Could you troubleshoot my 'non-standard' wedding and reception

[GangstersLoveToDance]

So, the typical wedding nowadays seems to be marriage at 1pm, 3 course meal, evening buffet.

We want to do something a bit more casual at the reception, so this is our rough idea:

Church wedding, 3.30pm
Guest pics outside church, 4pm-4.30pm

4.30pm - 5.30pm, Guests would then walk to the venue (2 minutes away) and have canapés and drinks on arrival whilst df and I nip off for some pics alone. It's a beautiful setting with a breath taking view (above the beach, Gower Coast) so we thought people would be ok with no 'entertainment' for an hour ish and can mingle just with a bit of background music.

5.30pm - 7.00pm, df and I arrive at venue and mingle a bit. Then speeches (very short and sweet, just a couple of words from df, my dad and best man). Then a bit more mingling lol.

7pm - Evening guests arrive and semi-hot buffet is laid out for all guests, day and extra evening. When I say semi-hot, i'm thinking more than a few sarnies but less than a full hot meal. Considering it will be the only 'real' food served though, I want it to be filling for the day guests.

Then a DJ and typical wedding party until 11.30pm.

A couple of extra details - we would do the room up like your 'typical' wedding - round tables, nice table centres etc. But there would be NO top table and NO table plan. We're thinking of maybe having some sort of welcoming sign coming in, asking them to grab a table or suchlike. Considering there's no sit down meal, it seems silly to do up a table plan and put place settings and so on.

We would have around 70 guests at the church and possibly an extra 30-80 in the evening.

What do you think? Would you enjoy this sort of wedding or feel cheated of a meal? Would you find it 'uncomfortable' not having a table plan as a guest? Etc. Every wedding I've been to has included a full meal and buffet, table planned and so on and we wanted something a bit different but i'd like to see if anyone can forsee problems we've not thought of!

I think it's far too long between leaving the Church, and any food appearing on the scene...... even tea and cake would help, and that wouldn't cost much, or, as someone suggested upthread, have the buffet meal considerably earlier and either bacon butties, or even 'cake and coffee' later for those who want.
Obviously I'd be too polite to say anything, but I'd be very p'd off with not getting fed until 7.30/8ish after a 3.30 wedding..... and that's before you consider diabetics, people who are pregnant, and anyone else who struggles with their blood sugar levels.

I'd starve at your wedding!

I think in your position I'd move the wedding later and have less hanging about. 2 hours max between ceremony and eating I reckon, any more and I'd be bored. I would be bored at 2 hours of standing around being polite but I'd think that was acceptable.

Or I'd feed my day guests at 5 ish and do bacon rolls at 10pm ish for evening guests.

I wouldn't have evening guests tbh, partly because of this reason x

I would be finding somewhere to eat while you had your photos done ( but I have been known to disappear for a maccy d's at these sort of weddings...classy I know )

What time of year is it? Would you lose the light for photos if you shifted the early part on by half an hour or so (so wedding at 4pm) and kept the buffet at 7pm?

Also, why have "day" and "evening" guests, rather than "ceremony + reception" and "reception only" guests? (I assume the church is too small to have all your guests at the ceremony, but if you're not doing food between the start of the reception and the evening buffet why not have the evening guests arrive at the venue at the same time or just after the guests who've walked over from the church?)

Why are you having two tiers of guest but feeding them all the same? I thought that having evening only guests was because you couldn't afford to feed them all a sit down meal, but with your plan, you are feeding them pretty much the same. I'm not a fan of evening only invitations as I like to see the couple get married and hear the speeches. It also depends how far your guests are coming.

I think there will be more than half an hour between the time that the bride arrives and the time that everyone is outside the church.

We had the professional photos taken before the wedding ceremony.

If you did that, you could at least be present and put your guests at ease!

Yes that's true Trills, the ceremony is only half an hour but it takes a while for everyone to filter out.

I agree with others really, why are you doing it this way? If you are serving buffet to all then why not just invite everyone for the whole thing? Then you can have the food earlier.

I wouldn't want to sit through any kind of speech tbh if I hadn't eaten for five hours.

For me the key essentials are that the guests be greeted and welcomed at each step of the way - welcomed at the church and shown to seat, welcomed at the venue and offered hospitality (drinks i.e.). Secondly, appoint an MC so that people know the drill. I was at a wedding recently where both these elements were absent and it was not a good experience for guests. Have a great wedding day

One thing that might help, would you be averse to doing the pictures of you/dh/family before the ceremony?

DH and I did this, so after the ceremony it was just a few bridal party shots, some larger group shots, and then we could get on with the party.

This way you don't need to change the ceremony time, can still have drinks/canapés while doing just a few pics and move dinner forward a bit. Then you avoid too much alcohol, and don't suffer if not enough canapés.

Oops, cross posted with Quint

I think that's too long a gap between the ceremony and the food - as previous posters have said, some people will get very drunk, elderly guests might struggle, guests with small children would find it difficult. It seems a very long time for mingling and chit chat, especially if some of your guests won't know anyone there and you'll be disappearing for a while in the middle. I also find the idea of speeches before the dinner a bit odd.

I had a late afternoon wedding (3pm registry office service), with a meal afterwards, no evening do (it was a very small wedding), and our timings were:

• 3: wedding service
• 3.30 - 4ish: photos. Some inside (signing the register), then family group photos outside.
• 4ish: Travel to venue (15-20 minute drive). DH and I arrived before any of the guests (despite my carefully written directions and map sent out with the invites). However this was really nice as we had a moment to relax.
• 4.30ish - 5ish: guests arrived & had a drink (no canapes). We mingled with guests, then had a few photos together in the gardens, then had a few more group photos. The photographer also took some photos as people were mingling, and photos of the tables/ cake.
• 5ish: dinner. This was early, but as they were several small children there, it worked out well. By the time we'd had three courses, had the speeches, then cut the cake, it was around 7.30-8ish (I think). After that we all sat round talking, drinking, catching up. People started leaving at around 9.30-10ish.

Obviously your wedding is different as you're having an evening do as well, but I think an earlier dinner would be better for your guests.

Far too much standing around and mingling - if you want to keep to a budget (and nothing wrong with that) why not forget about the separate 'evening do' and just have a lovely afternoon tea - everyone can come to the wedding, drinks and a bit of chit chat whilst you have your photos taken (do you really need an hour for that ) - champagne and slap up afternoon tea and everyone departs after cutting the cake .

I attended a family wedding very similar to your idea. It was lovely to be informal but I would suggest you consider how to prevent the following scenario.

Everyone got seated and families who wanted to sit together were split up because they got to the table too late (immobile grandparents, last minute toileting young children, that sort of thing).

The cherry on the cake was when the newly weds entered the room last - the only two seats left were on different tables at opposite ends of the room! Obviously every one shuffled around but that meant splitting up husband and wife, and one parent single handedly struggling with their 3 young children.

If you can think if a way to get round this then I'd say go for it!

I think 4.30 -7.00pm is too long to expect people to wait about, and chatter as you don't know what the weather will be like, kids getting bored, people getting bored and wandering off etc, some drunks upsetting each other etc

I liked Betty's idea of having it as " free time" as long as people come back!

Could you move your wedding to 4.00 instead?

I think the good parts of weddings are: the bit where the couple say their vows; catching up with friends; eating nice food and drinking nice wine.

The bad bits are: photos, speeches and discos.

If I was going to have a wedding, I would prioritise the former and lose the latter.

I'm curious as to why so many people think it's a long wait for food or that 'you'd starve'!

Wedding is at 3.30pm - buffet at 7pm. 3.5 hours from the very beginning to being fed.

No different to getting wed at 1pm and having the wedding breakfast at 4.30 - which is a pretty standard wedding timeline!

Could you invite far fewer people but do more with them, make it really special with loads more grub

The 'starving' bit is odd. What time do people normally eat in the evening? You could have lunch at 1pm, y won't be starving by 7pm surely?! It might be hard for children to wait until 7pm I guess, but you could do something for them while the adults are having canapés.

I have just been to a wedding at 1pm with the meal at 5. Guests were famished as no one had had time for lunch, and small children were crying. Didn't realise this was a common set up - everyone was complaining.

Congratulations! What time of year are you getting married? Is the reception venue a hotel?

Also do have somewhere undercover for guests to stand around while you have photos done. It rained at the wedding I'm talking about, and we got damp and cold while the bride and groom we posing in a field nearby.

The best wedding I ever went to had tea, scones and champagne after the ceremony while the bride and groom briefly had photos. At 3.30pm, what I really want is a cup of tea, not 4 hours drinking before I get my dinner.

Would tea and fizz and scones work for you?

On the other hand, a very clued up friend of mine has explained that no one should ever attend any wedding without their own emergency food supplies.