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Sisters making me feel bad!

54 replies

TwittleBee · 17/03/2018 19:46

So for background: we will have our own 2 young children at our wedding along with another further 12 under 5 year olds. We (me and H2B) are really kid orientated and so are planning our wedding around them. We are going to have a small intimate ceremony at 10.30am with imidaite family and friends (totally 26) followed by a luxuries afternoon tea at 12.30pm for our wedding breakfast. Later we shall have our remaining family and friends (totalling 80) for drink, food and live music. We want the whole thing finished by 8.30pm so those with kids can stay whole time plus our little ones won't be over tired. Also we both wanna escape and spend the night together without being exhausted from a long day!

But my two of my sisters today were saying over lunch how crap of a plan it is and how no one will enjoy it because they won't be able to get drunk enough by 8.30. They also said we shouldn't be focused on the kids and should be enjoying it ourselves. They just made me feel like crap. I already know my other sister with young kids too feels the same as them but has some respect for what we want. They said no one will bother coming as they won't be there for long enough (fyi "evening guests" will be arriving at 3pm so they will be there for 5.5 hours!).

Idk what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe some reassurance what we have decided is okay? Or perhaps I need to be told be complete strangers our idea is stupid.

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SinglePringle · 18/03/2018 12:00

Well, I don’t eat bread and don’t have a sweet tooth so they’re the main reasons I don’t like afternoon tea. Not a fan of pastries either. And wouldn’t know how much to eat; ‘is this the main meal or is dinner being served later?’

Also think they are a strange combination with wine / any alcohol (and I’m assuming you’re serving some sort of booze in celebration).

It’s a weird ‘non meal’ for me. Is it lunch? No. Is it dinner? No.

But as I said, I appreciate I’m in a minority and most people do eat cakes / sandwiches (I honestly couldn’t tell you the last time I ate one! Definitely over 2 years ago!) and I wouldn’t ever comment if I were a guest.

TwittleBee · 18/03/2018 12:23

It would certainly be lunch, most people do have sandwiches etc for lunches. It will all be explained on invites too about the Buffett later.

Luckily as it's a small group of intimate family and friends I can explain to them that there will be a lot of food and just to eat what they want.

If any of them didn't eat bread etc due to either veganism/ medical condition (none of them have this requirement) then the venue in sure could cater appropriately. I have seen that they already said they can cater to all dietary requirements.

I appreciate your saying you wouldn't comment though as you know it's only 1 day and it's not your say etc.

Thank you for replying btw, just intrigued!

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HJ40 · 18/03/2018 12:53

Another sandwich hater here... overall you plans sounds lovely and totally up to you on how you want to do the day. Things I would consider are how far will people have to travel/how early will they be up to get ready? You want to have a good amount of carbs to see people through from 12.30 to 6pm. 5 of each depends on how big they are... also what if someone (this would be me, I'm afraid) didn't like two or three of the items, will they be able to have more of what they do like? I wouldn't expect to be specifically catered for, but it would be nice to have choice if that's possible. And as you've said, let them know the format of the day in advance so they don't think the tea is starters or anything like that!

bigchris · 18/03/2018 12:58

10.30am is very early, does that mean people will have to pay to stay 2 nights instead of just one?

Joinourclub · 18/03/2018 13:20

Afternoon tea sounds a lovely idea, especially is presented all prettily on tiered cake stands. Will the evening buffet be hot dishes?

GreenTulips · 18/03/2018 13:51

You want to have a good amount of carbs to see people through from 12.30 to 6pm

Seriously? Why are people so obsessed with food and as I'm assuming the bride and groom are paying - why cant you rock up and be pleased for them and celebrate with them without demanding you get fed certain things at certain times?

I think you end it around the time you stated and it's up to the guests to carry on of you want to get the children home to bed - your day your choice -

It's only in recent history that married couples have felt the need to do all day weddings rather than the ceremony and a few sandwiches after, I much prefer your way - less waste and over indulgence.

Good luck

Stiddleficks · 18/03/2018 13:56

I hunk your wedding sounds brilliant, I’m an afternoon tea lover anyway and it’s great that so many kids can be a part of it. I’d much prefer to take my dc to your wedding than a more formal sit down dinner.

MaggieFS · 18/03/2018 14:33

@GreenTulips because if her sisters are hell bent of getting pissed then carbs are probably a good idea! Never pretty when people drink at weddings on tummies.

MaggieFS · 18/03/2018 14:34

Clicked post too soon!

Wouldn't you expect there to be something to eat in that time period?

TwittleBee · 18/03/2018 16:33

Why do people need to stay night before after bigchris ? I've never stayed a night before at a wedding let alone 2? Tops 50 minutes travel for the furthest guests.

HJ40 and MaggieFS bread and pastry is carbs? Also they will be having canapes when "evening guests" arrive and a hot buffet later.

Also just wondering why are people worried about food choices at the afternoon buffet? It's not like at a 3 course meal you get a choice. It's only ever been "meat or veggie" options for weddings I've been to? So surely afternoon tea is more choice? Also afternoon teas I've had I've never been able to finish my fair share and neither have the people I've gone with, so I'm pretty sure it will fill everyone up enough. Plus my family (who all know each other very well) will be more than capable of swapping items with each other if one person doesn't like a particular choice? It's not like they're a bunch of strangers or animals incapable of sharing

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WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 18/03/2018 16:43

I think it sounds like a lovely day. It's more personal than the "usual" wedding and actually fits in with your own family. Ignore your sisters. I don't drink and find wedding drunkenness is often quite embarrassing - people can really go OTT. I'd much rather go to one like this. You haven't made any unreasonable demands of your guests and they are free to decline the invitation if they really can't bear not to spend the evening getting drunk Hmm

Enjoy your wedding day, and best wishes for your future together Flowers

HJ40 · 18/03/2018 16:59

You asked for opinions, I gave mine. It wouldn't be my choice, but the day as a whole sounds absolutely lovely, as I said before, and I then went on to mention the things I would factor in if I was going to plan such a day.

BackforGood · 18/03/2018 17:33

But my two of my sisters today were saying over lunch how crap of a plan it is and how no one will enjoy it because they won't be able to get drunk enough by 8.30

Perhaps you should share with them that most people don't go to a wedding to 'get drunk' ? Or that the overwhelming majority of adults can enjoy themselves without being drunk ? Hmm

TwittleBee · 18/03/2018 18:50

HJ40 yeah I appreciate that was just replying to see if I could get more of an elaboration onto my sister's own thinking is all!

Thank you everyone! I shall be talking to them this evening about it all xx

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GreenTulips · 18/03/2018 19:23

Wouldn't you expect there to be something to eat in that time period?

Leisurely lunch at 12:30 which will be filling ending more than an hour later - I think I can manage 6 hours without food! So can many adults

Most of my friends have a 1pm lunch then tea at 6/7pm if not later if they wait til the kids are going to bed - really not an issue

TwittleBee · 18/03/2018 21:38

Well conversation with sisters and mum didn't go well. They said we are being selfish. Honestly at this point thinking about just running off with the kids to get married abroad. Imagine the honeymoon we could have by not spending the £14k (plus the extra my bloody family expect us to spend) on the wedding!

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RavenWings · 18/03/2018 21:45

It's your wedding day, you are allowed to be selfish (within reason of course).

When it's their wedding, then they get to make decisions on it.

GreenTulips · 18/03/2018 21:47

Honestly at this point thinking about just running off with the kids to get married abroad

Do it!!

bloody hell £14k you say

HJ40 · 18/03/2018 21:48

How the devil is it selfish? It's your wedding.

I'm sorry if my earlier comments didn't come across well, as I said it wouldn't be my choice, but I certainly wouldn't think it selfish and certainly would always still feel happy to be invited to someone's big day. If they want a big piss up just point them at the nearest night club!

bananasandwicheseveryday · 18/03/2018 22:02

I think your wedding sounds wonderful. You've thought about your guests and included children. When mine were younger, I would have been so pleased to be able to attend your wedding with my dcs, rather than having to decline because we had no one who could babysit for us.
I don't understand the obsession with getting drunk. I find it quite sad that some people seem incapable of enjoying themselves without an excess of alcohol.
I'm sorry your mum and sisters have s7ch a negative attitude to your plans. If either of my dcs decided to have a wedding like yours, I know that my family would support their choice without question. And we'd all enjoy the day.

TwittleBee · 18/03/2018 22:17

HJ40 Not at all. I think my reply to you might have had misunderstanding because tone can never be read.

RavenWings yeah totally get within reason. Not like we are making them dress a certain way or forcing them to do stuff against their will.

GreenTulips literally looking up how to get married in Japan now... haha. Oh and Don't! The £14k makes me feel sick.

bananasandwicheseveryday yeah we really want children there because we want our kids to have fun playing with them. I love watching lids messing about together. We want a relaxed family affair! Not a piss up.

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Duckies · 18/03/2018 22:31

I would love to come to your wedding (and would have done even before DC!) But I think you are better off using the money for a few amazing holidays - show them what 'selfish' looks like Smile

DevilsDoorbell · 18/03/2018 22:39

You sisters and mum are the selfish one. If they want to go and get pissed there’s nothing stopping them.

How dare they try and dictate to you about your wedding. It’s your day, not theirs.

Fuck em. Go abroad and have an amazing time with your kids.

MrsBearToBe · 19/03/2018 11:24

Your wedding sounds perfect to me! At the end of the day, it's YOUR wedding, not theirs - I cannot believe that they've said your being selfish!

I'd be very tempted to go abroad if this was how my family felt about my wedding...

TwittleBee · 19/03/2018 16:35

I seem to have gotten through to my mum. She was mainly worried about the early start but I have said we will move this and she has conceded on everything else.

Sisters still want a free bar but Eff Them!

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