What is going on with (some) kids?!

[Purpleturtle45]

I have been a primary school teacher for 20 years and I just cannot believe the decline in behaviour and attainment In that time!

Yesterday I witnessed a 6 year old kick, spit at, punch and threaten to kill the DHT and ultimately trash the room and the staff are powerless to stop it as they aren't allowed to touch a child. This is a daily occurrence.

So many children are disrespectful and will argue back to your face now and a lot of the parents are just accepting of this! I honestly fear for the world if this is what the kids are like!

Every teacher I know is looking to leave, they are being driven to breaking point every day! It's all so worrying.

Kids turning up in reception in nappies is proof. No one can be arsed any more.

Yes - one my DC went to - one I experienced as a parent the downside of too much poorly thought through homework with.

I didn't decide to just opt out though. I spoke with teachers - and then when parents became aware it was a wider issuse it was taken up with HT as that and got a postive reponse.

Not all schools set HW at same level and how much it's thought through varies as well and how responive they'd be to parental concerns is also going to vary.

I'm just saying primary school HW it can be a valid issue IME - how universal that is who knows.

We found their secondary post covid just didn't want to deal with parents at all even with polite one with valid concerns most teachers were still lovely but any level above was just awful reponses - so I know all schools do not have same reponse to parents.

Was greatful they all decided on college for A-levels so no longer have to deal with them.

Yep- they litertaly cannot be arsed

Don’t be so touchy- if you aren’t a shit parent good for you - others are.

“Parents parented. Teachers taught”

This. Parents put in the hard and actually taught their children basic skills, and they always backed the teachers. When I was in school, parents would never have verbally abused teachers.

Kid needs a good larrupping.

Homestly with behaviour like this in schools I think they should bring back smacking and the cane.

What have we got to lose at this point? I’d rather miscreants were hurt and control was regained than that a teacher or child is injured by another child.

These kids have no respect for authority and no boundaries. Perhaps he’s ND - I’m sure he’d soon learn if he knew there’d be consequences to his behaviour.

Exactly. Plus, PLUS we were taught how to use cutlery and a pen! We were taught table manners

Feral parents raising feral children. Yes theres SEN children but no way do they all have SEN. Far to many excusing lockdown for their kids behaviour too.

Quite.

100 per cent. Who the f do these kids think they are?? There are no consequences for any of their actions.

Yes, children were taught the skills and manners they needed to function in school and society. None were in nappies, and most had a much better attention span.

Don't blame the kids. Blame the parents. For a 10 year old to think he has the right to tell me that I can't tell him what to do... he's been told by his parents that he can speak to adults that way or that he doesn't have to listen to other adults.

He was probably the child who, as a toddler, was allowed to hold up everyone at a busy station. And definitely the child who was allowed to sit on the train when adults are standing. And the child who was allowed to run around in the restaurant. etc etc.

Table manners have gone down the drain for all generations though. My DH had a day off a few weeks ago and we took our toddler out to visit a castle and then to a lovely tea room for lunch. You had to make your order, give a name and then the waitress would bring your food out. We were sat outside along with 6 or 7 couples who all looked 50-60+. All on their phones and the 4 who had food brought out whilst we were there completely ignored the waitress shouting their names. Phones make people so bloody rude.

You’ve only got to read the parenting threads here where everyone is very precious now and the idea of even raising your voicing or admonishing a pre-school child when they’re lashing out, or negatively attention seeking, or being defiant is considered almost abusive.

This is the problem - ‘gentle parenting’ - or a gormless thicko interpretation of it that basically meams no parenting

A badly behaved 3 year old needs to be shown that by tone of voice, facial expressions, parental demeanour. If 3 year olds can behave (and they can) you can be assured schools would calmer.

But no - there was a thread the other day about a sibling beating the shit out her baby brother and the posts were all “They aren’t old enough to regulate” “they don’t undersand” “they’ll grown out of it” “model kind hands” “give her more cuddles” - some of which is true, but in the moment no, you stop her harming the baby and get her attention her by sternly raising your voice and removing her swiftly. They soon learn. And in the long run it does them no harm.

Another one was where a very proud gentle parent had lost it and shouted at her kid (who she admitted had moved on and wasn’t too bothered) but she herself was so racked with guilt she was sitting crying posting on mn 🙄. Jeez - how did whole generations of kids with shouty mums as a norm ever survive?

I’d say good robust parental boundaries help with resilience and self regulation throughout their childhood. This gentle crap parenting can get in the bin. Save the education system - love your child, spoil your child rotten, but rein them in when they’re being a little shit.

Yeah i noticed the theme….

I worked in nurseries in another career and babies were 3 months old back then starting nursery. Very few children went on and exhibited the behaviour and often decline in development seen now in more and more children. You didn’t hear about it at all.

Nurseries have to be constantly proving what they are doing and observing and planning etc. I also feel like some children have more developmental play, interaction, adult attention/ guidance and a mixture of social situations in that environment than they often do at home.

Sure there’s always been issues with behaviour in some children but there’s a noticeable change.

My walk to work now involves walking straight past the primary school my children both attended approximately 15 years ago.

I cannot believe the number of children I see walking to school crying and screaming and clinging the the gates sobbing. It is shocking.

There were 1 or 2 children who were a bit reluctant back then (but eventually settled) but nothing like this.

Something has changed and I suspect these children are screen-addicted and cannot cope with the thought of a day in school with either no screen, or a screen with something on it that they aren't interested in.

CabbagePatchSquirrel

This generation of parents actually spend much more time actively engaging with and entertaining their children than previous generations did.

Do you not think we’re working and or commuting more than ever? All afterschool services including the ones before school are full up around here. From experience I think modern day living with 2 parents working ft is what causes the most stress in a lot of families. I don’t have the time to give my kids substantial time because I’m physically not there. (Add to this I work weekends). Saying that our kids aren’t problem kids but that’s possibly luck!!

Agree completely.

I also agree a lot of ‘emotionally based school avoidance’ is screen withdrawal where they only feel ‘safe and regulated’ at home on their screen.

This is all just a massive lack of socialisation and normality from day 1 of their lives.

Also (and I’m sure I’ll be shot down in flames for this), some (not all - but some) parents of ND children are turning into some kind of online lifestyle. Being a Sen parent gets a lot of clicks, a lot of likes and validation ‘awww you’re just an amazing parent doing your best hun’. They then develop a kind of defensive attitude to school and society and post a lot of content showing them feeding their kids chicken nuggets and ‘regulating’ on the iPad at 11pm with a comment like ‘thanks Karen but I’m actually going to meet my children’s needs and not give a fuck what you think’

Encourages bad parenting tbh (I’ve heard a lot of SEN parents say they left the online community for this reason)

My kids have sen and I do not engage with the community for this exact reason. Far to many use it as an excuse not to actually parent.

That’s not good is it and I’m shocked at that generation behaving so rudely. You see so many kids who won’t sit at a table. I just cannot fathom us doing that when we were taken out to eat at that age. “Oh he won’t sit at the table”. He would if he was with me.

So many parents prioritise their own free time over spending time with their children. There was a thread yesterday “Am I being mean sending my child to preschool on my non working days?” (This just means I get a
bit of a break, time for me so I can do things like go to the gym.”)

Yes, it is mean! Spend time with your child.

Absolutely he was. I wouldn’t have tolerated that behaviour nor would I have expected anyone else to. It’s pure entitlement. Little Johnnie is just “expressing himself”. No he’s not. You dress it up how you like but he’s behaving like he’s in charge and being allowed to. The chap next door to us was building something in his garden the other weekend. The kid who is mid primary school age couldn’t leave him alone. Can I have. Can you do. In and out he went pandering to the kid. When did parents stop saying “no. I’m busy. You can see I’m busy”. Jeez.

I think though spending time with children has become really intense as leaving them to be bored is frowned upon now. As a child I remember my mum watching breakfast TV every day with a coffee while we played. Now there’s an expectation of constant engagement and fun arranged activities, so it all feels more draining.

Be present for your children, but allow them to be bored.

“I think though spending time with children has become really intense as leaving them to be bored is frowned upon now.”

I think, though, spending time with parents doesn’t have to be like this. Babies and young children, especially, just want attention from their parents. If you have chores to do, you can do them and interact with your children at the same time. It’s good for children not to be entertained all the time, Boredom helps them learn how to entertain themselves.