Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
30 days only
Original poster

Do I confess my feelings to my boss before moving to the other side of the world?

399 replies

scaredaboutwork · 03/09/2026 14:33

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

OP posts:
DrumsPleaseFab · 03/09/2026 21:18

He wanted London and would not let anything stopping him to get to London

if he wants you, there is no stopping him getting you if he wanted…

please do not do a big embarrassing confession, part of your infatuation with him is possibly the fact he is unattainable and a lot of it is in your imagination, it is all a fantasy. You do not know what he is like really. People are very different at work and the fact that he is your manager at work created a skewed idea of you subconsciously looking up to him

if he wanted you he’d be with you and nothing would stop him like nothing stopped him coming to London

i would go away spread your wings and find a new life 🎉

NewNameW · 03/09/2026 21:44

Are you hoping he would go with you? Or are you hoping to have a reason to stay home?

OneFineDay22 · 03/09/2026 22:58

DrumsPleaseFab · 03/09/2026 21:18

He wanted London and would not let anything stopping him to get to London

if he wants you, there is no stopping him getting you if he wanted…

please do not do a big embarrassing confession, part of your infatuation with him is possibly the fact he is unattainable and a lot of it is in your imagination, it is all a fantasy. You do not know what he is like really. People are very different at work and the fact that he is your manager at work created a skewed idea of you subconsciously looking up to him

if he wanted you he’d be with you and nothing would stop him like nothing stopped him coming to London

i would go away spread your wings and find a new life 🎉

if he wants you, there is no stopping him getting you if he wanted…

Except OP rejecting him? Which she has said she laughed it off when he asked her out. What’s he supposed to do if he thinks his feelings are unreciprocated? Keep harassing her? He thinks she’s not interested in being more than friends.

Ayarreet · Yesterday 00:42

scaredaboutwork · 03/09/2026 17:58

Thank you everyone for the advice. Unfortunately I do not have the time to reply to everyone but I do appreciate it.

A lot of mixed responses - which is what I kind of expected! All different kinds of scenarios racing through my head right now.

For those asking, he does know about the job. I found out that he found out through the grape vine - mutual friends and acquaintances in the industry. It really is a small world. He had been waiting for me to bring it up.

He was a bit conflicted about it. At first said it was amazing, I should do as it’s the right thing for my career and that moving abroad was the best thing he ever did.

But at the same time he said he sensed a lot of doubt in me and if I had doubts I shouldn’t be moving to the other side of the world. In contrast, he said nothing in the world would have stopped him moving to London - he knew that’s what he wanted and nothing could have prevented him making it happen…. that I ought to feel as strongly as that for such a big move.

And they all lived happily ever after. The End. 🙄

OriginalSkang · Yesterday 06:43

FreddoBRIDGE · 03/09/2026 20:08

Oh dear, how did you get so cynical?

Show quote history

I don't think thats cynical? Having your own money is more likely to get you heating and a roof over your head in old age. I think that's very obvious?

Sc0tlandbye · Yesterday 06:50

I think you're looking for noble reasons to back out of the Australia job because you're frightened.

Jesus it's 6 months. Take it

Sc0tlandbye · Yesterday 06:52

Also long term a Kiwi who struck out to london isnt going to settle down with someone dithering over an exciting 6 month contract

MJagain · Yesterday 06:55

PeonieLover · 03/09/2026 14:52

If he really liked you he would have made his feelings known but he hasn't so there's your answer.

Would a man let a potential life and career changing opportunity like an overseas move pass by due to a potential love interest? Very unlikely, think like a man and put yourself and your career first.

Don't make a fool of your self by declaring your love to someone you might need to ask for a professional reference in the future.

Edited

This

Just have a night out & kiss him. Youlll soon get your answer & a bit of fun, or you can brush over it as a moment of madness if he doesn’t reciprocate

Eitherway you should take the job

Mrcollinswave · Yesterday 08:25

I don't think you should let an opportunity like Australia pass you by. I may be projecting due to lost opportunities myself that I regret 😄 Do it, if he is interested you'll probably know about it when you hand your notice in! In any case if you're friends, it's easy to keep in touch these days with WhatsApp etc.

HoChiMince · Yesterday 08:55

Absolutely go for the job. I was an introvert and never took an opportunity to work abroad. Now it’s too late as I have kids and elderly parents here - it’s one of the two major regrets I have in my life. I wish I’d had the guts. If it doesn’t work out, you can go back home again. The UK doesn’t cease to exist if you aren’t there. In the meantime, keep in touch with your friend. Maybe you’ll meet someone who blows you away when you’re in Australia, or maybe you don’t and you come back home again. If he’s as keen on you as you hope, then he’ll make himself available. If he isn’t, then you know it was never meant to be.

OneFineDay22 · Yesterday 14:51

All these people saying Australia sounds like a real opportunity - I think I would rather claw my own eyeballs out than live in Australia. Everyone I have known to live and work there is back and has nothing good to say about the place. I also know people from there who have emigrated. So, if she’s not that interested in Australia it might be more like she doesn’t want to make a move and him reject her and then feel like she has to go to Australia to get away from him and the awkwardness.

Have you decided what to do yet, OP?

Soverymuchfruit · Yesterday 16:26

Everyone who assumes it's a brilliant opportunity to work in Australia. Why?

The job itself is a promotion, which is good, but only short-term, which may be bad, depending on industry. But lay that aside. Why is it a good thing to go to Australia, as everyone seems to think?

OP probably already has a network of friends and family in the UK. Leaving all of them to live permanently on the other side of the world doesn't seem an intrinsically desirable thing to do. I don't remotely want to, for example. Nothing against Australia. But my network is here and I don't want to leave it, or spend the rest of my life trying to stay in touch with people who matter to me who are far away. I have family members who do this and would, in retrospect, have much preferred not to. OP would similarly be perfectly reasonable not to want to.

So "should" she want to go there for 6 months? She'd have to find a lot of that time finding her feet and making new connections and friends, or she'd be rather lonely. Some people would absolutely love that! But some of us find it hard work making new friends, and would find it rather demotivating to do so if they didn't intend to stick around permanently with those friends anyway. They'd be more concerned with staying in touch with their friends at home.

OP: aside from the man, you don't have to want to move to Australia! If you really don't, be clear with yourself about that. Then, do you want to go there for 6 months? Is the career opportunity actually good?

Booboobagins · Yesterday 17:48

I would suggest you meet as normal and tell him youve been offered a job in Australia. His reaction should speak volumes. Ypu can then talk about your feelings etc.

Good luck. Maybe he should also move the Australia, I would in a heartbeat!

rosie1873 · Yesterday 17:56

Best not.

Bwitched1 · Yesterday 17:57

scaredaboutwork · 03/09/2026 14:33

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

Its better to do something and regret it than not!!!

Wooky073 · Yesterday 17:57

Organise a catch up with him as friends. Tell him about your job offer. See how he reacts. Tell him how torn you are. Say you wish you had said yes to his date offer. Take it from there .. you have nothing to loose

LilacWinter · Yesterday 18:00

Just my two cents, and I know how strong of a feeling it can be, but trust me there are more people you can potentially be with and if it doesn’t work out I feel like going to Australia is an opportunity you might never get again, whereas with partners there is always someone out there

FunCrab · Yesterday 18:02

What if you stay and this does not work out, what do you do? Can you continue to work for this firm or would you need to leave?
why not go for the six months, see how it goes if he wants you he will wait.
best of luck with your decision.

independentfriend · Yesterday 18:03

Are you trying to negotiate a sabbatical type unpaid leave to come back to your current job in six months?

If not, then the safest solution is to find a different UK job so you won't be working together and can see how being friends outside of work feels for you.

I'm a bit biased - can't conceive of why anyone (non-medical) would want to go to Australia to work. Can you talk to other UK people in Australia? What's it like? What costs will you incur moving and coming back in six months (if you do)? Is it a good career move for six months - where most of your time might be for work with a bit for sightseeing so lack of local social connections won't matter too much?

NeedsAGreenCardForFantasyLand · Yesterday 18:05

Never, ever turn down an opportunity for professional growth in favor of a man, especially one you are not in an established relationship with.

You can tell him and still go. You might have a nice fling before you leave. Australia might not work out and you come back. You might wind up trying the LDR thing for a while. You might have completely misread the situation -- who knows?

But never, ever, ever turn down an opportunity like this for a man.

ALittleBitAlexislalala · Yesterday 18:05

Tell him on your next outing that this should be the date you rejected previously and take it from there. You may not be compatible in a romantic sense anyway, or it may be fireworks! If you feel this strongly you should tell him. I fell in love with my boss at 26 and we've been together 22 years now. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be!

sacav · Yesterday 18:06

Life is to short for regrets and you will regret not saying anything. You don't know he could be 'your person'. Having read though some comments and seeing you laughed the date off I doubt he will ever say anything to you in fear of rejection.

If it's only 6 months you could still make it work he could still come and visit. If you really are that worried about saying things out loud text him it lol.

I'm invested now telling him lol

WelshB1 · Yesterday 18:06

MyCatIsAnAeroplane · 03/09/2026 14:34

If you stayed back, gave up Australia, and it didn’t work out how would you feel?

Don’t play games, straight up ask him if he feels the same, if not, then you’ll be leaving for your new job and won’t have to see him again

sittingonthedockofebay · Yesterday 18:06

Could you say to him that you’ve been offered a job in Oz and see what his reaction is?
If he’s delighted for you and wishes you luck and happiness, then you can take it he’s a friend.
If he’s crushed and upset, then maybe he has feelings.

WelshB1 · Yesterday 18:07

scaredaboutwork · 03/09/2026 14:33

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

Don’t play games, straight up ask him if he feels the same, if not, then you’ll be leaving for your new job and won’t have to see him again