No room for sister's partner at our 20 person wedding

[tentatives]

we have a small wedding venue. It's a private house with accommodation for 20 people.

We are having 20 guests.

The problem we/re having is partners. Some poeple are married, others engaged, others dating for 7 months, some living, and some we haven't met.

While some partners we want there others we are inviting out of politeness.

When we sent out save the dates the criteria was either married, together 5 years, engaged, or living together. All the invites were all named so the 20 know theyre invited.

When we found the venue before we got engaged our guest list was 20.

4 months later we got engaged and booked it and DP sister had been dating a man casually for 4 months. We sent out save the dates he wasn't included.

But now it's 1 year later and we're sending out invites. But theres no room for an extra guest.

DP sister is very upset. What do we do?

OP didn't mess up and she has nothing to apologise for.

If they still say no then I think I would just explain to sister it's this way and leave as is.

Enjoy your special day.

XXXXXX

OP definitely didn't mess up. I agree, but if it can be rectified just be adding a chair for dinner, it seems worth asking the right person.

So confused by the replies here. It’s a tiny wedding and they’ve been together five minutes. He doesn’t need to come and if I were her I’d completely understand!

@tentatives they’ve only been together 12 months, it may not even last. Carry on with your plans and just apologise for not being able to change things, but you’ll let them know if someone cancels.

So you've chosen the owners of the venue over your own sister. Ok, your choice, but I'm guessing there'll be consequences to that decision.

My own sister did this to me. She had no idea who I was or wasn't dating (we've never been that close) because she didn't ask. She expected me to drive, alone, to the other side of the country from where we both live, to attend her wedding at an outdoor venue. She refused me a "plus one", stating a need to keep the numbers down. It was the final straw. We no longer speak.

I was being hyperbolic, obviously.

Circumstances can change, and that was something the SIL would have been wise to consider before she told OP that it was fine to not invite her partner, knowing as she did that it would not be possible to just add him to the guest list later. She’s the cause of her own upset here.

SIL is being very unreasonable. She agreed to this arrangement a year ago, so it's on her.

I understand why she'd be disappointed now, and of course her partner should be invited the second someone cancels. Plus a separate meal out with them sounds like a lovely idea.

But SIL agreed and it's outrageous that she's now trying to insist that either a guest is uninvited (so rude) or that the venue is changed (such an entitled idea)

I don’t think you’ve done anything particularly wrong OP, it’s just one of those things.

However, as she is your soon-to-be-DH’s sister, I would speak to the manager of the venue and ask if something could be done to enable him to attend the ceremony/reception, as it sounds like maybe the limit is down to the number of people who can be accommodated overnight? If that were possible, then could they not have a room at a nearby hotel? That would solve the problem, and I don’t see why asking nicely would jeopardise your relationship with your friend. The worst that can happen is they say no, and you say ‘fair enough, just thought I’d ask.’

And if the answer IS no, then your DH can explain to his sister that you’ve really explored every avenue to make it work (apart from changing the venue or uninviting someone, which would be ridiculous) and unfortunately there really is nothing you can do. But they might say yes!