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Sisters making me feel bad!

54 replies

TwittleBee · 17/03/2018 19:46

So for background: we will have our own 2 young children at our wedding along with another further 12 under 5 year olds. We (me and H2B) are really kid orientated and so are planning our wedding around them. We are going to have a small intimate ceremony at 10.30am with imidaite family and friends (totally 26) followed by a luxuries afternoon tea at 12.30pm for our wedding breakfast. Later we shall have our remaining family and friends (totalling 80) for drink, food and live music. We want the whole thing finished by 8.30pm so those with kids can stay whole time plus our little ones won't be over tired. Also we both wanna escape and spend the night together without being exhausted from a long day!

But my two of my sisters today were saying over lunch how crap of a plan it is and how no one will enjoy it because they won't be able to get drunk enough by 8.30. They also said we shouldn't be focused on the kids and should be enjoying it ourselves. They just made me feel like crap. I already know my other sister with young kids too feels the same as them but has some respect for what we want. They said no one will bother coming as they won't be there for long enough (fyi "evening guests" will be arriving at 3pm so they will be there for 5.5 hours!).

Idk what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe some reassurance what we have decided is okay? Or perhaps I need to be told be complete strangers our idea is stupid.

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Ilovewheelychairs · 17/03/2018 19:53

Not exactly the same, but we got married abroad so had a wedding ‘party’ on our return. Had a blessing at 1pm, food and music etc. Finished at 6. Wine on tables but otherwise people brought what they wanted to drink. Loads of people complained beforehand (including my father!) but afterwards EVERYBODY said it was brilliant as they got their children home in time for bed, or had enough time to make the journey home without getting home at 3am, or had a good time without a hangover. Stick with what YOU want. I think it sounds fabulous!!

grafittiartist · 17/03/2018 19:54

What does drunk enough mean?! How silly. I think it's s lovely plan. You have thought carefully about all your guests and timed things appropriately. Sounds great to me!

RavenWings · 17/03/2018 19:55

Not their wedding, not their place to say. If they are that bothered they can always not come.

Tbh for me that's an unusual sounding wedding set up as I'm used to traditional Irish style with a band and dj. As long as you lay out the plan on invites etc and people know about it I really don't see the problem, though.

I wouldn't take their views to heart - opinions are like assholes, everybody has one.

MadeinBelfast · 17/03/2018 19:56

I would love that! Having to deal with exhausted children from about 7pm or needing to leave to get them to bed means many people probably wouldn't be really enjoying themselves after about 8pm anyway! Have your sisters got children?

Knittedfairies · 17/03/2018 19:57

As a complete stranger I can tell you that I think your plan sounds lovely! Just because you want to finish by 8.30 it doesn’t mean all your guests have to go straight home anyway; they can always move onto a bar if they're ‘not drunk enough’. Sheesh.

dramalamma · 17/03/2018 19:58

I went to one that was plamned like this - finished by 8 - gorgeous day, v kid friendly and relaxed.... eventually finished around 4am cos a good number of people didn’t want the day to end.
My suggestion would be to have a plan for afterwards in case you or others want to carry on - doesn’t have to be elaborate - ours involved a pile of blankets and some lights - could just be having scoped out a bar beforehand so you have the plan if you need it.
Your day sounds wonderful but I know I didn’t want my wedding day to end!

MrsMozart · 17/03/2018 20:00

Sounds like a lovely plan to me.

Your wedding. Your day.

Abra1de · 17/03/2018 20:01

WHy do they have to get drunk!? How silly.

ruleshelpcontrolthefun · 17/03/2018 20:03

they won't be able to get drunk enough by 8.30

Are your sisters 15? Your say sounds perfect to me.

ruleshelpcontrolthefun · 17/03/2018 20:03

Day*

TwittleBee · 17/03/2018 20:03

Thank you everyone. The 2 sister's today so not have children but I was shocked that the one who is my maid of honour was so vocal about it! Really made me feel stupid.

My other sister had young kids and she thinks it's silly ending early. But she also is okay with having adult only dinners and parties round their house (not judging them btw, can totally understand their want for that!!)

I think I just need to make it clear to them that it's a day wedding because we want a chilled family day not a piss up. And that it's our wedding xx

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TwittleBee · 17/03/2018 20:05

I think maybe because my other sister got married last year and her wedding was very much about dancing and getting pissed late into the night. Everyone had an amazing time and the atmosphere was brilliant. I even enjoyed it and I was 7 months pregnant which does prove i think that you dont have to be drunk to enjoy a wedding!

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bakingdemon · 17/03/2018 20:11

Yours sounds like a lovely plan. I hate how some people make weddings all about getting drunk. Maybe suggest to your sisters that they can organise an after party somewhere else for people who want to carry on drinking, but that you've made your plans the way you want them.

TwittleBee · 17/03/2018 20:14

Yeah I think an after party is a good idea for them. I'm worried what the Hen is gonna be now... I did ask them to ensure it can include our 12 year old sister...

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TwittleBee · 17/03/2018 20:15

(Btw I know I keep talking about a lot of sister's just to make it clear I have 7 in total? Family split when I was 4 and mum and dad went on to have more)

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GreenTulips · 17/03/2018 20:18

Your day sounds wonderful and I totally get why you want to do this!
Relaxing afternoon tea sounds wonderful! Ignore

Enjoy

PragmaticWench · 17/03/2018 20:20

I love getting drunk and dancing late into the night, however your wedding plan sounds brilliant!! Especially lovely as you've thought about the children and their parents. I'd be so pleased to go to a wedding like this.

Who wants to be hammered around children anyway? Those without children can carry on after if they wish, or any other day of the year...

TwittleBee · 17/03/2018 20:30

Btw do you all think afternoon tea is okay? Forgot to include they were horrified we were considering doing that. They said it was cheap and tacky?

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StarsShine · 17/03/2018 20:47

It's your wedding day, don't worry about what anyone says about it. If they want to carry on drinking like pp they can go to an establishment that sells alcohol.

Helpmeplan · 17/03/2018 21:02

I'm with the 'do what you want its your day' brigade.

Our ceremony isn't until 3pm, but there will be a maximum of 12 people there and we are literally having dinner out and cake and bubbly at home after.

I don't care if people don't like my plans, and if I were you I wouldn't either. Do what makes YOU happy.

SinglePringle · 17/03/2018 21:16

Well, since you ask...

I hate afternoon tea. I don’t eat sandwiches and am not a fan of cake. I don’t want to eat cake before an evening meal. Also, some people eat too many sandwiches / cake and some don’t get a look in (when it’s en masse).

That said, it’s your wedding and I appreciate I’m in the minority. If I were invited to such an event, I would accept with grace, enjoy the atmosphere and have a stash of cheese / oat cakes in my bag. I would NEVER mention my preferences to the B&G.

pompomcat · 17/03/2018 21:20

@TwittleBee, I am young(ish) and don't have DC. I think it's worth letting your guests know timings/what to expect, but it sounds a fab day.
One of our best friends had her wedding celebration with a vintage afternoon tea, it was relaxed, delicious and fun, one of my favourite receptions (some of the rest just tend to merge into one!) and adults and kids loved it. Don't let your sister put you off if that is what you would like Smile

Lindy2 · 17/03/2018 21:31

That sounds absolutely lovely to me.
As long as your guests know your plans and timings in advance then I think it works really well. What you don't want is people arriving at 3pm thinking they are going to see the ceremony or people thinking they will be there until midnight when it finishes earlier. If everyone knows what to expect everything will be fine.
Anyone who wants to stay up partying can always carry on elsewhere can't they. I'd be like you though, heading home at 8.30pm after having had a great day.

TwittleBee · 17/03/2018 23:58

Thank you SinglePringle if it's okay can I dig a bit further? would you be happier with an afternoon tea if I said it was made up of 5 sandwiches, 5 savoury pastries and 5 different types of dessert (only cake is a brownie)? Also having canapes when "evening guests" arrive followed by a Buffett at around 6? As much as i would love to have an afternoon tea (i love them!) I woild want to make sure it was all inclusive as much as possible.

(Also my family are very fair on sharing when we do things en masse)

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TwittleBee · 18/03/2018 00:00

Thank you everyone for your replies. I'll have a talk tomorrow with my sisters to make it clear it's not appreciated what they're saying but they can organise a night out afterwards if they wish. Half tempted to go abroad to get married with just the 4 of us and say screw them haha.

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