Can’t quite believe wedding last night

[annoyedatlandlord]

Edited by MNHQ (at request of the OP).

Still reeling from a wedding last night and just need to talk about it.

The grrom and his fiancée threw a traditional wedding in a beautiful location, said their vows in front of all their family and friends, very moving movement.

At the wedding breakfast they sat at their own top table alone and the “groom” stood up announce to the room they had prepared a video for everyone, which had a little surprise in it.

Video starts with photos of their first date, memories from getting together, meeting each other’s families, getting engaged. Next set of photos is the “bride and groom” dressed up at a pretty location - I thought oh lovely they decided to have some professional photos done at some point.

Next photo is them at an alter, then her throwing a bouquet. Text comes on the screen saying they actually got married 2 years ago…surprise!

Stunned silence in the room while everyone processed this. One of each of their friends had attended but other than that they’d kept the secret for 2 years…even from their parents.

Groom's parents paid for this “wedding” we were all at and gave them lots of practical help in the run up. I felt awful for them - they put on a brave face and obviously didn’t want to make a scene but I can’t help but think they must be very hurt?

I have never known anything like this at a wedding before. Thoughts?!

I think they are absolute twats to pull that trick.

Of course they can get married however they like. Not cool to have others fund and contribute to their additional wedding-for-show.

Self-serving gits.

All I can think is that they wanted the financial protections of marriage immediately in case either of them died waiting for the Wedding date to come round.
Hope it wasn't too large scale if your parents were paying. Do they already own/ share an expensive house?

Each to their own…
But cheeky to accept someone else funding it but maybe they were putting the pressure on for a party.

But if that's the reason, you wouldn't make a big dramatic reveal to everyone!

Who "married " them at the venue it is my understanding that celebrants in England &Wales can't legally marry couples. They can in Scotland.

I would be really hurt and upset yes

It's the lying isn't it

The pretending

And then presumably the bride and groom expected everyone to be ok with it when it was revealed!

I did wonder how no one noticed it wasn’t a proper wedding ceremony (assuming they just had a blessing)

1000% agree. I'd be v. v. disappointed.

The couple are basically saying, "Lying is really important to us. We lie about the most significant events in our lives, to the people we're closest to. We get a kick out of lying and enjoy seeing your faces when we let you know we've fooled you."

(It's not at all like a PP's example of a short-notice civil wedding because someone was dying, followed by the big church wedding at a more convenient time, where the closest family knew.)

That's appalling! Their poor parents, who must have been a) devastated and b) humiliated, after they'd paid for this sham wedding. What a horrendous, selfish thing to do

Wow that's awful for their parents- basically telling them its their money they care about, not the relationship with them.

I've been to one of these!

One of DH's close friends decided to get married on the other side of the world, which meant most of his family and friends couldn't go - health issues over finances, predominantly. As a result they decided the other-side-of-the-world would be the big fancy main wedding; but they'd do the legal ceremony here...

Apart from the vicar alluded to the London ceremony also being a blessing; and how wonderful it was to see them AGAIN... and in the end the groom gave a speech after the ceremony about how they'd actually got married, just the two of them, two years before. The London blessing was on their 2nd anniversary, and the big wedding was 6 months later.

It wasn't a popular move then, either...

I don’t really understand why they’d do that but equally I don’t understand why people would be angry.

no one gets dressed up and spend money on a hotel because they want to see the vows, they do it because they want to celebrate the wedding. Who cares whether it’s the same day or two years after?

Awful. I would feel mugged off if I had spent much money to attend and bought a gift. The poor parents were really ripped off .

I really don’t understand the outrage. I’m a Humanist and wanted my big wedding to be a Humanist ceremony in front of friends and family. Rings exchanged, big dress, reception, disco etc. Unfortunately this is not recognised in England and Wales as a legal ceremony.

Seven months before we had a legal register office wedding, strict legal vows only, no rings exchanged and only my DM and his DD attended. We wore nice clothes but not wedding clothes. Everyone knew.

What are we supposed to do? Not get legally married? Have a big register office wedding that doesn’t allow our beliefs to be recognised?

I literally don’t understand the outrage when people separate their legal wedding from their celebratory wedding.

Was at a wedding recently where it was announced that they got married ages ago, but 'only' at a registry office. It was like a full wedding, tons of money spent on it, but I think parents were in the loop and it was always the intention to do this. No idea who paid for the lovely day we attended. I think I'd be upset if they hadn't mentioned they were already married in the parents' situation.

What you attended yesterday wasn't a wedding. A wedding involves people getting married, legally, and that didn't happen as they were married 2 years before. I know people like to have the intimate ceremony privately and then the big party/celebration but at least own it and be honest about it and why you're doing it.

Deceiving everyone into thinking they are attending a legal marriage, expecting them to travel, buy gifts, stay over in hotels, take time off work is just not on. No wonder there was a stunned silence.

TWO YEARS AGO. Did you read that bit?

It's normal for a couple of have the ceremony in private, and then have the reception with friends and family. Usually on the same day. Almost always within the same month. NEVER two years later.

I would be absolutely fuming if I'd travelled, bought a gift, taken time off work, and sat in an expensive bar all night, only to find that the party was pointless.

Everyone knew.

That's the difference!!!

That's hardly the same as getting your parents to pay for, and help organise a big wedding without mentioning you had got married 2 years ago.

I think people are outraged at the length of time, not the separation of act and celebration.

Wow that’s a dick move. What does DP think about it all?

I did have two weddings. However, my parents and in laws were fully involved and were the only ones to come to both.

Are the happy couple both massive drama llamas, by any chance?

You have answered your own question.

In your situation, everyone knew.

In this situation, they didn't. And it was TWO YEARS AGO.

So why do you "really not understand the outrage"?