Can’t quite believe wedding last night

[annoyedatlandlord]

Edited by MNHQ (at request of the OP).

Still reeling from a wedding last night and just need to talk about it.

The grrom and his fiancée threw a traditional wedding in a beautiful location, said their vows in front of all their family and friends, very moving movement.

At the wedding breakfast they sat at their own top table alone and the “groom” stood up announce to the room they had prepared a video for everyone, which had a little surprise in it.

Video starts with photos of their first date, memories from getting together, meeting each other’s families, getting engaged. Next set of photos is the “bride and groom” dressed up at a pretty location - I thought oh lovely they decided to have some professional photos done at some point.

Next photo is them at an alter, then her throwing a bouquet. Text comes on the screen saying they actually got married 2 years ago…surprise!

Stunned silence in the room while everyone processed this. One of each of their friends had attended but other than that they’d kept the secret for 2 years…even from their parents.

Groom's parents paid for this “wedding” we were all at and gave them lots of practical help in the run up. I felt awful for them - they put on a brave face and obviously didn’t want to make a scene but I can’t help but think they must be very hurt?

I have never known anything like this at a wedding before. Thoughts?!

Just comes across as smug. Either have a small intimate wedding or have a big party - don't do the first and then make other people pay for the latter two years later. Lying to everyone for 24 months ain't a good look.

My cousin did this they had married the year bwfore but then had their official church wedding the year after. Noone minded they thought it was quite funny.

I will say herre both aets of parents knew they had married and it was done that way so the grooms terminally ill mother could see them married. However the 3 parents (grooms mother passed) had kept the secret so everyone else thought it was their wedding.

I actually thought it was lovely.

That's unfathomable!!

What a horrible thing to do to the parents on both sides.

Haha, we lied to you and tricked you into paying for our big day...but it's not real!

What a breathtakingly self-centred stunt.

What a waste of everyone's money.

They were married - lovely, all nice and simple - might have upset parents to tell them after the event but, still, their choice.

This was a sham built on exploitation of other people - for their benefit.

That is lovely, but a totally different situation of course.

I think they've probably shot themselves in the feet there.

Did no one ask them why?

Btw this will end up in the tabloids.

🫨

Who started the exodus, or did you all hang around and continue engaging in that farce?

I think if you have your reasons for getting married quietly then that's fair enough. Even then having a celebration afterwards that's a "wedding" is up to them. But why tell everyone? What was the purpose in that? If you've kept the secret for 2 years then why reveal it at all?

I can't imagine anybody being happy to be told that information. Either tell people in advance so they can decide whether or not to go or just never tell them.

Yikes. It’s not even that they did that, it’s revealing it at the ‘wedding’ in that way. What did they think the reaction would be? Delighted surprise?! They don’t seem to have much emotional intelligence.

I feel so bad for their poor parents.

The couple conned them into paying for a big party, not a wedding. Same with the guests and gifts.

Gimmepig scammers.

I'd be done with them.

So what was the general reaction afterwards?

It’s pretty shitty, yes.

There was a thread very recently from a woman who wanted to do this - most posters told her not too and the guests were being conned. She wouldn’t listen.

I think it’s so weird.

I’ve heard of surprise weddings where people don’t realize they are going to a wedding but not a wedding where it turns out not to be a wedding.. if I were the people who’d paid for it who found out at the same time I’d be furious. They basically got the parents to pay for a party. Lied to them. And why? Because people might not come if it wasn’t a wedding and just a celebration party? I know people elope and then have a party (or not) but this seems deceitful for no reason. It costs a fortune to go to a wedding with outfits, hotels, bar prices, a gift. If they wanted to just celebrate then they should have been open

Elope or don't elope, have the actual wedding in private or don't but to marry in secret, fool everyone about what they attended and saw and shared and then give a weird, dramatic reveal like that is so fucking weird as well as horrible.

I've been to a few "weddings" where the couple did the legals earlier, always for very good reasons, but they never lied about it. And why the big reveal? What reaction did they want?

I’d be so annoyed to attend a non wedding event. How bizarre! Why the secrecy? Why did they need the party now?!

Very weird. I’d be well pissed off by the dishonesty.

Holding a celebration of their relationship is fine.
The announcement is bizarre.

(My BIL planned similar... they married quietly in 2019 for visa reasons (working abroad). Was planning a big wedding for 2020/21... which never happened due too obvious reasons. Eventually prople realised they were married)

Cancel the cheque....
Bloody scammers..

Our friends have done this as they wanted their actual wedding to be very small without the drama of their parents and extended family. They then had the wedding that their family believe is the real wedding.

Our friends were right to do what they did as their various family members kicked off at the ‘wedding’, which they knew they would and was the reason they didn’t tell them about the real wedding.

Eta. The families still don’t know that the wedding they attended wasn’t the actual wedding as unlike the couple in the OP, they didn’t tell.

So the parents were deceived into inviting people to a wedding that wasn't a wedding, and made to look like total fools in front of the guests they were paying to host?
If any of my DC did this to me, it would be huge. I hope your family can move past it without too much damage to relationships.
As a person slightly removed, you may find yourself in the middle. Best advice is to listen and sympathise without voicing opinions of your own.

This is having their (wedding) cake and eating it.

A lot of things don’t bother me but that bloody would have if that was my son! I would not be ‘meh’ about it at all. Forking out all that money and experiencing all that excitement for a wedding you thought was your child’s first? I’d have felt pranked whether a parent or a friend. I’m chill, but I’m not that chill!