Can’t quite believe wedding last night

[annoyedatlandlord]

Edited by MNHQ (at request of the OP).

Still reeling from a wedding last night and just need to talk about it.

The grrom and his fiancée threw a traditional wedding in a beautiful location, said their vows in front of all their family and friends, very moving movement.

At the wedding breakfast they sat at their own top table alone and the “groom” stood up announce to the room they had prepared a video for everyone, which had a little surprise in it.

Video starts with photos of their first date, memories from getting together, meeting each other’s families, getting engaged. Next set of photos is the “bride and groom” dressed up at a pretty location - I thought oh lovely they decided to have some professional photos done at some point.

Next photo is them at an alter, then her throwing a bouquet. Text comes on the screen saying they actually got married 2 years ago…surprise!

Stunned silence in the room while everyone processed this. One of each of their friends had attended but other than that they’d kept the secret for 2 years…even from their parents.

Groom's parents paid for this “wedding” we were all at and gave them lots of practical help in the run up. I felt awful for them - they put on a brave face and obviously didn’t want to make a scene but I can’t help but think they must be very hurt?

I have never known anything like this at a wedding before. Thoughts?!

Maybe not if they’d paid for it themselves, but they’ve lied to his parents to get a large sum of money off them. So basically fraud, and the parents are entitled to feel very upset.

You're totally missing the point - that's not what this couple did.

I mean it's definitely a bit weird. Not sure if it's rude or offensive though? I'd just be a bit nonplussed I think.

I literally don’t understand the outrage when people separate their legal wedding from their celebratory wedding.

This is not an issue. Lying about it is. Pretending the legal wedding never happened and the celebration everyone forks out £££ to attend is the real thing.

Awful. How could they take money from the parents? What an awful thing to do

The parents who were duped would care. Friends might just shrug and think it weird and smug of them, but as a parent I would be furious and very hurt at being pranked like that.

I get that a couple might marry in secret and then invite family and friends to a party where all is revealed but to wait TWO years, have parents pay for a ‘wedding’ and only then disclose the truth is plain bonkers! If I were those parents I’d be furious and want recompense!

I actually know a few people who have done this as they needed to be married to qualify for military housing (back then), so it wouldn’t really bother me

That is what is so shocking. Not only did they prank the parents but they sat back and watched them pay for it.

Are you seriously telling me that the people who paid for the wedding - and I presume paid wedding prices because they stick the prices for everything up if it's a wedding as opposed to a different function - even they didn't know that the couple was already married

That is horrendous

Of course, if you want to keep your wedding private, you can do that

But don't ask somebody to pay for a fake wedding later
And don't invite people on the basis that it's an actual wedding

and all their legal stuff and next of kin would have changed wouldn't they need to tell their parents?

If people are expected to spend on a wedding...an outfit, travel, gift, possibly accommodation, annual leave or time off work etc...they should know what they are paying for. They should be made aware of the circumstances so they can make a knowing choice about where their resources are going.
Taking that choice away is what they did wrong.

Pair it idiots. As a parent I’d be really upset. They could have told their families after they got married and arranged a get-together.
What reaction did they expect to get?
Maybe the parents could do a ‘will’ reveal? The one from two years ago where they got a nice chunk and a new one where they get sod all?

Apart from accepting money from their parents, I don’t think there is anything wrong with this. They have just extended the gap between the service and the reception.
I have been to weddings with 2 receptions. I for close family and one for everybody. This was the one for everybody.
I have also been to a wedding where someone had a wedding and reception in their parents back garden. They actually got married legally in a registry office 2 days earlier.

I was the only guest at a relatives wedding with the grooms adult child as the other guest. I kept it a secret (still is) for 6mths. The only difference was the groom was terminal and wanted to be married in case they never made the 'big' wedding. For legalities.
But this is another level! I would be gutted if I was the grooms DPs.
Put it this way.. if my DS said we're already married (and we didn't want you there) but can you help us pay for a huge party... I know exactly what my answer would be. Outrageous. And I don't think relationships will ever recover.

Seems very odd and not surprised it killed the mood.
Did no one notice with the vows.

Why did the people you know keep it a secret, let their parents unknowingly pay for a fake wedding and reveal it on the day though?

I think it would bother me because it would feel like they decided to elope, then regretted not getting presents/honeymoon so got their families to pay for a big wedding. They clearly didn't care about sharing the moment with friends and family... The surprise is quite bizarre though. How did they think people would react?

I personally wouldnt lie if I was accepting money off someone else to throw a party, but seeing how horrifically entitled, rigid thinking and weird people get about weddings when it is even THEIR wedding, I can 100% see why it would be tempting to lie.
For example, I can see how in a stressful family environment where its easier to keep the peace, but you know everyone will be awful if you elope and awful in the planning and awful at the wedding, I can see why you'd get married in secret, just enjoy that as your 'real' wedding and then throw a bash to please everyone else. Its still a lot of money to keep other people happy, but honestly with weddings a lot of people do still feel like couples HAVE to stick to certain rules. Although in this case im so curious why they would fess up at all! Cant wait to hear why...

I think close friends and families do want to see the wedding vows. I know it meant a lot to my dad and he would have been pretty upset if I announced later than I'd been married for two years and hadn't told him - and he didn't even pay for the wedding like this couple's parents did. It's a low act - telling their parents they are good enough when it comes to taking their money but not good enough to share major life events with.

Did these people lie about it and get their parents to pay for what the believed to be the actual wedding years later though?

This just screams main character syndrome

Or the lack of signing any registration paperwork - or maybe they faked that too.

so what - literally couldnt care less

How does this even work though? Did nobody notice them not signing the register, or did they stage a fake signing? I can't imagine an officiant allowing them to do that

You’re ok with deceiving people so they are unknowingly paying for something that isn’t what they think it is? No, that wouldn’t sit right with me. Why the secrecy of your friends? Did they tell their parents before the second celebration?