DP has a new female friend he has everything in common with

[Peanutbuttttter]

And I have no intention of saying anything, that's never been an issue in our 3 year relationship, but I feel insecure. It's a woman he's met recently, who I think is a couple of years younger than me (I'm 36)

Me and him do have things in common but he has 2 hobbies I'm not very interested in, equally I have a couple of hobbies he doesn't fancy doing. However we still show an interest and ask about them etc. Just not things we'd do ourselves.
A record store/café type place opened recently and this woman works there. They hit it off and have agreed to do one of their hobbies together (with a few other people) he did invite me and he has never done anything untoward.
Just what makes me feel insecure is that they literally have every single thing in common, those hobbies he does, she does them too, both very into piercings and tattoos, i am but not to the extent they are. Both share the same music taste whereas mine and his has some similarities but differs a little.
We're getting married in a year so surely he wouldn't throw all that away? I found her social media (i know) and she was engaged to a woman previously, so may be gay, but she may be bisexual, it's no guarantee, I don't even know if she's single.
I just worry he might realise he has far more in common with her and she's also his type physically, plus seemingly younger than 36.

Again I've no intention of saying anything and there's nothing I can do, just got to deal with it. I've just heard stories where people were happy or so they thought, then just met that person who made them think otherwise and left for them (someone did this to me in my 20s). Advice on feeling more confident?

As ge has invited you to partake, given you no reason to doubt his trustworthiness i am not sure i understand why it is such an issue for you @Peanutbuttttter

My dh does a hobby that is very heavily female weighted. There are a lot of very attractive single ladies there. He has done it since long before I knew him. They go away, share interests, spend time together and it has never once bothered me.

Why is this concerning you so much?

I'm lost.

I wouldn’t like this but it sounds like your relationship is good, it might well be just a friendship. I wouldn’t have a lot of the same interests as DH. Take a deep breath.

You are getting married to this man so you need to be able to talk openly and honestly to him!
Don’t talk ho him while you’re spiralling as that will cause an argument but you need to let him know that you’re uncomfortable with it and why. But also that you’re not going to expect him to stop seeing her but ask him not to hide his contact with her. You can’t let this fester or you will end up blowing up at him and it may well drive him away anyway!

That’s just ridiculous

It's not my take to be honest. It's the take of a youtube channel called Psychacks.

I can't claim credit.

It's true, though. If you really, really love somebody you want what's best for them.
That may involve never seeing them again.
Hopefully it does not, but if it does then you are happy because you love them and someone you love is happy.

How many of us can say that when it comes to adult romantic relationships? I'm sorry but it is rare.
That sort of love is usually only reserved for children.

Let's call relationships for what they are: a transaction of value.
We can love somebody without being in a relationship with them.
And people are often in relationships with people they don't love.
Love may come about after many years together but the two can exist independently of each other.

Dr Orion Taraban (psychacks) is a star.

Not come here to plug his channel. I'm a long-time poster. 😁

He asked you if you wanted to come along with them, I think if he was planning on doing anything he wouldn't have done that.

It sounds like all that has happened is they’ve been making small talk, realised they both enjoy the same hobby, she has said something like “there’s a group of us who meet to do it at this time and place feel free to join” and he’s said “sounds great I’ll invite my partner too.” This wouldn’t bother me. It would bother me if he didn’t invite me to join or didn’t mention the woman who invited him.

Having everything in common is not the most important thing- complementing each others strenghts and weaknesses is far more important.

Idk, Jojo Siwa was a very out and proud lesbian until she got close to Chris Hughes in the Big Brother house 🤷‍♀️

Claimed their friendship grew into a romantic relationship and she ditched her girlfriend to be with him.

In my opninion the best and strongest relationships are with people who have some things in common but not everything as that would be very boring and over the top. Having some interests that are not shared allows people to have a bit of personal space and is more healthy.

Well it doesn't really. He could be the most decent and trustworthy man alive but still fall in love with someone else. It happens. The decent and trustworthy part is just about whether he'd cheat or be honest about it.

Not saying he will fall in love with her OP! But yes, it's difficult. I actually think that the way you're feeling right now, you may benefit from some counselling. You can't live your life being vigilant over this friendship or any other he has in the future. It sounds like you've been through a lot and so this is affecting you more than it might otherwise.

Being in love isn’t just about having things in common. I am a bisexual woman, I technically have more in common with my best friend than my husband. I’d also rather drown than go near my best friends vagina. Not my type at all lol.

If he loved and were happy with me, why would he need to leave for someone else? I don't buy the whole 'decent' thing, even if they pat themselves on the back because nothing physical happened, it's still emotional cheating and scummy.

You can be decent and trustworthy and fall in love with someone else.

Agree with this.
Apart from serial cheats (and there are plenty of them) most people don't plan to fall in love with or have affairs, they just sort of happen.
It very nearly did to me many years ago. Was happy with my DH and not looking for anything but got friendly with a man who took my breath away.
I put an end to the friendship though.

And if he did, and were a decent and trustworthy person, he might still decide to end his relationship with the OP to embark on one with this other woman. It's just not possible to prevent someone falling in love, and I'm not sure anyone would think that marrying the OP after realising he had stronger feelings for someone else was at all a good idea.

I'm not saying this to be a Job's comforter, only to say that there are things we can't prevent, and we need to come to terms with them.

Well I think if you're decent enough you can 'realise' you're attracted to this person and choose to distance yourself or end the friendship because you are supposed to be committed to your fiancé/partner. If you're so easily swayed you can't claim to love your partner. I don't buy all this 'decent and honest' crap because they so graciously waited before shagging. It's still going behind the partner's back.

If it happens it happens
Mn doesnt allow male/ female friendships
My male workmates may make me laugh, chat but I have no desire to look at them as anything but work mates..they know it.

I've worked with men who i found attractive and likely have stuff in common with, I'm friendly but nothing more because I'm happy with my partner. I don't start suddenly spending every minute with them because my partner is my priority and I'm not willing to throw all that away.

I would not like this and I'm sure your husband to be would either if it was the other way around.

But you're marrying the guy and if he's a decent guy then it's reasonable to have a conversation about it. Bottling this up will only get worse as they get more friendly. Even if they still stay friends sharing your insecurities may help but only you know how he will react to this.

If she's a lesbian, or bisexual with a previous engagement to a woman it is HIGHLY unlikely that shes sexually interested in your husband.

I say this with confidence, as I am a lesbian with traditionally male interests and I spend a fair bit of time meeting up with men, both married and single, to pursue our hobbies, and a lot of time online discussing them.

Zero, absolutely ZERO interest in them sexually, and they have none in me (or the other lesbians who are also involved) and everyone gets on well as friends without boundaries ever crossing.

Honestly, when your into a hobby with men its all they talk about and focus on.

I think its easy assume that the hobby is a facade for a cesspool of cheating / flirting but nothing could be further from the truth.
Certainly in my hobby Gillian Anderson could stroll in naked and they might look up for a second before getting back to an argument over whether or not aquaguard beats reverse coil zippers for durability/longevity 😂

Agree

Can you plan plenty of fun things together. Maybe invite her over and get to know her.
I have male friends who I’d never have any intention of running off with but most of them predate my DH.

Don’t just stew on this, it is your life too. Do you have friends and hobbies of your own?

I think your age is a time of change. I am over two decades older and every era brings new ways.
From your description of this woman, I don’t think you need to be concerned. Why don’t you open up a bit and go and meet her?
Don’t go into a marriage with this baggage from the past.
I am very sorry about your friend. Life is cruel but yours sounds like it has the makings of a happy future.

Doing a hobby together isn't 'every spare minute' you sound quite ridiculous with making scenarios up, either trust him or leave.