Can’t quite believe wedding last night

[annoyedatlandlord]

Edited by MNHQ (at request of the OP).

Still reeling from a wedding last night and just need to talk about it.

The grrom and his fiancée threw a traditional wedding in a beautiful location, said their vows in front of all their family and friends, very moving movement.

At the wedding breakfast they sat at their own top table alone and the “groom” stood up announce to the room they had prepared a video for everyone, which had a little surprise in it.

Video starts with photos of their first date, memories from getting together, meeting each other’s families, getting engaged. Next set of photos is the “bride and groom” dressed up at a pretty location - I thought oh lovely they decided to have some professional photos done at some point.

Next photo is them at an alter, then her throwing a bouquet. Text comes on the screen saying they actually got married 2 years ago…surprise!

Stunned silence in the room while everyone processed this. One of each of their friends had attended but other than that they’d kept the secret for 2 years…even from their parents.

Groom's parents paid for this “wedding” we were all at and gave them lots of practical help in the run up. I felt awful for them - they put on a brave face and obviously didn’t want to make a scene but I can’t help but think they must be very hurt?

I have never known anything like this at a wedding before. Thoughts?!

Eee. Id get it if they got married in COVID or something and then wanted to celebrate with their loved ones...but that is strange

“yes that sounds like fraud by false representation.”

but unless you are prosecuted, that doesn’t actually mean anything.

Dd1 got married under covid restrictions (30 max) and the venue was licensed for weddings. The registrars had some issue with the size of the canopy they were getting married under (I don't remember the exact problem) so whilst everyone was getting seated etc me, dh and dsil's parents went into a room at the venue with dd1 and dsil and they were married there. Dd1 was wearing a raincoat and we all had our masks on. Then we went outside and had the 'proper' wedding- no one knew they'd already gotten married 10 minutes earlier. Pictures were posed 'signing' the register.

It's still a crime

Yes this is quite odd to announce it in that way and for family to be in the dark… I am attending a wedding next year abroad. The couple are getting legally married here in the UK a couple of days before we go as it’s very expensive and complicated to do it over there. I am aware because I am a close family member but the majority of the guests are not aware of this… I wonder if it would have the same outrage as this posts responses if it became apparent on the day.

That is really weird; I mean two years and chose to keep it a secret from everyone including family ( well except two friends). But mainly sat back and let parents scrimp and save for an elaborate wedding then pull that stunt. Personally I would have carried the secret on (well not done that in the first place).

of course you don’t get to decide that 🤣 if found guilty of it in court, then yes they committed a crime. Some random musing from a member of the public means nothing.

As is true of most crimes

Honestly, I'd not have a massive issue with it. Yes, it's a bit weird to keep it a secret that long and to have this 2nd wedding without explaining to anyone in advance- not sure how they thought the announcement would go down.... However, lots of people (look at dua lipa recently - nobody would call their italian affair "fake" but the legal bit was done in the UK) have a small/intimate service and then a proper "wedding wedding" party elsewhere/at another time. I guess they're just doing that but with a longer time lag. I wouldn't see it as any less of a wedding, because a wedding is just a party really. I wouldnt personally see it as "fake" in the way that they've done it, they just waited a while to publicly declare their coupledom and celebrate their union after privately and legally doing it.
I've a bigger issue with "engagement parties" where we dress up and buy a gift to celebrate that they're, in the future, going to have a party for us to dress up for and buy a gift...

had a very similar experience- a full UK to Greece - OH best friend, cost is £3K to be told at reception in fact they had married a year earlier - so very expensive wedding anniversary party, with GUEST footing the bill for a not at home wedding, they thought it in their words ‘something cool and different so they popped to registry office once the Greek wedding was booked’ …… totally get they would have needed to get married legally etc BUT if your spending £3K plus … a heads up they had been married a year would have been nice

What a sneaky, horrible thing to do. Quite creepy actually, they would have lost a lot of trust from everyone doing that.

I went to a friends wedding g 9 years ago. They had found a venue they loved but it wasn’t licensed for marriages so they got married the week before at a registry office and then had a celebrant at the wedding. I understood the reasoning and no one seemed bothered. But, getting married in secret and waiting 2 years for a ‘wedding’ seems very odd!

So what's wrong with that? Plenty of people get married alone and then have a separate wedding later.

Only on mumsnet would a potential crime be needed to make it more serious than offending your parents 🤣

I didnt say that

So weird that you've taken issue with this

Wouldn’t be too fussed as a guest but as a parent who’d paid for it…..I would be quite livid.

How odd! I don’t know what to make of it?! I agree, poor parents! I suppose people do get married abroad then have a party after don’t they so that alone is fine, but why wait 2 years?! And why keep the marriage a secret?! All very strange!

Curious though-was the wedding celebrant in on it? What happened when they signed the register at the second wedding, how does that work if they’re already married?? I agree - they must be very self-obsessed to think this reveal was going to be anything other than devastating for the parents who paid / helped towards the day and everyone else a bit miffed at the efforts??

My ‘best’ friend did something similar… invited us to her engagement party although it turned out to be her after-wedding party. I was really hurt… so were her parents… we missed out on throwing her a hen party, missed out on seeing her getting married. Marriage didn’t even last two years as it turns out.

...and?
There's all manner of legal reasons why people may feel they need to get married at short notice, which is frankly no ones business.
Are people there to celebrate they coupke and their marriage, or to witness a legal agreement.
I honestly think it's weird anyone's annoyed.

Bet it was like tumble weed in that room ! How bloody bizarre and a kick in the teeth for the parents

@annoyedatlandlord

You back anytime soon or are you a "one and done" poster?

Any updates from the family?

it’s super common to get married for various reasons before the big wedding. All of my friends including myself we did that. First wedding was usually either elopement or with extremely close family and friends and then it was the big wedding with everyone.

Is it super common to lie about it to your parents and ask them to pay for your fake wedding? It is not. The parents would be feeling extremely hurt.

The bride and groom got married two years before. So it's highly unlikely that the parental behaviour that you described would have already been seen at that point.