No room for sister's partner at our 20 person wedding

[tentatives]

we have a small wedding venue. It's a private house with accommodation for 20 people.

We are having 20 guests.

The problem we/re having is partners. Some poeple are married, others engaged, others dating for 7 months, some living, and some we haven't met.

While some partners we want there others we are inviting out of politeness.

When we sent out save the dates the criteria was either married, together 5 years, engaged, or living together. All the invites were all named so the 20 know theyre invited.

When we found the venue before we got engaged our guest list was 20.

4 months later we got engaged and booked it and DP sister had been dating a man casually for 4 months. We sent out save the dates he wasn't included.

But now it's 1 year later and we're sending out invites. But theres no room for an extra guest.

DP sister is very upset. What do we do?

Can u drop some of the people you said you’re only inviting out of politeness ?

so I explained the situation to my friend whose family owns the venue. She didn't offer this solution. I didn't want to ask but gave her every opportunity to offer and she just reiterated that it was a really hard situation.

Who are all the guests who have no partners there sharing a bed with, your sister included?

Inviting people a year ago seems ill thought out as this has shown so much can change in a year.

You have 21 guests OP.

This is the correct thing to do.

Ah ok in that case I think your future sister in law needs to suck it up come to the wedding on her own. She’s already agreed to share a room with someone else.

I think you were taking a huge risk with this. I was married to my husband 10 months after first going out with him. It happens.

The people were inviting out of politeness.

My cousin who is a guy and moved in with my parents at 18 so they consider him a second son. His girlfriend who is live in.

Another friend of DP who isn't engaged but is with a life partner, we invited them both.

Another friend got married and we have never met the girl as it was an elopement. But they're married?

Theres noone we can uninvited. Everyone has been together longer than dp sister

You can't skirt around it - ask directly not via someone else - it could be a fire regs then and then it makes it a different situation altogether. If it's a sleeping arrangement issue then I am sure there are places nearby. You all just seem too coy (or unmotivated) to address it properly.

Another friend got married and we have never met the girl as it was an elopement. But they're married?

So you're inviting someone you've never met over your potential future brother in law...

SIL was not at all fussed when she knew he wasn't invited when save the. dates were sent. It was a casual relationship and he was unlikely to get a visa to stay in the country.

Despite you loving the venue so much and getting a great deal from the owners, your DP's sister, and possibly her partner, are going to be part of your family for a long time. If you've got the brass neck to face them for the rest of your married life, crack on and don't invite him.

@VIII DP has met her. It's the best mans partner. She's already invited. I don't like this situation at all. But I also dont think its right to uninvite someone

You have got to squeeze him in somehow. How did you not see this coming until the time the formal invitations went out.

Probably because she had known him for four months and she wasn't insane. No one has told you to uninvite anyone, but you're also not proactively doing anything to include him. Talking to a friend tangentially is not the same as taking the bull by the horns.

SIL has lots of short term boyfriends. We spoke to her about it early on and she said not to invite him. this was when they were together 4 months and it looked like he wasn't getting a visa

I think SIL knew the deal and was fine with it back then. What is she saying that she expects to happen?

Is there any way he can go to the wedding but your sister and him stay somewhere else that night . Room thing is understandable but only having 20 chairs ? Bloody hell bring his own then !

You’re clearly not prepared to ask the venue for some flexibility.

So all you can do is apologise to sis for your poor planning and hope that she and her partner understand.

or you could change venue. but I presume that would be extremely difficult and possibly something you’d resent doing.

I think people are being a bit harsh here. It's a tiny wedding. It was already arranged when SIL's relationship became more serious. If SIL knows the situation, and that you like her partner etc but it's all been arranged for ages and there's simply no space, then I think she should just accept it really. It's not a personal slight.

So why doesn’t your sister understand this?

Have you sat down with your sil and explained the situation? What does your dp say about it all ?

Well he can’t come. That’s the only solution.

It’s her future sister in law. Not sister.

If SIL is sharing a twin room with someone already, what does she expect her current roommate to do if SIL's partner attends?

Just ask the owners. If it’s a no then whatever. You’re making too big of a deal out of it.