DP has a new female friend he has everything in common with

[Peanutbuttttter]

And I have no intention of saying anything, that's never been an issue in our 3 year relationship, but I feel insecure. It's a woman he's met recently, who I think is a couple of years younger than me (I'm 36)

Me and him do have things in common but he has 2 hobbies I'm not very interested in, equally I have a couple of hobbies he doesn't fancy doing. However we still show an interest and ask about them etc. Just not things we'd do ourselves.
A record store/café type place opened recently and this woman works there. They hit it off and have agreed to do one of their hobbies together (with a few other people) he did invite me and he has never done anything untoward.
Just what makes me feel insecure is that they literally have every single thing in common, those hobbies he does, she does them too, both very into piercings and tattoos, i am but not to the extent they are. Both share the same music taste whereas mine and his has some similarities but differs a little.
We're getting married in a year so surely he wouldn't throw all that away? I found her social media (i know) and she was engaged to a woman previously, so may be gay, but she may be bisexual, it's no guarantee, I don't even know if she's single.
I just worry he might realise he has far more in common with her and she's also his type physically, plus seemingly younger than 36.

Again I've no intention of saying anything and there's nothing I can do, just got to deal with it. I've just heard stories where people were happy or so they thought, then just met that person who made them think otherwise and left for them (someone did this to me in my 20s). Advice on feeling more confident?

op it sounds like you are super anxious about the relationship

what if he leaves me, i'll be so embarassed if the weddings called off, it's tough out there...do you even want to be with him or are you just looking to settle down and get married.
They seem like strange things to think about tbh.

if you guys have kids be prepared to have to do loads of tings seperate cus someone needs to be with the kids and you can't always get a babaysitter for every single thing!

I was in the pub for a quiz with my male friend the other night and we met today for lunch and im going out again with him to a gig sunday - and we have plans to take our 5 year olds to the zoo together in school holidays

we do loads together - and actually i never thought to think it was a big deal or my husband might be concerned about it -

i'd like to do these things with my husband but i can't always at the moment unfortuntely

It sounds to me like he's planning on cheating on you. Have you confronted him about this yet, OP? You must be bold.

You need to seek some therapy. This is not normal.

So you wouldn't marry a guy who.. makes new friends who share the same hobbies as him?
Some of you are so suspicious and cynical!

36! A mere spring chicken. Early 60s here lol.

This is unforgivably naïve. Don't come crying to this website when your man comes home after midnight after "hanging out with his new friends".

And when I say "with", you may choose to pronounce it as "the back of".

laughing I think I'd take that one as a wind up OP.

Honestly, I wouldn't go straight to my fiance to discuss my insecurities. Think about it the other way around. If she had said she had made a male friend who, I dunno, liked jiu jitsu so they're going to a class together, and then her fiance sat down and said that he was really worried about the relationship, and that he knew it was just his nature but he needed reassurance that she wasn't going to cheat with jiu jitsu man, and the unsaid underlying feeling would be that he would much prefer she didn't go to the jiu jitsu class, that would be a red flag right?

I'd much prefer to try and work on my own insecurities, see if I could meet the girl, get comfortable with their dynamic, and try and show her fiancee that she knows he has a good thing and she trusts that he won't blow it. If down the line they start spending more time together, going out drinking or being secretive in any way, THEN I'd be sitting down and saying you were uncomfortable with the relationship.

Christ if my husband knew every spiralling thought that came through my head over the past 20 years he'd have definitely left me. Or had me committed.

Yeah its a bit off.
How do you go from being served in a shop (basic interaction, general chit chat politeness, manners etc) to exchanging numbers and arranging meet ups?

Its one thing to talk about your hobbies in a general conversation, quite another to set up things socially.
Does he have no other mates to do his hobbies with? Does he not spend time with pre established mates?

How is your quality time together? Do you have a good amount of it? Will these new social activities eat into that? I.e are you still a priority?

The biggest thing here though is that you dont feel comfortable talking to him about how you feel.
There is nothing I couldn't talk to my DP about. I know he will always support me and have my back, put me first and try and reassure me if needed. As I would him

Does philosophy baffle you generally?;

Many of our partners have never had a midnight curfew since they left their parent's home...

You sound like a pick me cool girl too 🙄

I know - there are a lot of threads like this one on this website. "My man is spending all of his time with a younger woman with whom he shares all his interests - am I being unreasonable to ask that he doesn't stumble in at 4 a.m. reeking of her perfume?"

thats the thing its trying to get the average person to understand context and your points etc but too offen people just assume you mean x and then they dont consider the bigger picture or your points etc

And this is so so true. Do not just marry this person because you feel like you’re under pressure to do so.
One of my lovely friends was divorced at 35 met the love of her life at 37 and was married with three children by the age of 40 just about.
I nearly cancelled my wedding the week before because he was acting like such a lamb chop
I kept thinking it’s gonna cost me half of 25 grand
The divorce actually cost me nearly 300 grand plus all the loss of income and stress
I wish I could have paid 12 1/2 grand now

but whats the alternative, try to be controling and then potentially encourage him into her arms via being controlling ?

sometimes its damned either way

You ca t live like that, you have to be able to express concerns, if that's used against you that's your sign that person isn't right

Um, I'm saying that many of us do not mind our adult partners coming in at midnight. Controlling.your partner won't stop them leaving or even cheating on you. It makes it all the more likely.

Apart from what's in your head, what's the actual impact on your relationship? Is he spending time with her instead of you, is he giving her more attention than you, is he putting her before you in any way?

If not, she's just a friend and there's nothing more to it than that.

Sneaking back in at midnight is for teens and cheats. Which one is your husband?

Absolutely the best attitude is what will be will be and protect yourself accordingly always assume it’s gonna go Pete Tong and then you’ll be pleasantly surprised if it doesn’t

Why would an adult man have to "sneak" back into his house? He just opens the door with his key

Why would an adult man have to "sneak" back into his house? He just opens the door with his key

Imagine imposing a curfew on your husband 😂

midnight is early to be coming home lolz

Why because I do hobbies that I enjoy rather than only doing ones that you deem suitable for women?

What era do you live in?

All hobbies can be enjoyed both men and women equally.

Either start living in this century or keep your misogynistic remarks to yourself.