What is going on with (some) kids?!

[Purpleturtle45]

I have been a primary school teacher for 20 years and I just cannot believe the decline in behaviour and attainment In that time!

Yesterday I witnessed a 6 year old kick, spit at, punch and threaten to kill the DHT and ultimately trash the room and the staff are powerless to stop it as they aren't allowed to touch a child. This is a daily occurrence.

So many children are disrespectful and will argue back to your face now and a lot of the parents are just accepting of this! I honestly fear for the world if this is what the kids are like!

Every teacher I know is looking to leave, they are being driven to breaking point every day! It's all so worrying.

Exactly this

Yes, I do. But I’ve noticed it’s something other people struggle with. Soft play, animal farms, toy shops, baking - all things that were a bit of a treat when I was a kid are now daily occurrences for kids

True. You look at those holiday threads with exhausted parents paying out huge sums every day and it's just nonsense. When you're in the kitchen tidying up, or even on the sofa reading a book, they can be playing with their toys. Boredom makes children resourceful and creative.

“I think though spending time with children has become really intense as leaving them to be bored is frowned upon now."

I think there is pressure to "make memories" and for all interactive time to be edcuational or fun -- but lifes not like that.

Days with me preschool then holidays I used to have something outside house planned in mornings usually - then afternoons I'd have time to get on with choirse and for them to do the many things they could in house. I found that easier for me - to think yes done something with them and for them to get out walk and run some energy off.

There are kids with no down time - seem constantly going from one activity to next and many seem happy with that - but having time to be and to get board i simportant.

Though TBH my kids seemed to find projects rather than get board which may be linked to their ADHD or their Dad's behavior - always one of two things on the go - but in low pressure at home way.

The "making memories" nonsense comes from social media.

Babies and young children need very little materially. They naturally crave and depend on attention from their parents.

I know but I think it's also parental guilty often from mothers who have to work and then put pressure on to make most of time - well seemed to be from some mothers I knew.

I was at home with my DC - a luxury we paid for and still are but they were ND and even before diagonsed knew they'd struggle in childcare - so felt much less of that pressure - but still got messaging from gov at time my kids would be better off in childcare - so felt had to do lots of groups and activties so they wouldn't be behind and missing out.

I do think it suit us all to be out the house though as we didn't drive - as it probably made their ADHD much more managable without realising it.

Not really I've always found the concept of making memories cringe but around here everyone talks like that SAHM and those who work. Most moms work part-time anyway and are not short of downtime with their dc. The issue with making memories is the it is often all for sharing on SM and merely just being and doing for the sake of it and living in the moment are not en vogue.

In general behaviour has changed for the worse in adults and children. Screens, instant gratification, less opportunity to be genuinely present mentally wherever you are (as all absorbed by their phones) and mega entitled attitudes are part of the problem. People rage and complain about such minor things (for example customer service or if a teacher dares to not give a child star of the week) it all comes across as first world problems.

This. The level of entitlement is off the charts!

@10kandnotcounting “Not really I've always found the concept of making memories cringe”

Same. What’s most important is whether children feel safe, loved, seen, and emotionally connected to their parents.

I cannot tell you how much annoyance I get when I see a child being pushed in a pram watching a phone or screen. Like what is wrong with people?

If the kids are at daycare at least they aren't on screens, they are eating healthy food, are active, creative and social.

“I cannot tell you how much annoyance I get when I see a child being pushed in a pram watching a phone or screen. Like what is wrong with people?”

Why aren’t parents wanting to engage with their child? I don’t understand it either.

I'm not advocating for the term making memories I'm saying it makes some mums - myself included at times and mums I knew- feel unnessary pressure on time spent with kids.

I'm not saying that is resonable - just that there is that social pressure and some mums do feel it. If you didn't that's great - but I do think that pressue does exist.

My parents used to play Monopoly with us. I have fond memories of that.

I think it’s where society has had a decline of behaviour standards over the last 40 years or so. These kids at school have parents in their 30s or 40s, maybe younger ,who also grew up without discipline.

Kids do what they want now with no fear of consequences. Some parents threaten teachers , if they dare complain about their child’s behaviour.

Political correctness, woke culture maybe ?

Years ago if a police officer told someone what to do they’d generally do it. Now they are filmed and ridiculed.

Years ago as a kid I was messing about on my estate . My neighbour said stop what you’re doing or I’ll tell your dad. And my dad would have told me off.

Nowadays no one can chastise someone else’s child, the threatening of telling their parents won’t work because their parents will likely kick off at you for doing so.

Theres no punishment or respect.

Im not surprised police officers , teachers etc are leaving.

Social media convinces thick people that they know better than anyone else (including education experts), and gives them a persecution complex. causes people to spend a ridiculous amount of time looking at their phone screen rather than the world and people in front of them. As a result tasks such as good parenting are often done in half measures.

I bet if most people on here took a look at their average daily screen time it will be a lot higher than they expect.

“Social media causes people to spend a ridiculous amount of time looking at their phone screen rather than the world and people in front of them.”

Which includes the most important people in their lives, their own children.

The irony is that well-behaved children with ADHD are being overlooked by professionals because they are becoming accustomed to feral unparented children whose parents wanted the benefits. It's absurd!

Good?

Few times my parents did that it ended unpleasantly. Both DH and I remember waiting round work sites and shops an awful lot of our childhoods or in cars.

We did with our kids do regular game nights once kids were older love letter,carcassonne, ticket to ride etc - also set up minecraft server so they could play together- played 3D headset games and many other actvities in the house - cooking and craft - and also went out and did things together - big and small cheap and expensive.

I do not see why agreeing that there is social pressure on parents to make most of limited time means means I'm now being told it's not there and what people rememeber from their childhood.

My DC are grown or very nearly they remember some stuff not all and odd things I do not - but we enjoyed their childhood they seem happy and well adjusted- I've no regrets - they had downtime and also did more than DH and I did in our childhoods.

I don’t think adults on weight loss injections are beauty obsessed. Obesity is linked to every single one of the main non communicable diseases that kill in the UK.

@EmpressTheodora I don’t think this applies to you. I was saying that parents who think they have to ‘make memories’ (which often costs money) could do something simply, like play a board game.

I think the main goal of many parents today is for their child to never feel or experience anything negative, difficult, or uncomfortable. There seems to be a modern responsibility placed on parents to protect their child from any unpleasant feelings otherwise it will harm their self-esteem. Whereas in years past the goal of most parents was to do what was necessary to raise children who could become functioning adult members of society who understand there are expectations on them.

Examples I’ve seen on mumsnet or IRL

• Why should my child have to conform to this school uniform expectation
• My child was being disruptive in class and was put in a timeout, this consequence has upset or “damaged” my child so I’m going to contact the teacher
• How can I help my child get around the rules on phones in their school
• I can’t take my child to the supermarket they get bored and act out so we avoid it
• My child gets anxious before PE, how can I remove them from the situation rather than using it as an opportunity to build resilience and teach them they can do hard things
• There was a post recently where despite a child physically hurting other children many posters believed he should not be excluded from a birthday party. Some people believed this one child’s self-esteem and feelings were more important than other children’s safety
• Preventing boredom - constant activities, stimulation, screens, entertainment because being bored is seen as a negative thing despite the fact it used to be quite normal for kids to be bored and be forced to create their own fun

Many children are being set up to fail because they are subconsciously developing the belief they should never ever suffer any negative emotion, they should never have to do anything they don’t want to do and they should never not get their own way. Negative emotions are to be avoided at all costs - it would be better for a child to have no idea how to function in society than to feel anything negative like embarrassment, shame or sadness. Despite the fact that some behaviours do warrant these feelings. Their resilience becomes lacking and their ability to engage with difficult situations or people becomes non-existent. They simply won’t be able to cope with being told no, being told to share, being told they have to behave in a certain ways, etc. And because they can’t cope they lash out and behaviours appear extreme. In summary, it’s not the children’s fault - it’s certain styles of modern parenting.

Or just let them watch the world go by. My babies both LOVED pram walks - long aimless walks to the beach, just watching dogs/seagulls/other babies. Pointing at squirrels. Me pointing with them. Now I just see them sucking bottles of fruit shoot while holding a mobile.

Mine did as babies. They did not as toddlers and spent most of the time frantically straining and sometimes screaming to be free.