No room for sister's partner at our 20 person wedding

[tentatives]

we have a small wedding venue. It's a private house with accommodation for 20 people.

We are having 20 guests.

The problem we/re having is partners. Some poeple are married, others engaged, others dating for 7 months, some living, and some we haven't met.

While some partners we want there others we are inviting out of politeness.

When we sent out save the dates the criteria was either married, together 5 years, engaged, or living together. All the invites were all named so the 20 know theyre invited.

When we found the venue before we got engaged our guest list was 20.

4 months later we got engaged and booked it and DP sister had been dating a man casually for 4 months. We sent out save the dates he wasn't included.

But now it's 1 year later and we're sending out invites. But theres no room for an extra guest.

DP sister is very upset. What do we do?

If you were on here saying "We want to invite SIL's partner so we're planning to disinvite someone we've already invited" everyone would be telling you that was terrible too.

Sil will just have to deal with it. I wouldn’t be ‘fitting’ him in, or changing my plans. It’s one wedding and he will live. They may not even stay together!

Op your dp needs to speak to his sister. The guest limit is the guest limit. I would however arrange a wedding dinner with then afterwards, and get to know him. Honestly Op it is your day, not theirs.

What does DP think? We've not heard his view yet. And it's his sister so if there's no way in world that things can be flexed by millimetres to fit in an extra person then it's his job to talk to his sister.

Which is why it's such a bad idea to force your guests to room with randoms.

All hou can fo is say that hes first on the list if someone canmot attend.

You posted about this before OP. I am surprised it's not been resolved. I think you don't like this man for some reason and are finding excuses not to make an effort to include him.

If SIL did indeed promise to share a room with another person, then surely she either continues to do so, or she books herself somewhere else to stay. If she books elsewhere, could the venue not squeeze another chair in for him? Is that really so difficult?

Sister in law is being selfish by causing issues at this stage. The venue is booked, the wedding is one day/night and she can live without her BF being there. @SummerPeonies2026 is correct, your DF needs to speak to her and tell her its a firm no and arrange a dinner with them before or after to celebrate.

Honestly, I would be very annoyed with the drama SIL is causing over this.

Have you posted about this before? There was a similar post not long ago where the bride had asked all their siblings if their current partner was a life partner and only those who said yes were invited. In that thread it was clear, the DP sisters partner could be added but the bride didn't want him to be.

Any sensible person would have left a little slack in their plans, rayher than fill up the place to the rafters and make strangers roomshare. I have zero sympathy.

It’s OP’s wedding day! They can invite whoever they like, it’s not her job to save space for randoms!

This.
Obviously.

I cannot fathom how it causes any harm to ask if one more person can come for the meal - SIL will know you tried, and if they say yes it's a good compromise and preserves family relationships.

Stop wasting time dropping hints to the owners daughters friend or whatever, and ask the question directly to the venue.

They get another £150 for one less guest to stay over... winner.

Exactly. What would the OP and her partner have done if her SIL and partner had got married before the invites went out?

I still can't get over that you're inviting someone you've never met simply because she's married to the best man.

Based on your original couples criteria of married, 5 years together, engaged or living together, does your SIL now 'qualify' ?

I think you are being unreasonable simply because you haven't actually asked the venue.

Hinting at it to your friend, who sounds like she isn't the decision maker, is ridiculous.

(My SIL.does this....have you any plans on Saturday? Me & DH were thinking about going to X but not sure if journey is too long for little ones? I know she wants me to babysit but she never asks so I ignore it!)

All you have to do is say
"I'm sorry to ask but is there any way possible, we could increase the number to 21 for the ceremony & meal. If not I fully appreciate that"

The acconmodation most likely be possible but he can arrange to stay elsewhere.

Once you've asked, you've been fair and reasonable.

Sil knew the deal and agreed this ages ago - you can't change your whole wedding and incur all the extra costs just because she's changed her mind!
It would be different if they had been long term partners when you booked this. Just stick to your plan - apologise to the fella and say that you agreed this with Sil when you booked the venue, it's too late to change it and that no offence was meant. I bet he won't give a shit - all the fuss is from the woman who literally told you not to invite him!

Have a fab wedding and don't give this another thought - she'll get over it!

What poor planning? She decided she wants a small wedding and found her venue which makes 20. SIL knew that her casual partner at the time wouldn't be invited and didn't even know if he would be in the country so there's nothing OP can do and those saying OP should look for a another venue is ridiculous, why would she do that?

YANBU.

He's not invited and that's all there is to it. I thought that was half the point t of save the dates- to be able to exclude random new partners of guests who get together shortly before invites go out.

It's a small wedding and sounds like she'll know most people. Hardly a chore to spend an evening without her boyfriend.

Find it more odd that you had a venue and even a guest list before you were engaged?!

OP, have you included yourself and FH in the headcount of 20? I ask because so many people forget to, and think ‘guests’ when referring to meals etc are their guests when it actually means total attendees including B&G!

Your DP needs to sit down with his sister and show her the guest list. He can explain that the venue is totally full, it seats only 20 and you've asked them but they can't fit another person in. The venue was booked ages ago and the guest list chosen, and she was happy about it at the time. It is too late now. Once she's seen the list and been told who those people are, surely she'll realise that you can't kick one of them out so her bf can come instead. Fingers crossed anyway.

She told you not to invite him, so she doesn’t get to throw a fit over it now. She’ll live.

I’m not sure what her being “very upset” looks like but your partner needs to sort this out. And possibly enlist their parents to help if needed, since she’s early twenties and not being very reasonable about what she’s already agreed to/told you to do.

Your sister in law is entitled to be upset, shes entitled to change her mind about attending. Thats all she is entitled to. She can't demand that you change things.

Maybe tell her she can source a suitable alternative venue and pay the difference in costs if its that important to her...

If it was not this it would be something else. Do not give in.

He can come if there’s a cancellation: that’s the best you can do - don’t let this upset your day.

You find a way to invite him. Its the only decent thing to do.

OP, the venue can only accommodate 20. You want this venue. You made it clear to SIL some while ago that her DP could not be included. End of. The person being unreasonable here is SIL. She knows your numbers are fixed; she knew when you sent out save the dates that her DP wasn’t included. For all you know, she and DP could have broken up before the wedding. Don’t let SIL make you anxious. Your wedding is sorted: you have planned and organised this, and there isn’t room for SIL’s DP. Tell SIL that she knew this and she knows you can’t budge on numbers and that is the situation. The solution is that her DP doesn’t come - so don’t let her make you feel guilty and uncomfortable about this.