Can’t quite believe wedding last night

[annoyedatlandlord]

Edited by MNHQ (at request of the OP).

Still reeling from a wedding last night and just need to talk about it.

The grrom and his fiancée threw a traditional wedding in a beautiful location, said their vows in front of all their family and friends, very moving movement.

At the wedding breakfast they sat at their own top table alone and the “groom” stood up announce to the room they had prepared a video for everyone, which had a little surprise in it.

Video starts with photos of their first date, memories from getting together, meeting each other’s families, getting engaged. Next set of photos is the “bride and groom” dressed up at a pretty location - I thought oh lovely they decided to have some professional photos done at some point.

Next photo is them at an alter, then her throwing a bouquet. Text comes on the screen saying they actually got married 2 years ago…surprise!

Stunned silence in the room while everyone processed this. One of each of their friends had attended but other than that they’d kept the secret for 2 years…even from their parents.

Groom's parents paid for this “wedding” we were all at and gave them lots of practical help in the run up. I felt awful for them - they put on a brave face and obviously didn’t want to make a scene but I can’t help but think they must be very hurt?

I have never known anything like this at a wedding before. Thoughts?!

Pair of arseholes who conned money out of their families

Why 7 months before though?
I can understand if you want a humanist ceremony do the legal paperwork day before same as some religions do but the big gap is odd.

Depends on whether you see marriage as a social undertaking or not.

Attention seeking to the extreme.

This. I'd be fuming. We're going to a UK wedding this month and it's costing us £700 just for the accommodation, travel and present. If I found out it was not an actual wedding, I'd be pretty pissed off at the deception. I would not be spending that money for what was essentially a party to celebrate something we weren't invited to.

Accepting money is a fairly big though.
I disagree that they’ve done nothing else wrong. They’ve lied to everyone abput the event. The calculation abput what to wear, whether to stay over, what present to buy, whether to go at all is different for. Wedding v a party. They’ve duped everyone.

LOL!

Did you keep it secret from everyone and make your in laws pay for it knowing it wasn't the proper legal marriage? The poor parents didnt even go to the legal part, they had no idea. At least your mum knew!

Hmm while I think the lie is not on I do wonder if this approach would be better as a tradition? So many couples seem to break up in the first few years after getting married that maybe the marriage vows should be a small affair and then a big wedding party a few years later once it’s clear that the marriage has legs.

Everyone apart from the couple thought this was a wedding, so any drama or pressure would still be there though.

That's a great idea. The parents could film a video to be played after they pass. 'We gave all our money to your siblings already, surprise!!".

why even reveal it. Bet everyone felt a bit cheated. Odd.

You must have a fair amount of money then if you don’t mind spending it under false pretences.

The officiant can’t deceive. We went to a humanist wedding years ago (it was before law changed and I knew the outdoor venue wasn’t legal when we arrived) The celebrant had to say something like we are celebrating today. A and B legally married yesterday but consider today their wedding day.

Were both "weddings" officiated by either a religious minister or a registrar? If so, then they have unwittingly involved the more recent one in committing perjury (swearing under oath that there was no existing commitment or lawful impediment to this marriage). This is a serious, up to the point of criminal, offence and the minister could lose their licence and more. That's why there was a sh~tstorm after the Oprah Winfrey interview in which Harry & Meghan said they'd "actually been married in a private ceremony" before the official chapel ceremony. The Archbishop of Canterbury had to do some serious explaining to confirm he had not perjured himself at Windsor.

If not, then I can still understand why @annoyedatlandlord and the families are deeply hurt. The deceit and unwitting involvement in the false 'wedding' (plus the time and expense incurred) will live long and cast its shadows for years to come.

That would certainly wipe the smugness from their faces 😂

Same.

Many years ago I took a day off work to go wedding dress shopping with a friend. Only to get there and be told that her and her mum and sister had already been shopping and dress was bought and paid for.

this was just a “fun” day for a small group of us to enjoy trying on dresses together, apparently.

i am not a “try on dresses for fun” kind of person. Also, it was quite tiring having to keep up the charade to the shop staff who were desperately trying to make a sale.

Massive, massive waste of my time.

Especially the ones who have paid out for the second “wedding”, not being invited to the first wedding and then paying for the second without realising must have been very hurtful.

If you want a small wedding then fine, have one. If several years later you decide you want a party then great but pay for it yourselves.

But don’t lie about it, and don’t ask friends to lie about it as well, that is an awful thing to do.

I though ott gender reveal parties were about as low as you could get on the performative scale but ‘surprise surprise not a wedding’ parties are really scraping the barrel.

I agree, I dont think this is a haha what are we like eh? moment at all- I think this is cruel. It's basically a fake wedding which is a massive slap in the face to their poor parents who werent there.

It's one thing to decide they want to elope but to then hide it for another 2 years is weird as hell.

Weird! I’ve been to a few weddings that aren’t officially legal, and the paperwork is done a little before or after - couldn’t care less if that’s how it works out. Usually it’s because they want to have the “wedding” eg in their garden. I’ve known people get married completely in secret, again that’s their business.

Waiting two YEARS and then a big pretend wedding and the smug “reveal” is what makes this so weird and rude to the families and the guests. IMO they should have either kept it a secret or told the families quietly before/after. This is just a huge selfish gotcha and I can’t see any reason for the video except to make everyone feel stupid.

but that's different.

This. What a couple of pricks!

They wanted it kept private for 2 years which is fair enough,

but.... they accepted financial help and invited all their friends/family (who may have struggled to attend) under false pretences don't you think @Fakesantancnotreal?

totally agree

I’d be incredibly hurt if one of our kids got married and then didn't tell me for two years, and then let us pay for a ‘fake’ wedding. What an odd way to go on!
I’d be a bit disappointed not to be invited to wedding no 1, but could get over it, but keeping it secret for two years, just why!