Could you troubleshoot my 'non-standard' wedding and reception

[GangstersLoveToDance]

So, the typical wedding nowadays seems to be marriage at 1pm, 3 course meal, evening buffet.

We want to do something a bit more casual at the reception, so this is our rough idea:

Church wedding, 3.30pm
Guest pics outside church, 4pm-4.30pm

4.30pm - 5.30pm, Guests would then walk to the venue (2 minutes away) and have canapés and drinks on arrival whilst df and I nip off for some pics alone. It's a beautiful setting with a breath taking view (above the beach, Gower Coast) so we thought people would be ok with no 'entertainment' for an hour ish and can mingle just with a bit of background music.

5.30pm - 7.00pm, df and I arrive at venue and mingle a bit. Then speeches (very short and sweet, just a couple of words from df, my dad and best man). Then a bit more mingling lol.

7pm - Evening guests arrive and semi-hot buffet is laid out for all guests, day and extra evening. When I say semi-hot, i'm thinking more than a few sarnies but less than a full hot meal. Considering it will be the only 'real' food served though, I want it to be filling for the day guests.

Then a DJ and typical wedding party until 11.30pm.

A couple of extra details - we would do the room up like your 'typical' wedding - round tables, nice table centres etc. But there would be NO top table and NO table plan. We're thinking of maybe having some sort of welcoming sign coming in, asking them to grab a table or suchlike. Considering there's no sit down meal, it seems silly to do up a table plan and put place settings and so on.

We would have around 70 guests at the church and possibly an extra 30-80 in the evening.

What do you think? Would you enjoy this sort of wedding or feel cheated of a meal? Would you find it 'uncomfortable' not having a table plan as a guest? Etc. Every wedding I've been to has included a full meal and buffet, table planned and so on and we wanted something a bit different but i'd like to see if anyone can forsee problems we've not thought of!

The only problem with canapes is that they aren't filling enough to count as food and they tend to be rich and delicious. I used to work in the sort of industry where canapes and wine were my main evening fare. Anyway, as I know from experience, by 9pm you are a weird mixture of drunk, starving and nauseous.

Well, the venue are calling them "substantial" - we're jut finalising the menu now but it's looking like things along the lines of mini fish and chips, toad in the hole or more tapas type things. So more than a blini but less than a beige buffet iykwim.

Your new plan sounds good to me though. Enjoy planning!

Oh also, we're not having a top table but will reserve a couple of central tables for the bridal party - they'll be normal pub tables though so not a big long one where we face everyone.

The ushers will be briefed to make sure everyone understands there's no table plan, and will sort out any seating issues.

And yes, we have more seats than people. Phew, sorry!

Your second timeline works much better

You don't have to have a top table! We didn't, I've sat on them for other peoples weddings and hated it, you can't really talk properly and everyone else always looks like they're having more fun! We had all cabaret style tables, and ours was in the middle

If you have no table plan, make sure you have more seats than guests to avoid people ending up not being able to sit with family/partners etc

X posts!!

Also meant to say, it's not particularly non standard to do a wedding like this, so I don't think anyone will be shocked or anything

Please have a seating plan. I do understand it sounds so lovely and free but it ISN'T. It's people milling about not knowing people and feeling self conscious. I've never been to a wedding where this has has actually worked. Instead of a top table, have round tables and you and DH sit near the centre of the room with your DCs, some friends, your mum and dad, and DMIL and DFIL host their own tables to either side.

Went to a brill wedding last week where the ceremony was at 230, we had afternoon tea at 430 and a hot meal at730. Avoided that afternoon slump thing and we had some dancing between the two meals and it was convivial and lovely.

QuickQuickSloe - the bank holiday is the weekend before ours. The last Sunday in May is the 25th next year, so we've missed that thankfully!

Do you mind me asking where in Gower you got married? (being nosy)

Second version sounds better but do you really need 40 mins or so for wedding photos? Surely you only need to take 3 or 4 photos - I know it sounds all very exciting but for a couple presumably already living together, with children .......... do you really want a big glossy book of wedding pictures? - How many of us really look at our photos after the big day - I know I don't but then I only had a few snaps taken at my very, very small wedding .

Yeah, I think 40m for photos of just you two is quite long, unless you're planning to go to a different location,

I don't think we're having a photographer. If we do, it'll just be for immediately after the ceremony and the group shots - to mainly keep our Nan's happy!

2nd plan sounding better.

Please rethink the seating plan though. We went to a wedding last year that didn't have one and it was a nightmare - by the time we'd rounded up the dcs we realised that the table where us and our friends had put down our bags was a seat short.

Lots of weddings have non-standard top tables these days. Ours was both our (quite big) families (parents, brothers, sisters, b/sils) on a long rectangular table (sat on both sides) in the middle of the room. FIL thought it was outrageous but we thought it was lovely.

My brother's MIL is a total nightmare so db and sil sat with their closest friends and then had 2 family tables right next to them.

That's good news about the bank holiday!

We got married at the King Arthur, it was fab

I'm guessing that the beach you will be overlooking begins with an R or an O?

Ah lovely, I love the King Arthur! Yep, that would be the R ;)

Gorgeous! Have a wonderful day

Our photographer took us off for about 40 mins for photos and we got really bored and just wanted to get back and have a drink!!

We had similar top table issues, and I think having a table plan is better, so you don't end up with two of the difficult pairings at the same table once space runs out. My step dad was really anxious about the whole thing, but knowing in advance where he would be sitting allowed him to relax.

We had a top table with me and DH, the Dc, bridesmaids and best man. We then split all the family between the other tables, so my dad and his wife and my gran were at a table with some couples I thought they would like, my step dad was at the other side of the room with people I knew he would get on with, and my mum and other step dad at another. That way everyone could relax knowing where they would be, and as there was no family at the top table, no one was offended by being missed out.

Second plan, is much better. Good luck.

You really can't invite people just to the evening do then only give them "coffee and cake." You need to feed them properly, a decent hot food buffet is fine.

Our wedding was at 12.
Photos then to the food venue. Meal at 2.15pm.
We left at 6pm.

Everyone had a great time. Everyone was fed. Free bar.

You can have children on the top table if you want. You can do what you like! I had my page boy sat on the top table with us.

I like your second plan- named seating is nice as you can control troublemakers :)

We didnt have a top table, we sat with our friends, and the inlaws sat with their age relatives on their side, siblings sat with their age cousins etc, and friends with friends. If people haven't seen each other for a while, and only get together at weddings, like our family ( distance) then they want to sit next to each other, not make conversation with strangers.

We had children's tables, unless toddlers, who we sat with parents.

You could make sure its a non alcoholic punch or juices at the first part, only releasing alcohol at the night do.

I don't see how you can invite people to evening only when all it means they miss is the church service - is the bit anyone can turn up to, invited or not. In my experience, people invited to evening have always been invited to the service as well (up to them if they want to go to it then find so ething to do for the afternoon, or just come for eve).

Just a thought about the canapes - ask how many they are catering per person and how they will be served. I always seem to miss out when I'm chatting and I've heard that many places assume this e.g. Cater 1 or 2 per person but some people will help themselves to more than that because of where they are stood.

We did a similar thing. Married at 4, drinks and canapes After, then dinner at 730 (was supposed to be earlier but the caterers got it wrong so we switched things up and brought more wine ou). No one went hungry, everyone drank their allocated bottle of wine (all got absolutely sloshed). Everyone danced like crazy people. All had a lovely time.