Booking accommodation for guests

[StrongInside]

Hi,

I am planning on having our wedding somewhere that is a 2-3 hour drive away from where we and our guests live. Nicer views, potentially cheaper venue etc. I would like to make a weekend of it, seeing how much planning goes into a wedding and how much it costs. Some only hire out their place for two days/nights minimum anyway.

One of my preferred venues is on a lovely estate with accommodation on site. They take the payment for two-night accommodation and venue hire together, but I want to ask my guests to contribute towards or pay in full for their stay (£80 a night for a large room plus access to a hot tub, pool on the grounds, games room etc., so not like a hotel room).

My question is, however stupid it sounds, how do I organise their payment and not miss out on the venue? The cost is too much for us to pay ourselves in the hope that all of our guests will attend the wedding and will be happy to pay. Many employers don’t let you book holidays until January so we don’t know who can make it.

I would prefer to leave it up to the guests to book their stay to fit their budget, but I haven’t yet found a venue without packaged accommodation that is affordable for us and ticks all the other boxes.

Shiningstar2, all good points, thanks, I never thought it would be this hard to find an affordable venue in Scotland. Honestly, I thought the planning process would be fun and not 100% stressful.

Op although you wouldn’t be expecting people to buy a fancy new outfit I think most people would. Even if not a new outfit I would have my hair and nails done that I wouldn’t necessarily have done. I don’t accept any wedding invites that involve me taking any annual leave as I need every day to cover dc school holidays. If it’s only family and close friends as you say then surely someone else in the family can moot the question in your behalf

Glad you've changed your mind, OP.

Have you told us why it is that you are looking for venues 2 - 3 hours from where both you, and the majority of your guests live, rather than nearer home ?

I realise guests have to travel to wedding when the couple don't live near them, but I'm struggling to understand why you would leave where you are, if that is where most of you live ?

I think you need to look for a venue close to home.

Unfortunately, as a lot of PPs have said your guests probably won't want to invest a whole weekend of their time in your wedding as much as you are wanting to plan a 2-3 day celebration.

Can you not find a local hotel, golf club, or something similar that you think is a good venue. Meet with them discuss your the wedding you want, if you don't want a wedding breakfast I'm sure they will be happy to arrange an alternative. Het a quote from them, see if there is anything you can do yourself. Ask for a discount- say it's a bit out your budget, but you love their venue !

You will probably be able to decorate the venue in your ideal colours / theme. There is probably a company who can do this for you.

I'm sure your guests wont be expecting overnight accommodation, don't overthink this. Find cheaper alternatives balloon displays instead of flowers for example. It will still look great.

I have read your other posts and I think if you can possibly try to change your own perception of planning your wedding (I know it will be very difficult as it is not what you have imagined) then with some constructive meetings with a much more local venue I'm sure you will have an amazing day. Good luck.

Giggly, it’s no longer an option I am considering.

BackforGood, yes, it is because I haven’t found any venues nearby that don’t cost an arm and a leg, that don’t have minimum numbers much larger than our guest list, that don’t have minimum spend over our budget and that don’t look old fashioned (well, in my opinion anyway- tartan or green carpets, floral sofas, grand staircases etc.). Even if I could close my eyes and ignore the traditional decor, the costs are still an issue. So I’ve been looking at venues of all kinds within a 2-3 hours drive radius. I mean, people travel to destination weddings all the time, which would have been my preferred option- bright blue sky, palm trees, guaranteed warm weather etc. But logistically it is much easier to organise our wedding in Scotland for some of our closest to be able to attend.

Brideof2020, oh, I have only looked elsewhere after scouring the local area. Lots of hotels, castles, estates nearby- all really overpriced, located in the town which I don’t want (I would like a countryside setting instead of traffic in the background), or minimum spend etc. etc.

We all deserve our dream wedding, even if we compromise on some things to make it happen. I am planning on DIYing a lot and cutting out a DJ, wedding breakfast, fancy favours etc. The only thing I would like is to have a venue that makes me happy. I just can’t see myself getting married (and can’t afford to!) at the local venues.

Anyway, think that’s me going back to the drawing board, thanks everyone for sharing your opinions.

Have you looked at youth hostels? We went to a lovely wedding where we stayed at a Loch Lomond youth hostel in lovely surroundings might have been this one www.hostellingscotland.org.uk/hostels/rowardennan-lodge/. Unhelpfully I can't remember if the actual ceremony was there, but if you ask they may be able to help.

Where are you in scotland as we might be able to help with ideas if you say.

Will it be in summer? Could you hire a venue that has grounds suitable for camping? People that want to camp on site can do so for free, those that don't want to can source their own accommodation elsewhere? & you could make the whole thing festival-themed!

Ah OP, gosh I didn't realise there was nowhere you liked. Ok so how about postponing for 12 months maybe with a slightly larger budget you could make that dream reality. Perhaps if you want guests to travel still you could hire a coach for the day? Might be cheaper than paying for accommodation for them all?

I'm not sure cutting out the entertainment and the wedding breakfast for the sake of an idyllic country setting is wise. You'll all be sat around hungry and bored after a couple of hours.

You seem quite hung up on the games room etc, ime people just don't play on stuff even when it's provided. In your head it seems fun but doesn't ever turn out like that.

A self catered breakfast isn't good either. For those travelling just give them a selection of b&bs and hotels nearby and they can choose

What are you going to do for music? And food? You will be feeding your guests, right?
And why a games room? People don't go to a wedding to sit and play games.

I get that you seem to want to make it a weekend thing. But it's not a weekend away for your guests. They really just want to see you get married, get fed, have a party and then go home. If they need to stay the night then they will buy they will not be spending hundreds of pounds to do it.

How were you planning to feed your guests if not doing a wedding breakfast? I also think you should provide food the first night rather than ask guests to chip in for pizza.

Agree with the pp. I would have zero interest in a games room.

Have the wedding you can afford and look after your guests well.

You have to feed people somehow! What would you rather do than a wedding breakfast. Will it definitely work out cheaper?

By the sounds of it, in the nicest possible way, you will either have to postpone the wedding or reevaluate what you want. There is obviously a reason absolutely nowhere does what you want for your budget. You are expecting too much for your money.

Concentrate on your guest having a good time and not having to pay to be party to your wedding. I personally wouldn't mind paying to attend a close friend or families party, within reason. I would however expect to be fed.

I wouldn't share a room with strangers (or some people I know or am related to for that matter).

A wedding should be what you want, yes definitely, but you can't then get offended if you have a lot of people declining your invite when it's just a lot of hassle and expense for them to attend.

All people really want is too see their loved one get married, have a good dance, chat, food and drink.

Good luck I hope you find what you want and have a great day.

It sounds like you've come to the sensible conclusion on this one. Have you thought about starting another thread asking for ideas for venues? Just specify location, budget and must haves and see what mn can come up with?

I'm not sure cutting out the entertainment and the wedding breakfast for the sake of an idyllic country setting is wise.

This ^ x 100%

Thanks for the suggestions but as of yesterday, I am no longer looking to hire accommodation with my venue. PPs had very good points as to why that would be a bad idea. I had other threads going looking for venues, so if anyone knows of nice and hopefully modern or neutrally decorated countryside restaurants, it would be lovely to look into them.

It’s not about saving more- no matter how much we save up, we will never want to spend thousands upon thousands on what is essentially a party. It seems irresponsible for us to do that with a mortgage, other bills and a baby. And everyone doubles or triples the prices when the wedding word is mentioned, for no reason.

I feel that the comments telling me that guests need to eat at a wedding come across as ever so slightly patronising, even though I am sure they weren’t intended to be. I am not stupid, I know people need to eat and I will feed them food, just not a formal three course sit down meal. There are loads of people, perhaps not on MN, who choose bbq or family style or buffet. To me and my partner, a formal three course wedding breakfast with the obligatory speeches is boring, having been to a few weddings over the years. That doesn’t mean guests will be left hungry.

We will have a ceremony after lunchtime hopefully and I plan on canapes or a grazing table and a buffet afterwards, and I don’t mean bacon rolls. Still cheaper than the sit down meal and no need for speeches and the formal feel.

Music will be our phone playlist played via a speaker system that a lot of places have. We’ll be asking guests for their favourite songs as part of the invites.

Games are a personal choice, knowing our guests. I didn’t mean board games. And now we probably won’t have them anyway if we go for a restaurant setting.

Anyway, I know this thread will grow arms and legs if I continue laying out my plans and I will be criticised for my ideas (not necessarily by any of you PPs). So thanks everyone for your comments, I will move on to looking for a different type of venue👍

I'm only going to say one thing about the food. If you're not having any sort of sit down meal where people are served set portions then you need to make sure the buffet is manned and controlled. If you don't, then people will go "if this is all we're getting then I'd better fill up". The people at the front of the buffet pile their plates high and the people at the end don't get fed.
It seems to happen at every wedding with a buffet, even though those people are normally civilised!

I agree, Lulu. And please, don't fall for this 'well everyone is having destination weddings so it's not a big deal to expect guests to take time off work and travel' because you put the venue above all else. A LOT of people decline these or are very resentful of them it's really not a nice thing to do.

Lulualla, would have never thought of that, thanks!

Timshelthechoice, do you mean a lot of people decline destination weddings? I know of plenty that have happened abroad with 60-100 guests, surely 25-30 people will be ok with a couple of hours scenic drive locally??

And yes, of course the venue has to be something that appeals to me and my partner. What’s not a nice thing to do- pick somewhere we like and can afford? I don’t know a single couple who asked us first what type of food we wanted or if we were prepared to travel to their wedding or if we liked it their choice of venue.
These are our immediate family and close friends, with only a few more distant friends who might possibly decline, and I would understand.

Just because some of our guests might like their local pub, or bingo club, or a posh five star resort doesn’t mean we need to host our wedding there to please them or to serve what we find a boring style of a meal.

Absolutely, StrongInside - your wedding, your choice of what to do.

But you started this thread asking how you can organise getting people to pay for what you want them to attend. So people are responding to that.

Obviously getting married is a huge thing in your lives. Of course you should do what you will enjoy. It will probably be a big event for both of your sets of parents and maybe siblings. It isn't such a big event in other people's lives however, and the more commitment you start asking of people - in terms of time, in terms of money, in terms of travel, in terms of taking time off work, in terms of fitting in to what you think will be a fun weekend, the smaller and smaller number of people are going to really enjoying it, and the number that will start to put on fixed smiles and moan about it elsewhere, or even those that resent it starts to increase.

Completely up to you what you do, but if you ask on an internet forum, that is when you will get answers about what people really think and some of them might not necessarily be the answers you were hoping for.

BackforGood, I just resent the PP’s comment that a lot of people would decline and it’s not a nice thing to do. People travel for other people’s weddings all the time, destination weddings happen every day with guests paying for their own accommodation, so why can’t we have the same.

Hi StrongInside

Look you are going round in circles with this. You really want a beautiful wedding abroad. Why not just do that? You already have a child and home so having all the family here is unnecessary. They just want a nice party.Which you can do when you get home.

I’ve checked and there are a hundreds of beautiful AirBNB places that sleep say 10 with enough beds bathrooms and a pool to keep people happy, for a grand or so .Just book one of those pay for the flights which for 10 people are another grand and you have a grand for the ceremony in the town hall, a bit of food and a dress.Its Italy - even out of season chances are it’ll be warmer and drier than Scotland.
No worrying about cleaning up before midnight in a village hall, no boring hotel and a honeymoon thrown in.
Or just go off the three of you, marry somewhere amazing and throw a party when you are back.