Page 10 | Can’t quite believe wedding last night

annoyedatlandlord · 2026-07-03T11:21:58+00:00

Edited by MNHQ (at request of the OP). Still reeling from a wedding last night and just need to talk about it. The grrom and his fiancée threw a traditional wedding in a beautiful location, said their vows in front of all their family and friends, very moving movement. At the wedding breakfast they sat at their own top table alone and the “groom” stood up announce to the room they had prepared a video for everyone, which had a little surprise in it. Video starts with photos of their first date, memories from getting together, meeting each other’s families, getting engaged. Next set of photos is the “bride and groom” dressed up at a pretty location - I thought oh lovely they decided to have some professional photos done at some point. Next photo is them at an alter, then her throwing a bouquet. Text comes on the screen saying they actually got married 2 years ago…surprise! Stunned silence in the room while everyone processed this. One of each of their friends had attended but other than that they’d kept the secret for 2 years…even from their parents. Groom's parents paid for this “wedding” we were all at and gave them lots of practical help in the run up. I felt awful for them - they put on a brave face and obviously didn’t want to make a scene but I can’t help but think they must be very hurt? I have never known anything like this at a wedding before. Thoughts?!

Amiable123123 · 06/07/2026 07:23

I think this is totally fine. For many people the legalities of a marriage are by the by. A bit like the legalities of registering your baby. Do you remember when you registered your baby? Probably not! But you do remember their birth, their birthday etc. For this couple, doing their vows in from of their friends and family, in a venue of their choosing, is as relevant as any of the legalities. You should be happy that they chose to celebrate this next stage of their relationship with you.

HyggeTygge · 06/07/2026 07:40

Amiable123123 · 06/07/2026 07:23

I think this is totally fine. For many people the legalities of a marriage are by the by. A bit like the legalities of registering your baby. Do you remember when you registered your baby? Probably not! But you do remember their birth, their birthday etc. For this couple, doing their vows in from of their friends and family, in a venue of their choosing, is as relevant as any of the legalities. You should be happy that they chose to celebrate this next stage of their relationship with you.

Why would you lie about it for two years then, if you think it's fine?

That's the bit that's the problem imo. Tell the truth and let people decide if they're fine with coming - I would be, but I'd think it was very weird to lie about it.

purpleme12 · 06/07/2026 07:45

Exactly

And also I absolutely do remember registering my baby

Amiable123123 · 06/07/2026 09:21

HyggeTygge · 06/07/2026 07:40

Why would you lie about it for two years then, if you think it's fine?

That's the bit that's the problem imo. Tell the truth and let people decide if they're fine with coming - I would be, but I'd think it was very weird to lie about it.

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Yeah, that bit is a bit strange - and the way they announced it. Maybe they didn't think the legalities were a big deal. I know I wouldn't! But, then if that's the case why even disclose it all? I just hope everyone had a lovely time and it was worth spending all that money on.

Amiable123123 · 06/07/2026 09:22

purpleme12 · 06/07/2026 07:45

Exactly

And also I absolutely do remember registering my baby

And could you tell me the date? And do you celebrate that date every year?

HyggeTygge · 06/07/2026 09:27

Amiable123123 · 06/07/2026 09:21

Yeah, that bit is a bit strange - and the way they announced it. Maybe they didn't think the legalities were a big deal. I know I wouldn't! But, then if that's the case why even disclose it all? I just hope everyone had a lovely time and it was worth spending all that money on.

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Yeah exactly, they seem to have wanted it 'both ways' but both ways being not great!

So either they think people won't mind - in which case be upfront about it being a "wedding celebration" or something, and people will still get excited about it -
or
they think they might mind, in which case tell them upfront so they can choose not to come
or
think it's not a big deal, keep quiet and don't announce it via a specially made video!?

Amiable123123 · 06/07/2026 09:48

HyggeTygge · 06/07/2026 09:27

Yeah exactly, they seem to have wanted it 'both ways' but both ways being not great!

So either they think people won't mind - in which case be upfront about it being a "wedding celebration" or something, and people will still get excited about it -
or
they think they might mind, in which case tell them upfront so they can choose not to come
or
think it's not a big deal, keep quiet and don't announce it via a specially made video!?

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Totally agree! The principle is fine, but the execution is strange!

NoctuaAthene · 06/07/2026 10:23

HyggeTygge · 06/07/2026 09:27

Yeah exactly, they seem to have wanted it 'both ways' but both ways being not great!

So either they think people won't mind - in which case be upfront about it being a "wedding celebration" or something, and people will still get excited about it -
or
they think they might mind, in which case tell them upfront so they can choose not to come
or
think it's not a big deal, keep quiet and don't announce it via a specially made video!?

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Yes exactly - people saying that they (or people they know) had a private legal wedding for whatever reason (+/- a separate big party, +/- a second, non legally binding ceremony) and it was fine are missing the point.

Of course it's fine to do the legal bit separately, and if you simply want to have a quiet, small legal ceremony and leave it at that or not tell people, cool. But if you are going to have some kind of second event/celebration separate from the legal part, you're usually upfront and honest with at the very least your nearest and dearest who are helping to organise and pay, if not all the guests, about the nature of the event - it may not need to be explicit, in DH's culture their traditional ceremony (which includes both religious and cultural/secular elements from their own tradition) isn't legally valid in the UK so everyone does the legal bit before/after quietly and then their traditional ceremony is what you invite people to come and watch and celebrate, it's all fine, no need for any big announcement or disclosure, no-one is offended or upset. Or if for some reason you don't want to be or can't be honest with people that what they're watching isn't a legally valid wedding, bit more odd but I can imagine valid reasons for it, keep quiet then for the duration.

What's really, really weird and kind of the whole point of the thread, is making a big deal of 'revealing' to everyone in a big gotcha moment that you did the legal part separately, and doing this at the wedding reception itself - for all the people saying it's not the guest's business or it's not a big deal about the legal part, it's the couple themselves who have made it into a big deal, and made it people's business by doing this surely? They must have wanted to make a stir and get people talking by doing the video and 'surprise' announcement. I can only imagine they thought it would be somehow funny but pretty mean spirited sort of fun if you ask me?

PerkingFaintly · 06/07/2026 10:39

NoctuaAthene · 06/07/2026 10:23

Yes exactly - people saying that they (or people they know) had a private legal wedding for whatever reason (+/- a separate big party, +/- a second, non legally binding ceremony) and it was fine are missing the point.

Of course it's fine to do the legal bit separately, and if you simply want to have a quiet, small legal ceremony and leave it at that or not tell people, cool. But if you are going to have some kind of second event/celebration separate from the legal part, you're usually upfront and honest with at the very least your nearest and dearest who are helping to organise and pay, if not all the guests, about the nature of the event - it may not need to be explicit, in DH's culture their traditional ceremony (which includes both religious and cultural/secular elements from their own tradition) isn't legally valid in the UK so everyone does the legal bit before/after quietly and then their traditional ceremony is what you invite people to come and watch and celebrate, it's all fine, no need for any big announcement or disclosure, no-one is offended or upset. Or if for some reason you don't want to be or can't be honest with people that what they're watching isn't a legally valid wedding, bit more odd but I can imagine valid reasons for it, keep quiet then for the duration.

What's really, really weird and kind of the whole point of the thread, is making a big deal of 'revealing' to everyone in a big gotcha moment that you did the legal part separately, and doing this at the wedding reception itself - for all the people saying it's not the guest's business or it's not a big deal about the legal part, it's the couple themselves who have made it into a big deal, and made it people's business by doing this surely? They must have wanted to make a stir and get people talking by doing the video and 'surprise' announcement. I can only imagine they thought it would be somehow funny but pretty mean spirited sort of fun if you ask me?

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You sum it up perfectly, @NoctuaAthene .

RoyGary · 06/07/2026 14:11

Sounds like a complete scam. Straight to small claims court with them for the grooms parents to recover costs!

OldieWoldie · 06/07/2026 14:51

I'd be pretty upset if my child got married without telling me then had the nerve to spend my money on a sham .

FeliciaFancybottom · 06/07/2026 15:31

Amiable123123 · 06/07/2026 07:23

I think this is totally fine. For many people the legalities of a marriage are by the by. A bit like the legalities of registering your baby. Do you remember when you registered your baby? Probably not! But you do remember their birth, their birthday etc. For this couple, doing their vows in from of their friends and family, in a venue of their choosing, is as relevant as any of the legalities. You should be happy that they chose to celebrate this next stage of their relationship with you.

They allowed their parents to pay for a big wedding for them when they'd been married for two years without telling anyone. How are people not getting that? So many tripping over themselves to say this is just like when I did something totally different and nobody minded it's nothing like that.

CopeNorth · 06/07/2026 15:36

We did the ‘legal bit’ before hand, just the two of us. Because where we had the wedding didn’t have a license and we wanted a friend to officiate the ceremony rather than someone we didn’t know. We did tell our immediate family that was the plan, we think of the day with everyone there as our wedding day.

I know a few other people who did it before the law changed on outside weddings, one who had a backyard wedding and another who had a ceremony in a Forrest. They had a family member or celebrant.

I think it’s not unusual for people marrying abroad to do this or to do it quickly if you fall pregnant and do the actual wedding (rather than legal marriage) later. Plus any time a celebrant does the service they’d have to do the legal marriage before.

are people upset because they didn’t know or because of the time between? I can’t say I’d be bothered either way. It’s only their business and you’re there to celebrate them.

CopeNorth · 06/07/2026 15:50

Huckleberries · 03/07/2026 12:53

Are you seriously telling me that the people who paid for the wedding - and I presume paid wedding prices because they stick the prices for everything up if it's a wedding as opposed to a different function - even they didn't know that the couple was already married

That is horrendous

Of course, if you want to keep your wedding private, you can do that

But don't ask somebody to pay for a fake wedding later
And don't invite people on the basis that it's an actual wedding

and all their legal stuff and next of kin would have changed wouldn't they need to tell their parents?

No. I don’t think there’s any legal changes. If you don’t change your name nothing changes after the legal marriage ceremony at the council offices. Nothing you’d need to notify parents about / no next of kin requirements etc.

we did ours about a month before.

HyggeTygge · 06/07/2026 15:58

are people upset because they didn’t know or because of the time between?

It's that the couple lied and said they were invited to (and paying for) a wedding instead of being honest that it was a wedding celebration.

CopeNorth · 06/07/2026 16:04

MyrtleLion · 03/07/2026 13:10

We did not want to pay a lot of money for a legal ceremony and the cheapest legal ceremony was £48 for two witnesses to be held in an office. Despite us living round the corner from a register office, the only way to have the cheapest ceremony was on a Tuesday at either 9am or 9.30am in the nearest big town.

All other options would have meant hiring a room for hundreds of pounds, when we literally wanted the bare legal minimum.

We had to wait a year to have our legal ceremony because the basic legal ceremonies were booked up a year in advance immediately they were released.

We found the venue, we knew that we could book our legal ceremony for February so we asked the venue which dates it had following that date. They had been booked up months in advance and they do other events as well, so they only do about ten weddings a year. We could choose a date in June which clashed with a major work event, or a date in September, and we chose September.

I hope that explains it.

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Yeah - I didn’t think it would be so hard to get one if the £56 appointments! We had to book really far in advance. They had a couple a week available and they went quickly.

I think people think of a registry office wedding as one of the nice rooms you hire. Or the registrar coming to your venue.

not the in and out, 2 witnesses, no other guests, paperwork appointment.

CopeNorth · 06/07/2026 16:08

TimeForTeaAndG · 03/07/2026 13:24

This is so weird. I already think England should allow the same as Scotland so that it is the person performing the ceremony that is licenced rather than the venue. That way you can get married literally anywhere and have a legal ceremony.

I've been to many friend's weddings in England where they've done the legal bit a few days before but then have a friend perform the wedding and it has been lovely, but we all know this is what has happened.

A surprise two years later just feels deceitful.

I know. It’s very restrictive in England. In Scotland I think you can get married anywhere now.

KmcK87 · 06/07/2026 18:09

I’m shocked anyone thinks this is ok? Not once during the wedding planning did they think to mention they were legally married? It’s actually really deceitful, I’d be devastated if one of my children did this.

Sparkletastic · 06/07/2026 19:30

OP never came back to this post then? 🤔

Bigreddog25 · 07/07/2026 19:41

CherryViper · 05/07/2026 16:53

@Bigreddog25

If I was their parent, I would like to know up from before spending money on a "wedding" for people that have been married for two years without telling me.

To a much lesser extent, I might feel a similar way about a gift. As a guest, I probably wouldn't care too much. As a close family member, I might

Feels more like a gotcha than a surprise.

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But they're still having the wedding they've paid for aren't they.

I'd like to know the reason for it.

A couple I know were getting married abroad, so they did the official ceremony in England before hand without telling anyone (as not legal abroad) but then covid hit and the wedding abroad was cancelled. It's been 6 years now and they're finally having their wedding! Most people don't know that they're already married. Is that really a problem??