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Original poster

Feeling confused and sad

88 replies

Missanna1989 · 19/07/2018 01:19

I was invited to an old friend's wedding and at first I was excited to go. We don't see each other vwry often and as you get older you move on with your lives and work and seeing each othwr becomes more difficult and she moved away but we always remained friends.
She text me to tell me her boyfriend had popped the question and she was getting married I was happy for her and like I said was excited to attend the wedding.
However we are now nesrly 2 months away from the wedding and I haven't seen her in over a year face to face.
We barely text or talk anymore unless I text first.
And then her wedding is very expensive
Travel costs for petrol will be 50 to 60 pound plus hour plus travel time for me and my partner
The hotel room for one night and a small contentail breakfast is 70 deposit.....
My partner will need a new suit that will cost a fair amount but at least 150 min
And i also dont own anything posh as such so that's another 80 plus for me to buy a dress so we dont look out of place.
Drinks are not included so for me and my partner for the whole day as we are due to arrive at 11am to check in and I assume pay for the other part of the hotel room bill will also have to fork our for drinks at a bar which won't be cheap.
Racking up to well over 300 pounds for her wedding day. Which we csnnot afford. So when she asked if we were coming I explained how expenisve it all was and unfortunately on our budget and with the hoise and bills and other responsibilities we unfortunately wouldn't be able to afford to come
Not to mention. We also have to buy a gift as well....
I said I would send a gift in the post and In happy for her and I hope she has a wonderful day.

She hit the roof and told me.my priorities are off becusee I cannot afford to attend her wedding
I again explained that we couldnt afford to spend that amount of money on items that we were gona use for one day like suits and dresses and petrol and stuff when we already in a limited budget and that I understand why shes upset that o cant come but it can't be helped. And i got a little bit cross and said that my priority is to my family and not going into debt to attend a party.

She didnt reply and blocked me on social media and my phone so im assuming we aren't friends anymore

Im.feelinf really down in the dumps about it all. I wanted to go but I literslly csnnot afford it I have bills and kids and a house. Me and my partner are moving house and we trying to save as estate agents cost money etc. Also we have plans to start our own fsmily and have started trying to conceive a baby which again costs alot of money and that 300 plus pounds would go on a new crib etc for the baby rather than one day.

Im.feeling very guilty for saying i csnt go. And it's unfair of her to make me put my life and my family's life on hold so she can have me sat in a seat on her day.
Am I being unreasonable
Becsuee I dont think I am
I didn't want it to go down like this and im feeling sad that I've lost a friend

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 19/07/2018 18:56

Maybe,it is an excuse for her not to want to go, so what! Maybe she does nOT want to use up time and money on somebody she is not close to anymore, that is fair enough. Bride was being very unreasonable, acting in this way.

Snappedandfarted2018 · 19/07/2018 19:00

Are you jealsous op? Your reaction to people’s suggestions and the facts you’re figures don’t match is OTT.

Honeyroar · 19/07/2018 19:13

You're getting defensive, snappy and a bit rude to posters in here who have pointed out holes in your story - if you reacted anything like that with your friend I can see why she fell out with you.

I drive 4 hrs to work, the round trip costs £50. If I was going to a wedding an hour away and I couldn't afford the hotel I'd drive (which would also cut down what you spent at the bar). There are fantastic sales on at the moment- I got a £130 dress for £20 last week in Debenhams, shoes for £15. I dare say menswear is on sale too, and he could even wear trousers and a shirt/tie if need be.

It's fine to not go to a wedding, but your reasoning doesn't add up - if you said things like you've said on here I can understand why she's upset with you.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/07/2018 19:14

God the responses get more bizarre on here, I am not surprise op has not come back. It is clear op does not want to go, and has made excuses that it will cost too much, when it won't necessarily. We all do that, what is she going to tell bride, "sorry can't make your wedding, as i don't want to go". You make up perfectly reasonable excuses to be polite, one of which is not being able to afford to go. This is probably used to many, when what they really mean, is that they don't want to go.

Bluntness100 · 19/07/2018 19:14

Aeroflot girl, so why not be honest on here, why is she still arguing her pricing is realistic, it really will cost her 60 quid in fuel and her partner needs a 150 quid suit and, bizzarely, she needs a new bra in case she buys a low cut dress? Oh and she has to stay over in the hotel and drink all day. And she's scared she will be charged for the meal.

It's fine to say I don't want to go. No one on here gives a shit. But saying you can't go because of all these things, then arguing that that's what it's going to cost is absolutely batshit.

Redrunbluerun · 19/07/2018 19:16

You don’t need to spend all that, you’re finding reasons not to go.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/07/2018 19:19

She told bride that she could not afford to go, which is perfectly reasonable, really the bride is not a close friend, so I don't think she wanted to spend any time or money going to her wedding, which is fair enough. I am not surprised op disappeared, you lot jumping on her. It is clear she was making excuses, we all do if we don't want to go to something. Did I go postal on people who declined my wedding for all manner of reasons, no, because I am fairly reasonable and not a bridezilla. As long as they gave me 2 weeks notice which was what the hotel required.

AJPTaylor · 19/07/2018 19:20

it sounds you are at different life stages.
she cannot imagine not having 300 quid to spend on her wedding. you cannot imagine having 300 free.

senua · 19/07/2018 19:31

She told bride that she could not afford to go

She told the bride that she was excited to go. Then changed her mind. Then offered a lame excuse which everyone has seen through.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/07/2018 19:33

I guess she should have thought about it, then give her reason, but its done now, she is definitely not going.

Belindabauer · 19/07/2018 20:06

I think you were bu.
It's a friends wedding, not a party.
There are beautiful dresses in charity shops. Lots of money saving tips on here.

woodhill · 19/07/2018 20:49

I thought the advice was perfectly sensible. You did ask OP

mrsm43s · 20/07/2018 09:24

God the responses get more bizarre on here, I am not surprise op has not come back. It is clear op does not want to go, and has made excuses that it will cost too much, when it won't necessarily.

Yes, and if someone I thought of as a good friend who I'd invited to my wedding, who had accepted, and whose meal I had paid for, suddenly backed out for for a bunch of lies (because that's what it is) I'd be cutting them off, forever. Horrible, selfish behaviour by the OP, and I simply can't believe anyone would condone it.

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