DP has a new female friend he has everything in common with

[Peanutbuttttter]

And I have no intention of saying anything, that's never been an issue in our 3 year relationship, but I feel insecure. It's a woman he's met recently, who I think is a couple of years younger than me (I'm 36)

Me and him do have things in common but he has 2 hobbies I'm not very interested in, equally I have a couple of hobbies he doesn't fancy doing. However we still show an interest and ask about them etc. Just not things we'd do ourselves.
A record store/café type place opened recently and this woman works there. They hit it off and have agreed to do one of their hobbies together (with a few other people) he did invite me and he has never done anything untoward.
Just what makes me feel insecure is that they literally have every single thing in common, those hobbies he does, she does them too, both very into piercings and tattoos, i am but not to the extent they are. Both share the same music taste whereas mine and his has some similarities but differs a little.
We're getting married in a year so surely he wouldn't throw all that away? I found her social media (i know) and she was engaged to a woman previously, so may be gay, but she may be bisexual, it's no guarantee, I don't even know if she's single.
I just worry he might realise he has far more in common with her and she's also his type physically, plus seemingly younger than 36.

Again I've no intention of saying anything and there's nothing I can do, just got to deal with it. I've just heard stories where people were happy or so they thought, then just met that person who made them think otherwise and left for them (someone did this to me in my 20s). Advice on feeling more confident?

You doth protest too much

I’m not protesting at all.

You’re obviously a troll that just hates women.

It’s pathetic.

OP it’s clear that being cheated on in your twenties had affected you really badly. It’s not healthy to be going into a marriage when you have unresolved relationship trauma, or when you have such destabilising feelings of insecurity.

Your partner should be able to make friends with women, even when he is your husband. It’s not going to be a happy marriage for either of you if you can’t accept that.

What do you suppose your male friends would do if you made a pass at them? Suppose you have them round for a totally-platonic dinner and drinks and your DH is out.

You sound like you are desperate to marry and have children with anyone, and he just so happens to be the one you are planning a wedding with.

Is it possible you are projecting your own concerns about whether he is right for you onto his new friendship?

What an utterly miserable way to conduct your life and relationships.

I'm very happy with my life and relationships, thank you very much. I have a deep connection with my DH. He respects me and would never be alone with an unmarried woman.

"Utterly miserable" is the woman whose spouse is out every night with the cool girl with the skull tattoos and nipple piercings.

"He respects me and would never be alone with an unmarried woman."

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

OP can you sit down with your other half and let him know that it’s making you anxious? He may be able to reassure you

If your DH has to be chaperoned to ensure that he doesn't accidentally fall into the vagina of a woman should he find himself solo in her company, you have way more problems than your 'deep connection'.

Far better to leave someone and embark on a new relationship with someone you feel more strongly about than to marry the first person about whom you feel lukewarm and both be unhappy, surely?

Focus on your own social circle and interests.

maybe try to fit him in when you have time to spare.

Absolutely this!!!

I’d rather stay single forever than worry that my DH has no self control that he’ll end up shagging any woman he’s left alone with.

This is bang on.
Nothing wrong with making friends over time through shared interests but if my husband went out to the shops and came back with a new 'friend' who he proceeded to spend a fair amount of time with I would not think it normal. One or both of them has boundary issues if nothing else and I think you are wise to at least keep an eye on the situation.

It's called "being a gentleman". He avoids the appearance of impropriety as much as the impropriety itself.

But nobody living in 2026, outside of some countries I'd be surprised if you wanted to live in, thinks that a man and a woman being alone together is an 'impropriety'.

Britain has gone to the dogs - no disagreement there.

It sounds like the shop woman has poor boundaries and he hasn’t known how to
exercise his own boundaries around them. She’s mirroring him isn’t she, they’re only
superficial samenesses. I’d be saying to my partner he needs to have clear boundaries no matter how all over the place she may be.

So it’s the country’s fault that your DH can’t be trusted not to shag a woman he’s left alone with?

I love my country but I stand by my own morals regardless of what country I live in.

I also would have enough self respect that I’d rather be single than ban my husband from being alone with a woman, knowing that he would cheat on me the second he had chance to.

Maybe just buy him a chastity belt and keep the key if he's that randy?

Reading through your post OP it almost seems like you think it is a foregone conclusion that he is going to cheat and cant imagine any scenario other than that.
What strikes me is that you are not secure enough in your relationship to talk to him about how you feel. You say you wont do that because it makes woman look jealous and cause problems if they speak up.
If this is the right man for you and you are both considering marriage then you should be able to talk to him about anything and he should care enough to reassure you and understand where you are coming from.
It's as if you are saying that he is your last attempt at finding a husband so you wont risk rocking the boat by telling him how you feel. You assume he will find you jealous and clingy rather than him trying to reassure you.

Thats not a way to live and not a good basis for marriage.

You're missing the point. I will never post to MN that I am worried that my husband is messing around with another woman. Look at what this kind of insecurity has done to the poor OP. If her fiance could just act like a gentleman and avoid leching around unmarried young women, then none of this would be an issue.

I know who my husband's friends are. I know the gents from his school, the marina and the local CC, and he knows my ladies from chess, badminton, and Italian. What do you suppose people would say if they heard sailed back into harbour with a load of playboy models on deck, instead of his fat old chums?! That's right - it would be a huge scandal!

so neither of you ever make any new friends - thats it forever just the set group of pre aproved friends

how boring and depressing

Sorry op, I can understand how you feel but truthfully we are only guessing if we say more than you'll have to wait and see.

Absolutely. People here posting as if it’s OK. It is not.