, do you have particularly wealthy friends? Surely not, and you have made it happen. I would absolutely look into a next day bbq, that’s a nice way to thank guests for giving up their weekend. What do you think sold the idea of overnight stay to such a large number of guests? Was it all mainly family who would have gone anywhere for you and your husband?

Brideof2020, I think in our case it would end up just family turning up, whereas I would like to have a good catch up with friends.

I’m so torn. Stupid hire costs everywhere. Self catering cottages are rented by 2 nights minimum, if not 3, a bit pointless if everyone goes home.