Booking accommodation for guests

[StrongInside]

Hi,

I am planning on having our wedding somewhere that is a 2-3 hour drive away from where we and our guests live. Nicer views, potentially cheaper venue etc. I would like to make a weekend of it, seeing how much planning goes into a wedding and how much it costs. Some only hire out their place for two days/nights minimum anyway.

One of my preferred venues is on a lovely estate with accommodation on site. They take the payment for two-night accommodation and venue hire together, but I want to ask my guests to contribute towards or pay in full for their stay (£80 a night for a large room plus access to a hot tub, pool on the grounds, games room etc., so not like a hotel room).

My question is, however stupid it sounds, how do I organise their payment and not miss out on the venue? The cost is too much for us to pay ourselves in the hope that all of our guests will attend the wedding and will be happy to pay. Many employers don’t let you book holidays until January so we don’t know who can make it.

I would prefer to leave it up to the guests to book their stay to fit their budget, but I haven’t yet found a venue without packaged accommodation that is affordable for us and ticks all the other boxes.

@stronginside we got married earlier this year. Some of your ideas I love and we did. We had buffet, no speeches, very relaxed etc etc (no problem with portion control... although the caterer advised us to limit the number of dishes as the more choice the more people take ) our budget was more than yours and due to certain decisions I didn't think we would spend it but I think we did.

Originally I wanted to get married in a beach house in my DH home town. It was expensive would have been 50% of total budget for accomodation. It was small too. On a sunny day it would be amazing. If it had poured all day it would have been horrendous.

In the end I listed the important things about our wedding - 1) getting married 2) having our friends and family around 3) everyone enjoying themselves 4) hosting and paying for the event ourselves etc etc photos for us were low down the list.

Then we thought about our guests and what would suit them - sit down meal wouldn't have worked for many reasons.

We ended up in a local church/community centre. Once decorated it was lovely. We spent all the budget easily - lots on catering as that was a priority, lots on drink - we wanted it all free. I treated myself to a pianist which I loved (rest of music was Spotify playlist on their sound system). The day was fabulous. On reflection, if on a tight budget buying a package at a local hotel would be cheaper - they do things like pig roast buffet options.

Also if you do it yourself remember to pay someone (or two) on the day to be in charge of everything including co-ordinating the clear up.

Have a fabulous day whatever you decide. Happy to answer any questions you may have.

Thinking about it one of the best receptions I've been to was in a community hall. They had the wedding in a church, then moved to the hall where there was a magician to entertain DCs then a pub singer and disco , a hog roast, an open bar with some casks of beer and spirits- people also brought their own drinks- the local parish ladies had made desserts for the table and the wedding cake was a cheese one.

Guests generally don't care too much about the perfect wedding venue - they want to see their friends getting married, have a good time and preferably not spend a fortune.

What about Glamping?

Some sites might have a hall you can use - look at smaller sites.

Rookiemere and GreenTulips, I haven’t had a look into youth hostels or glamping just because they aren’t for us. I don’t mean to sound snobbish at all, but they just aren’t somewhere we have ever stayed, apart from when we were in our late teens-early 20s. There are always cheap enough B&Bs or Airbnbs nowadays, so I am now looking at venues that aren’t solely wedding venues where we could then ask guests to find own accommodation within their budget nearby. Third of our guests are older family members, some others have little kids, so they will need some more creature comforts than those two options can provide.

I think hiring a community or village hall would be one of the cheapest options but they are too big for 25-30 people. I mean we only need a couple of tables to sit everyone, and we aren’t into bands so won’t be having one, maybe a magician because that would entertain everyone. I am just struggling to imagine how we wouldn’t rattle around in a large hall and how long it would take to decorate (smaller space= less decorations, less clean up).

User1474.., thanks! I will PM you with a couple of questions, if you don’t mind.

Op
Our local town hall do lovely wedding packages.
You can marry there then have your reception there,
I’m glad you have disregarded the expensive room stay idea.

Is there really not a nice restaurant near you?

I was going to suggest a church wedding then the church hall. Local to you.

I think you need to have a look at what’s available in the glamping world!

They aren’t ‘rough’ they are more expensive than some hotels.

Emilybrontescorsett, ours is on a very busy road and close to court so prison vans can often be seen outside🤦🏻‍♀️ No packages for reception there.

SunsetYorks, there are plenty of restaurants but I really wanted to have somewhere more special or in a place where we haven’t been to before, rather than it feeling like a birthday meal out.

UrsulaPandress, would have been cheap but we aren’t religious.

GreenTulips, I may do, just out of curiosity:)

Awww I feel for you, it’s not easy! Only thing I can think of is a large house that you can stay in & can seat everyone (even renting an extra table & chairs) and getting caterers in!

Near enough home so others can go home (hire mini buses?) and you can be Lord & lady for the night

SunsetYorks, I never thought about hiring an extra table and chairs, that’s a great idea! I will have a look on lettings websites again. Maybe instead of a 2-3 hour drive, I could find somewhere a bit closer so that like you say, some guests could go home if they wanted to👍

Did you find anywhere?

Sorry SunsetYorks, didn’t see your message. Well... I thought I did, a restaurant within our budget, far enough that guests could make a weekend of it with us but not that far that they would decline the invite. Then we got the quote for the full day hire (as opposed to just for ceremony and reception meal= 4 hour hire) and it looks steep- I thought restaurants didn’t charge for hire??

I am waiting for a breakdown of the hire cost and in the meantime, starting to revisit the self-catering house with nice grounds idea. Not to pay for all our guests, just covering the cost of however many rooms the house happens to have. The rest would find B&Bs etc. Put up a gazebo from Amazon on the lawn with hired tables and chairs, a caterer can’t be hard to find who will set everything up. I thought it would involve us all rearranging furniture, assembling the gazebo and putting up/taking down decorations all day before and then after the wedding, but maybe we could find someone to do it for us?
Or go with fewer but high impact decorations (bright silk flowers and fairy lights).

I have found a modern (!) cottage at £600ish for two nights with nice grounds (no lake, waterfall or anything spectacular but plenty of space to have an arch, a gazebo and without any strangers wondering around). Catering has been recommended by the owner- really good price at £15-20pp for what you get, he can help with organising some of the other bits too.

Slight problem (for me) is that it is a short drive home for most guests, which means people will probably pick designated drivers or share taxis and just come for the day, then home! 🤭 This is how every wedding I have been to in my life went, with me usually staying long enough to mingle and have cake and then home time. But I got it in my head that I have waited so many years for our wedding, I want to have at least some guests celebrate with us afterwards, reflect on the wedding, toast marshmallows by the fire, you get the picture😬 So should I look further away so that people have to stay? People could just decline to come altogether.

Hi OP, after many months of planning, probably a hectic few weeks in the lead up to your big day, and a likely very busy day on the day itself, won't you want some quiet time with just your new DH after your wedding day, to reflect over your day with your new DH rather than still having to cater for guests as well..... I'm sure alot of people attend a wedding and expect, and probably want to go home after it. Obviously travelling out of town is different if they're staying in a hotel etc.
What does your stbdh want?
Do you have any idea whether any of your guests want to stay overnight on the day of your wedding? You maybe going to all this trouble to accommodate them, but they may all prefer to go back to their homes.

Hey Brideof2020, that’s a good point, I haven’t asked any guests yet whether they would be up for a weekend-long celebration. Several have kids, do their weekly shop on a weekend or visit elderly relatives, so maybe my idea of keeping them overnight would actually interfere with their plans. I have heard that even if guests tell you one thing, it might not be what they actually do when the time comes.

We will have our young toddler with us, so it won’t be just myself and new husband carefree doing whatever we like, unfortunately (we can ask our parents to have our LO overnight but not sure if we would leave our LO with them the whole weekend). Also, knowing my partner, he will probably want to go home cut the grass or something if there is no after-party (he works long shifts so is quite happy to be home and potter about when he isn’t working).

What do you plan to do the day after the wedding? What do others usually do?

I just don’t want to go home and have dishes to do/laundry to fold in the morning after the wedding, and after having our baby, we have missed out on quite a few parties so would have been nice to chill out with our friends after the stressful months of prep and the busy wedding day😕

We had similar discussions when we got married 4 years ago. We looked at loads of options there was a fab place near Perth I wish I could remember the name. It was a load of cottages and lodges near a village with hotels. You could book out all the cottages and the place had a bar area you could stock yourself and a barbecue pit. Can’t remember why we didn’t get married there now. We ended up getting married in a little estate chapel in the Highlands (they have a music festival there in the summer) you can camp, get a marquee pretty much do anything you want there on the day. We ended up with a sit down meal in a hotel in town their package was too good to not. We had originally planned and wanted something far less formal but for many reasons compromised and a buffet was often turning out to be far more expensive than what we ended up with.

Hi @StrongInside - I'm same as you 2 Kids and we have no one that could have them overnight so I totally understand where you're coming from.

We're staying in an apartment the night of the wedding, so we're planning a relaxing morning, (think kids will sleep in as they will be shattered- that's the plan !!) A leisurely Breakfast, I've booked late checkout so no rush for us. I've not figured out yet how we are getting home lol !! But then we're planning on having a late lunch out and telling friends and family where we will be afterwards if they want to join us for a few drinks.

Then, it will be back to school runs etc the following day as we're getting married in term time !!! Although we are planning on having some time off work before and after our wedding.

Could you ask your parents / siblings / close friends to stay overnight then and celebrate with you, would that be an option if your elder relatives want to go home .

Hi OP, you might have to reconcile yourself to the fact that your budget may not match your aesthetic. Decide what is truly important to you and then either up the budget Or look for what’s practical within it.

I’d go with the cottage, sounds ideal. I don’t think you can make guests stay I’m afraid especially if close to home, people like their home comforts!

I’d ask someone to have your LO overnight and just enjoy being the 2 of you the next day.

Could you have the ceremony, meal and then fire pit & music and snacks in the evening? That sounds really lovely.

You could also say if enough people want to stay you will cater for lunch the next day?

You can't make people stay. It costs a lot of time and money to stay. If a venue is less than 2 hours away I'd drive home rather than stay. Your weekend plans are totally unrealistic especially with elderly family members and people with children. In the nicest possible way, people don't want to spend a whole weekend celebrating your wedding. To you it's the most important day ever, to them it's a nice party but no one wants to hang out afterwards. (unless they've been able to stay at home and perhaps meet for breakfast or a quick drink the next day).

It does sound like your budget and expectations don't really match. You need to prioritise what you really want and take it from there.

I get the vibe that you’re looking for. I wanted the same so we paid for everyone’s food, drink and accommodation for the weekend. I cut a lot of other corners but We spent on what was important to us. It cost more than £3k though.

I’d like to clarify that for both of the options - restaurant away and cottage nearby (plus catering at each) are within our budget. I’m not sure why some of the PPs think I’m not matching my budget and expectations- budget isn’t the question here, it’s which option to choose. Unless you are referring to my old first post?

We don’t have any elderly relatives attending, as in no grandparents. We will ask for our toddler to stay with our parents overnight and the following morning then.

Lunch the day after the wedding would have been ideal. If everyone goes home from the cottage wedding, no one will want to come back out for lunch 😕 Would none of you want to hang out with your friends after the wedding?

I know that a lot of people have things to do with their time every weekend, but with a year’s notice, surely supermarket shops and house chores can be done another day while they spend one weekend with us? I keep coming back to the same question in my head- how do people manage to get guests to spend a week abroad for their destination wedding? Of course, some guests drop out, but not enough for couples to cancel their plans. Really clutching at straws here, but clutching nonetheless.

Bodear, and did your guests all stay the whole weekend? I don’t think the cost of accommodation would be an issue with the further away restaurant option- loads of b&bs nearby at £35-40pppn.

It’s a scenic part of the country, some are keen walkers, others could enjoy the sights of nearby little towns, waterfalls etc. with us. It wouldn’t have to be the day after the wedding that we all hang out, we could enjoy some drinks the day before, that way those who need to head home the day after go ahead.

Brideof2020, late lunch sounds nice. What if no one joins us?🙈

surely supermarket shops and house chores can be done another day while they spend one weekend with us?

You are being quite selfish here. Obviously you care about your wedding a lot but other people don't. A whole weekend is a lot of time to give to someone else's wedding when you have worked all week. As enjoyable and relaxing as it is for you, it won't be the same for guests. I would not stay at a wedding like the later cottage one you described, I'd go home! Why not have the cottage wedding then meet up in your local town the next day?

how do people manage to get guests to spend a week abroad for their destination wedding?

Most people don't get more than about 10 guests at a destination wedding. Usually these are family and will have a holiday alongside the wedding. What you are proposing is neither a holiday or 'just a wedding day'.

People won't travel back for lunch. If you went local they'd probably pop in for a drink the next day, plenty of people did for our wedding.