In a sexless marriage but can’t leave for cultural reasons

[Unhappymarriage]

I am a 40 year old female, married for 16 years and I’m really unhappy. Last time my husband even touched me was in 2018, I know the exact day as we did a pregnancy test when I was pregnant with my son and that was the last time. He has no desire to touch me or be affectionate apart from when we were trying for a baby. I have 2 children with him. Over the years I have tried to talk to him about it and he says things will change but they never do. I met up with a group of mum friends today and conversation went to the coil and contraception as one mum was debating to change to the coil. I feel so sad when I realise women my age and much older have an active sex life whereas my life in that area ended in my early 30’s without me wanting it to! I feel really angry and upset but I have not one person to talk to.

I can’t leave my husband due to cultural reasons. I feel so sad all the time. It’s not just the sex it’s the holding someone abd cuddling I miss. I don’t want to reach to the end of my life and wish I had done things differently.

So my question to you is if you were me what would you do? It’s been 8 years since I have been intimate with him. To be quite honest I feel so hurt by him and rejected that if he was to change right now I wouldn’t want him.

For context there is nothing wrong physically with me I am slim and attractive I know being intimate with someone is not all down to how you look but I feel like the most ugliest person in the world and my self esteem has been rocked but outwardly I am not as hideous as I feel inside.

Tbf, gay is probably more common than asexual or even “very low sex drive”. I personally know someone who never wanted sex apart from making children and he turned out to have sexual interest in children. I don’t think I’d prefer to believe that if I were the OP.

Also, OP says she has sometimes thought he might be gay.

But wouldn't she have noticed him looking at other men? Wouldn't there have been some unexplained absences or other clues that he might have a male lover?

He doesn’t necessarily have a lover. Men can be gay and never allow themselves to explore their sexuality. And if he is (which isn’t 100%) then he might deliberately not look at other men, either because he doesn’t want anyone seeing him doing so, or because he doesn’t want to be confronted with his own feelings.

That's ONE man uninterested in sex but who turned out to have an interest in children. A huge leap from that to assume that men who aren't bothered about sex but who want children are also perverts.

When did I say that? I said it’s much more likely that he is gay, which you seem to have a problem with?

Irish Catholic years ago and in the UK too.
There was a recent documentary about it called 'Forgotten babies'.
Heartwrenching stories to hear.