Could you troubleshoot my 'non-standard' wedding and reception

[GangstersLoveToDance]

So, the typical wedding nowadays seems to be marriage at 1pm, 3 course meal, evening buffet.

We want to do something a bit more casual at the reception, so this is our rough idea:

Church wedding, 3.30pm
Guest pics outside church, 4pm-4.30pm

4.30pm - 5.30pm, Guests would then walk to the venue (2 minutes away) and have canapés and drinks on arrival whilst df and I nip off for some pics alone. It's a beautiful setting with a breath taking view (above the beach, Gower Coast) so we thought people would be ok with no 'entertainment' for an hour ish and can mingle just with a bit of background music.

5.30pm - 7.00pm, df and I arrive at venue and mingle a bit. Then speeches (very short and sweet, just a couple of words from df, my dad and best man). Then a bit more mingling lol.

7pm - Evening guests arrive and semi-hot buffet is laid out for all guests, day and extra evening. When I say semi-hot, i'm thinking more than a few sarnies but less than a full hot meal. Considering it will be the only 'real' food served though, I want it to be filling for the day guests.

Then a DJ and typical wedding party until 11.30pm.

A couple of extra details - we would do the room up like your 'typical' wedding - round tables, nice table centres etc. But there would be NO top table and NO table plan. We're thinking of maybe having some sort of welcoming sign coming in, asking them to grab a table or suchlike. Considering there's no sit down meal, it seems silly to do up a table plan and put place settings and so on.

We would have around 70 guests at the church and possibly an extra 30-80 in the evening.

What do you think? Would you enjoy this sort of wedding or feel cheated of a meal? Would you find it 'uncomfortable' not having a table plan as a guest? Etc. Every wedding I've been to has included a full meal and buffet, table planned and so on and we wanted something a bit different but i'd like to see if anyone can forsee problems we've not thought of!

Gangster - I too am shocked at the number of grown adults that are claiming that they would starve between 3:30 and 7pm - especially as you have stated that there will be canapes.

However, I do agree with a previous posters suggestion that if you are not having a sit down meal, don't bother with daytime and evening guests - just invite everyone and bring the buffet forward to 6pm - people can get their food and then do the speeches afterwards.

You can always do a second wave buffet for people who don't come until later on - just make it clear on the invites so people don't think if they can't make it to the ceremony that they can't come at all.

Carvery buffets are lovely - two or three big joints of meat, lots of crusty bread and rolls (with bread board and knife close by), plus big bowls of salad, pasta salad, rice etc.

We had a wedding at 3pm. But we fed our guests (proper sit down meal) at 5.30pm. We then did a little buffet later on about 9pm.

I think you're asking your guests to last too long without proper food imo.

There's too much hanging around with not much for the guests to do.

You have three hours where guests are just hanging around with a couple of speeches. That's quite a long time. They will be drinking throughout this. Recipe for trouble. I've been to a couple of weddings in a similar vein and it's been a real problem. I think the bride and groom often forget about this.

You could do a couple of things. One is to move the wedding forward a bit and fit in a first serving of food. Can still be a buffet. There's nothing requiring a sit down meal. The second possibility in my mind is to serve some novelty food (think something like chips, sweets, just something to tide people over) and provide some kind of entertainment while you're off having photos done.

I think it's more the hours of mingling with nothing to break it up than the meal timings!

I meant to add, I think people would find the lack of table plans awkward, for the reasons mentioned above. You could assign people a table but not give them specific seats on it? We tried to have a mix of people on each table - my family, DH's family, and friends, in order to get people to mix a bit more.

I don't think food at a wedding though is just about being fed - it breaks up the boredom of hanging around for 3 hours and provides a handy topic of conversation.

You're right, at home i could happily go that long without food. But then I'm not standing up and mingling with strangers for that long either.

And at home I'm not just drinking alcohol either!

Actually yeah, the other thing you could do is avoid having two tiers of guests. There's nothing in your earlier part of the day the second tier couldn't come to, is there? That way you could serve the buffet earlier and just stick with canapés (though substantial amounts, considering the alcohol) earlier.

GirlWithTheDirtyShirt - I really like the idea of having a hot buffet for the day guests and canapes for the evening...I'd not even considered doing it that way around!

Just to address a couple of questions - it's not for penny-pinching reasons that we're trying to ditch a three course meal. We have a few, lets say, 'delicate' family situations atm. Such as df only just meeting his dad after 30 years, but they are getting along famously. DMIL is feeling very self conscious at the thought he may be at a top table with us (numerous previous issues which she has with him). Yet df would feel awful leaving either one of them off.
I have one sister who is bridesmaid and another who is (nicely) refusing because she doesn't feel comfortable and hates much attention. We have 2 dc and no one competent really except my mum to help out on the day. Yet everyone is saying 'you can't have dc at a top table'. Which all leads to a bit of a definite probable problem with seating hierarchy/awkwardness etc.

To have a sit down meal however, kind of needs a plan and top table, which is why we're thinking of alternatives. We're trying to minimise the chance of any issues and jealousy on the day.

Anyway, I am taking things on board...what about this:

Church wedding, group pics, walk to venue (2 mins) 3.30pm-4.30pm

4.30pm - 5.30pm, Guests arrive at the venue and have drinks on arrival whilst df and I have pics. Df and I arrive back by around 5.10pm (so have had 40 minutes of private time) and have 20 minutes or so mingling time and greeting guests.

5.30pm - Hot buffet laid out for 'day guests' (still no seating plan!)

6.30pm - Speeches (again, short and sweet, can only see it taking 15 minutes total)

7pm - Evening guests arrive

8pm - Canapes (GirlWithTheDirtyShirt - what is your idea of 'substantial canapés?'...being curious). I would put something on evening-only invites such as 'please join us for evening drinks and canapes' so that evening guests know not to expect a full-on buffet.

DJ and typical wedding party until 11.30pm.

Also, finally to add - the reason the evening-only guests would be between 30-80 extra is because the venue/church is quite a distance (30 mins drive) from town centre - so we'll invite quite a few, but have no idea how many people will bother for just an evening reception. Our church is tiny and can only fit in max 70 people, so inviting any more for the whole day is not an option.

Thoughts? And sorry it's so long.

I have been to a wedding like this, and yes I was bloody starving at 5pm. Due to travelling to the venue and getting ready, then travelling to the church etc we had to eat early.

We were served canapes but considering how much time there was to kill before proper food there were a lot of very drunk people as there was nothing to help soak up the alcohol.

It wasn't even a cheap wedding, £25k 8 years ago and held in a Michelin star restaurant, so even the evening meal wasn't a decent portion of food.

A few vol-au-vents at 5pm does not a meal make. And if you have children coming they will definitely be starving.

To answer another couple of questions - the wedding is 31/5/14. It's a hotel, but a very small one, set just above the beach.

The Church is two minutes up the road (think country lanes, no traffic to dodge on the way to the venue) so will be an easy walk with a lovely view. The guests would be able to go into the venue, so they wouldn't be stuck outside when we were having pics. If the weather is awful, the pics could be taken in the reception room as it has floor to ceiling windows with a panoramic view of the bay, so still a nice backdrop.

That sounds so much better. Not many people really eat at the evening buffet anyway so just a few nibbles for those that do.

My cousin (different one) just got married.

She had eliminated the top table totally. Had a seating plan, but her and her new husband had sat themselves at a round table, with their FRIENDS.

Now, that is novel, and that would be doing this rather differently...

Latest version sounds better. Timings are tight though, and weddings rarely go to plan - i'd aim to start the speeches at 6.15.

I would do some fun stuff in the evening as well as canapés - a a dessert table or big selection of sweets to do pick and mix, chip van, chocolate fountain - that sort of thing.

I also hate weddings where B&G disappear for ages - it's a celebration eith friends and family, not a vogue shoot.

The second idea sounds much better.

Gangsters, new plan is much better than your original, only 2 comments

1. I see your reason for no seat plan, but I still would rethink it, otherwise it could take a lot of time and shuffling to get everybody fed and sat. Also looking at the table plan and working out where you are sitting helps fill e time whilst you get your pics done.
2. I would have the evening guests coming later only allowing 90 mins to consume a meal, I'm assuming you will have dessert even if no starter and coffee plus toasts is too tight.

Hermione - I've been thinking of that also, a sweet table or chocolate fountain...definitely something i'd like for the evening.

I've forgotten about chucking in some time to cut the cake - but I suppose that could be slotted in anywhere, will only take 5 mins.

Sounds lovely and quite similar to our's

We had similar timings - wedding at 3 (tiny venue, 20 guests) followed by photos then people made their way to the reception for 5 pm (100 guests turning up as and when during the evening).

Not sure about taking a whole hour out for photos, I think it's nice to be there to greet your guests as they arrive. Would it work if you slipped out for maybe half an hour a bit later after everybody's settled in a bit? You will be much more relaxed for the photos once you know your guests are happy and you've had a glass or two.

Also, consider a running buffet from the start of the reception (maybe just cold stuff to start with) if you can afford it. We did this and it worked well. I'm not sure a few canapes would have been adequate for the early evening crowd, especially as some of them couldn't stay that late (young DC and a Monday wedding).

The only other thing I'd say with a late wedding is make sure the wedding party have a decent lunch before you all set off. It's easy to forget to eat with all the preparations going on. Doesn't need to be anything fancy, my mum fed everyone with huge piles of ham and cheese sandwiches.

Have a lovely day!

FeetUp - It may be something we re-think nearer the time. I suppose it depends on family relations between now and May, but there's always a possibility!

I wouldn't really want to invite evening guests later than 7pm, again because of the distance. BUT we could always move everything else forward 30 minutes (so ceremony at 3pm), so there's an extra half an hour buffer for fuck ups potential delays.

Second version sounds much better!
I am envious of your tiny church, sounds beautiful

I think it's quite a long time of just doing not much and not eating. I don't think you can compare it to a normal day when you have lunch at 1 and then evening meal at 7. People will probably have travelled and have children. I'd re-think this.

Didn't see your second timeline. That sounds loads better.

It's almost identical to my wedding. The canapés were substantial and plentiful. The food on the night was a Mexican hot knife and fork buffet (nachos, fajitas, chilli, rice, wedges etc). We had a free bar all afternoon and night and the lack of two lots of good didn't seem to result in anyone being especially shitfaced (well no more than the "usual" wedding anyway )

My biggest regret at our wedding was pissing about for an hour having photos taken.

People had come from all over the world to see us and we now have an album (somewhere) of photos taken as the rest of my family were together for the only day we will ever all be together.

Stay at the party, don't leave! They came to see YOU!

And as your guest I would be shitfaced by seven on an empty stomach.

Just seen food at 5.30pm instead. Much better, I'd be merry but coherent!

I got married in May in Gower! all the best people do

Your second plan sounds much better. The only thing that is possibly of concern is that on the bank holiday weekend those narrow country lanes can get gridlocked and may be something you need to factor in.

If you don't want a seating plan, how about just reserving you and your husbands places on whichever table you want to sit? Have a few more seats than guests so that people are more likely to be able to sit in family/ friendship groups.