Do I confess my feelings to my boss before moving to the other side of the world?

[scaredaboutwork]

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

"So, when are you taking me out on that date then?"

See what he responds with and take it from there.....

I think you should go to Australia and see how it goes. It might be amazing. It might not. But these opportunities don’t come up often.
Re the guy, I wonder if subconsciously you are trying to find a reason to stay to avoid doing something out of your comfort zone? As even if he does like you, that’s no guarantee of anything.

Please don't do it. These "confessions" so rarely end the way the person wants them to. Go to Australia. You are young. Live your life.

In the words of Bridget Jones friends.. There’s been all these bloody signs but has he actually ever stuck his tongue down your throat?!?
I wouldn’t suggest changing your plans for a guy that didn’t have the bottle to ask me out himself.

I mean, she said he did ask her? But she thought he was joking and said no, and laughed it off. Also if he’s her boss or superior he might be concerned about sexual harassment, especially after she has already said no.

Go to Australia! That sounds like an adventure you will never forget. Even if it is just for 6 months.

I was proposed to. We were young. His mate was there. I had no confidence and thought he was playing a joke. I said no. He said he'd never ask again. Decades later we've found our way back, but what a waste.

tell him

Do not 'confess' anything.

Go to Oz. Live your life.

Give him your number and see if he texts you. If they're keen, they can't keep away.

In fairness if someone asked me to marry them in front of their mate, I’d also assume he was joking. I’d be even less impressed if he then sulked for years and said he would never ask again.

I was in a similar position to you around 13 years ago now. I had just met a man I really liked but was then offered a job abroad I really wanted to take. I couldn't decide so did both 😅 dated him until the day I left and he dropped me at the airport, both in tears. Terribly Richard Curtis as a previous poster has already pointed out....
He came to visit me once a month until I moved home again a year later. We've now been married 10 years.
My advice would be tell him but go anyway. You never know what could happen.

I think you need to tell him how you feel and that you have been offered a 6 month fixed term job in Australia, you are going to accept it (you would be mad to miss that opportunity) and you would like him to visit you. If he feels the same way he will visit - it is basically travelling back to his side of the globe so the distance is unlikely to be an issue for him. See what he says. If he doesn't feel the same way then so be it, you will be distracted by your new job and life for at least the next 6 months. In which part of Australia is the job?

I disagree with him about the doubts.

You can return if it doesn't work out for you because the initial commitment is only for 6 months.

Some people are overthinkers (I am one myself!) so rarely feel 100% certain about anything because of all the scenarios you find yourself playing out in your head. Having doubts is not necessarily a reason not to give it a try

He didn't sulk at all. Where do you get that from? We stayed together for a few more years.

When I read that I thought he was finding excuses for her to stay

It is. A career won’t keep you warm and content in your old age

Actually, yes it will. Its far, far more likely to!

Oh dear, how did you get so cynical?

Australia could be a once in a lifetime thing. Men / partners come and go

It’s not really an either/or by the sounds of it. OP doesn’t sound like she would 100% take the job, but if she did want to she could still take it, whether he feels the same or not.

This update makes him sound a bit manipulative.
despite being your boss he’s only 28, not a life expert despite his personal experience of moving abroad.
Who’s he to tell you what you should be feeling and that he senses doubt?

It isn't love though, its some guy she likes who hasn't bothered to tell her he likes her. If he did really like her, he would tell her. If he's not sure, then I don't think it's true love.

Certainly not enough to give up a job opportunity like this over a "what if", as she may (likely) find the shoe on the other foot and wonder what if about the Aus job.

Honestly if it were me, id tell him I like him, if he says he liked me back say I need to prioritise my career (as men always do!) And say im still going to Aus. If the relationship can't survive 6 months long distance then it was doomed from the start.

he sounds a bit shy and as you have turned him down for a date he is likely to be wary . Speak to him otherwise you will never know. Have a few dates and see how it goes. It might fizzle out and it’s not as though you are going to Australia tomorrow

I agree with this. You could probably introduce a level of flirtation that makes it clear you like him while not embarrassing yourself in case the feelings aren’t mutual (they probably are though)

There are plenty of opportunities a lot closer to home than Australia.

one things for sure, don't screw up your career because you fancy the boss. You'll always be the loser, they will stay and get to keep their job and you'll be the one looking for new employment. Just not worth the risk or hassle.

Take the job. Maintain the friendship. See what happens when he’s no longer your boss. I don’t think generally men welcome declarations.