DP always disappointed in me

[basw]

He has the energy and work ethic of a machine. I do not.

We are rennovating a property to move into and he gets to work on it at 10am. I get there at 11am. At 2.30pm i'm starving because i haven't had any breakfast.

I know DP expects me to be there sooner and leave later. So at 2.30 I say i'm going to go get lunch and he says 'already?' Its so passive aggressive to me as i know he means 'but theres so much work to do you should do more work.'

SO i go get lunch and sit in bed and feel like crap while he works away. I dont want to go back because is so miserable when someone constantly judging how much you do and comparing it to them. It's so exhausting and miserable to paint and clean.

Then i go at 4pm and start again but im in a bad mood even if it's not totally obvious to me. I want to do a job thats not too strenuous but DP immediatly asks me to do the dirtiest and most miersable job up a ladder. So i start doing it, and DP gives me advice on how i can do it better and I just burst into tears and tell him how I feel and lose my rag on him.

I just feel the whole job is miserable just because of the way he thinks. If he were just kind and supportive of what i did i would come back with a better energy and enthusiasm after lunch but i feel I have to get to work sooner than i am ready to or i will feel the judgement. Whatever i do feels like is not enough, could be done better and for longer.

How do i fix this from over and over again?

Please dont tell me this is a reverse.

I appreciate you are genuinely unhappy but you sound like a hard work and not vey helpful. You are there late, you take long lunch (and go to bed? Why?), you leave early and you hate decorating, by the sound of it

Is this your place? You dont seem to be interested or particularly invested in the project. Why do you think your husband have to give you special attention on top of working hard? I would find it very frustrating to have a partner who sleeps till 11, disappears for hours, puts little effort into working and cries for no reason. You are not a child, you're an adult - start acting like one.

I never share any house jobs with DH as he can’t manage to stay calm & be helpful. He immediately goes into a mode where I am doing it wrong. Which is never the case. Can’t imagine doing a house reno with him…

Your DP doesn't have "high standards", its you who is prepared to do a half arsed job - even for your own place! because you are lazy.

I feel sorry for your husband tbh.

We don't know the age of the OP. My DH is a Duracell bunny in his 70s. After a lifetime of renovation on different properties I don't even try any more when he's in the house. He's decided he can do everything better than me. Cooking, cleaning, renovating, gardening, shopping. It sucks the joy out of everything.

You have different work styles and don't have to do the same. If he can't work with you leave him to it.

Who is doing the laundry and cleaning while you work on the house anyway? I'm always pointing out the DH when we do DIY that the normal tasks also need doing.

Fucking cool wife doormats on this thread have failed to pick up that her DH is a bully and making her miserable.

If my DH spoke to me like that and ordered me up a ladder he'd be wearing the ladder.

Yeah. We are cool wives. Because we can actually do work like and alongside our male counterparts on joint projects without flaking out. So no one has to "order" anyone or be miserable to anyone. Pretty cool, yes.

He’s not a bully. He’s upset because she’s not keeping her side of the bargain - ie pulling her weight. Is no one ever allowed to be upset or angry with anyone anymore?!

Assuming you agreed to the renovation it's not fair to leave him to do most of the work. I'd agree, that this kind of work isn't much fun and I wouldn't enjoy it either. But if I agreed to do it then I'd do my share.
You clearly aren't doing your share. Frankly you sound really lazy. And your DH's standards aren't that high, yours are just low.
I actually feel sorry for your DH because he is putting in all the hard work and you're getting up late, can't even get yourself breakfast, start a job then get out of it by crying and go back to eat and lie in bed. And somehow it's his fault!!!

Didn’t pick that up at all. Seeing as OP had already skived half the day, was sulking about cleaning top of her own kitchen units, I can easily imagine the approach and ‘effort’ going into that task. Half arsed at best. Doesn’t mean DP a bully. I’d be frustrated and disappointed in OP too. Whole thing is a complete nonsense. OP should wise up. Work as a Team and get it finished together. If I was knocking my pan in someone saying my energy levels are higher and work ethic greater would piss me off no end…especially when they’re being so lazy, coasting and happy to leave the hard graft to others. I’m sure DP would rather have his feet up too. No point in OP feeling proud of how hard he works (!!) not much effort in that, should be putting in a shift herself the point. Then she can be proud of her own accomplishments.

Ah the old 'intelligent'' cool wife, never fails to disappoint that one, aw bless