No room for sister's partner at our 20 person wedding

[tentatives]

we have a small wedding venue. It's a private house with accommodation for 20 people.

We are having 20 guests.

The problem we/re having is partners. Some poeple are married, others engaged, others dating for 7 months, some living, and some we haven't met.

While some partners we want there others we are inviting out of politeness.

When we sent out save the dates the criteria was either married, together 5 years, engaged, or living together. All the invites were all named so the 20 know theyre invited.

When we found the venue before we got engaged our guest list was 20.

4 months later we got engaged and booked it and DP sister had been dating a man casually for 4 months. We sent out save the dates he wasn't included.

But now it's 1 year later and we're sending out invites. But theres no room for an extra guest.

DP sister is very upset. What do we do?

They'd only been together for a few months when you sent the saves the day. it's only one day I'm sure he'll get over not being there. is he even bothered or is it her?

@tentatives , you've done nothing wrong.

SiL herself told you not to invite her bf at the crucial planning stage, so you didn't. Given her dating history, and his visa situation, no-one could have predicted that they would still be together now.

And even now he doesn't meet your 'partner criteria' (unless they are living together).

There's nobody you want to or can cut, so there's nothing to be done.

It's just one of those things...

She's being very unreasonable then. She shouldn't be putting this on you.

If they stay together you risk causing long term offence! I would try and see if one more could be squeezed in…
Very difficult situ If not possible! If you can’t add one person you will have to say there’s nothing you can do

I hate people who think like this. If you can have 20 guests, you should invite the 20 people you're closest to. Not 10 closest plus partners. That means literally half your guests you're not close to. It's just silly.

Less silly I'd argue than inviting someone she's never met just because they are married to the best man...

SiL's partner doesn't meet your original criteria list even now, does he? It's awkward, but it's her that's making it awkward. She knew the score and has had a year to keep her expectations in check. Just tell her you're really sorry you have no wiggle room, suggest doing something special as a double date, and let her sort her feelings out herself like an adult.

We know the owners so got a great deal and wouldn't want to risk my relationship with them.
So your friends and getting a bargain are more important than family?

When we sent out save the dates the criteria was either married, together 5 years, engaged, or living together

Bloody hell 'criteria'. Seriously Is this a wedding invitation or an insurance application form?

Surely a couple don’t have to go everywhere right and be can do something else that day??

I don't agree with the folks saying that it is bad form to not invite partners. You call who you want to your wedding. I can't stand one of my closest friend's husband. He's an obnoxious twat. No way I'd want him at my wedding. Not the issue you have, but the point I'm making is that people are individuals and don't have to be treated as if they are a package deal for all occasions and in all contexts. Tell your DP's sister to suck it up, your wedding isn't about her.

I feel like I’ve read this wrong, but you found the venue before you were engaged?

She’s agreed to share with your mate. Can’t she have a laugh sans bloke? Honestly…

I would not be inviting someone I've never met!

Who on earth had criteria it is a wedding not a job interview

I don't think it's a big deal, they have only been together a year and the planning was done ages ago.

I don’t think you messed up. You wanted a small wedding and chose a venue accordingly. So be it!

None of you sound particularly bothered about whether she's there.

She already agreed to share a room with some random person. You could try a little for her. It's his sister.

This is utterly ridiculous!

You really think that OP and her fiance should cancel the wedding they have arranged, at a special venue they love, in order to enable the inclusion of SiL's boyfriend, who she specifically told OP NOT to invite at the planning stage.

That's some crazy shit.

Everyone is entitled to have the wedding THEY want.
OP and her fiance want the wedding they have planned. With the guests as per they decided on a year ago.
SiL is behaving very badly by causing an upset over her bf attending. She has 2 choices: come on her own, AS SHE AGREED; or don't come at all.

That's it.

I think it is ridiculous that you have invited partners of cousins/friends, some of who you have never met!, and not once thought that situations of people closest to you may change in the next year and a half.

20 was a limit not a target.

If you won't even ask the owners you are being ridiculous, they may have a limit of 20 because of the accommodation, but if you are happy to arrange an alternative for one couple's accommodation then that may be all it takes.. if you're anxious then get your future husband to ask, it's the least you can do.

Surely just ask them if you can squeeze one more.

X

When I was first with DH, we had been together less than a year when his brother got married. They had a small wedding and I wasn't invited. I wasn't offended, DH went his own, no-one fell out over it. Your sister needs to buck up, buttercup.

I really wouldn't lose any sleep over this. He's a boyfriend of a year, big deal. They'll get over it. The venue is strict on numbers, that's your excuse to her (that your DP should be dealing with her, not you). There's nothing either of you can do, she needs to grow up and get over it.

Re "The double bedrooms can be made into twin. My friend is single and DP sister and her both agreed to share ages ago."

Agree with BaseballBraves
"I would ask the venue of one more person can attend ceremony/meal. Then treat your sister and partner to a hotel stay nearby. Very poor not to invite him. This sort of thing breeds resentment and is not easily forgotten."

I certainly would not expect the single person to share with the sister and her boyfriend, so if sister wants to share with her boyfriend, they need to sleep elsewhere.

Re "so I explained the situation to my friend whose family owns the venue. She didn't offer this solution. I didn't want to ask but gave her every opportunity to offer and she just reiterated that it was a really hard situation."

I think I would speak to the manager. i know you got a good deal but you are still a customer and you will be paying for his meal.