Am I being massively overprotective, or is this unusual?

[Yellowandgreens]

I was chatting to two different mums recently and it got me wondering whether I’m much more cautious than most parents.

One mum has a 6-year-old DS and told me she let him walk back to school on his own after school because he’d forgotten something, then walk home again afterwards. They only live about an 8-minute walk away, but there are two roads to cross. The same child also cycles around the block with friends and goes a couple of roads away from home.

Another mum told me she left her 7-year-old DS home alone for an hour and a half while she ran some errands.

Obviously every child is different, maturity levels vary, and circumstances aren’t the same for every family. I’m not judging either of these parents at all, but both situations made me feel quite uncomfortable.

I’m nowhere near allowing DS that kind of freedom. I even felt panicky when I had to move my car and he was in the house on his own for less than five minutes. I don’t really like leaving him downstairs by himself for too long in the mornings either if he’s up before us.

He’s an only child, but so are the children I’ve mentioned, which made me wonder whether it’s just me being overprotective.

Am I unusually cautious, or are these things that many parents would also be uncomfortable with?

Yeah both of things are totally unacceptable

I think in most instances its a personal choice of the parents based on their own risk assessment and knowledge of their childs capabilities but I wouldn't be comfortable leaving a child that age home alone, going to the corner shop or to collect a parcel from your neighbours may be fine but not for an hour plus and id possibly report to school safeguarding. My 10yr old plays out in our street and the next street, he sometimes runs home ahead of me and my 7yr old on the school run and has been to the shop etc but I don't even let my 7yr old wait in the car alone for 5 minutes

my eldest is 9 and very sensible, I would not do either

I’d have done neither. 6 is too young g to be crossing roads alone and 7 is too young to be left home alone even for 10 minutes.

when I was 10, my 9 year old friend d who was crossing the road with her 10 year old brother. She was knocked down and sadly died.

im ex fire brigade and know how quickly fires start and spread. I wouldn’t trust a 7 year old home alone. The NSPCC guidance is 12 however I feel that is too long. I’ve left my almost 12 year old home alone for a few hours but would never leave her in charge of her younger siblings for that long (b9, g7).

I feel both are completely irresponsible.

At those ages, no to both those things.

It's threads like this that make me think that a lot of anxiety is inherited.

Are your friends insane?!!! I have a 6 year old (and two older ones for context) there is NO WAY I would be allowing him to walk anywhere on his own, he is never allowed where I can't see him (I even get panicky in soft plays when I lose sight of him - ok this is OTT admittedly).

I would never have left any of my kids at home alone for even one minute until they were old enough to fully understand and function, I don't remember the exact age but it was double digits. In some European countries it is illegal to leave kids home alone under the age of 13, for context!!

You would never ever forgive yourself if something happened. A lot can happen on an 8 minute walk - accidents, abuse.... anything! Same for at home really.

I think your friends are mad.

This. Well said!

I am overprotective too. It’s not that I wouldn’t trust the child, it is other people around them who can pose a risk.

Erm I think like you said it all depends on the individual child and their maturity levels. I do think leaving a child at home to do errands and walking to and from school at 6 are different than worrying about your child being downstairs for too long on their own. The later I think is overthinking and being over cautious but the first two examples I think majority wouldn’t do those xx

I wouldn't have done either of those things at 6/7 years old, are you uk based. I'm pretty sure any child under 8 isn't meant to be left alone at all here. I'd probably pop for 15 mins to grab something at the shop now mine are both over 8. The Nspcc says;
"While every child is different, we wouldn't recommend leaving a child under 12 years old home alone, particularly for longer periods of time.

Children in primary school aged 6-12 are usually too young to walk home from school alone, babysit or cook for themselves without adult supervision.

If you need to leave them home, it's worth considering leaving them at a friend's house, with family or finding some suitable childcare."
I leave my 10 yr old for up to an hour or two and he is hideously sensible.

I don’t consider myself over protective but in both of these examples I think the child is too young. 6 is far too young to walk to and from school across two roads alone. Mine was walking to school at nearly 8 but only one quietish road involved. Playing out with friends, albeit not too far from the house, at same age. I only started leaving her alone in the house for an hour or so to get shopping last year when she was 10.

NSPCC guidance states children are rarely mature enough to be left home alone until 12 years old or to walk home alone until 8 years old.

The fuck? I wouldn’t have done either!

I agree with you Tinterella some of the replies on here amount to neglect. Schools in the London Borough where I live only allow Year 6 upwards to walk to and from school alone. I would never leave a 7 year old home alone. Why would anyone? I do not have autism OCD or anxiety issues.

My mind has actually been blown by so many of these replies.

I’m not super over protective but a six year old crossing numerous roads on their own is questionable and leaving a seven year old for an hour and a half is dangerous.

My 10 year old walks home from school alone once a week, rides her bike out of sight on the way to the park, she can’t play out the front because it’s a busy road but is welcome to at friends houses who live in cul de sacs, and can wander around the village with her scouts group to complete tasks. She’s never currently left in the house on her own but I would have no issue doing so for ten minutes while I popped to the shop or picked her sister up. That’s all reasonable to me but might be too much for others and I know that’s why we shouldn’t judge.

But a seven year old on their own for an hour and a half. Absolutely no way. That’s so long. The thought is giving me heart palpitations. I judge.

No way would I?!! So surprised people saying they would. I thought you weren’t allowed to leave kids that young alone or can you? (ignoring the whole maturity levels thing etc)

Also my kids school doesn’t let them walk home alone until year 5 - I’d be very surprised if other schools are letting them walk home alone earlier than that. Especially key stage 1 children.

All schools around here let them walk to school or back home alone from Year 4.

These are not things I would have felt comfortable with in the UK, but they (and more!) would both be considered very normal in Switzerland. So I think it is probably less about what the child could potentially manage and more what we expect, tbh.

OP please please just trust your judgement. Please only do what you are comfortable with as you know your son, yourself and the situation best. Trust youself, your health conditions don't make you a bad mum (in fact IMO you sound more reasonable than your presumably NT friends)

Your son is still VERY young. If you suspect he is AuDHD, he is likely even younger developmentally than his peers, at least for now. He will probably catch up and I'm sure one day he will be a fully independent boy, but don't rush it. Ignore all the comments about wrapping him in cotton wool, he is a six year old child for gods sake, he needs adult supervision and guidance, when the time is right he can and will do it all by himself. please don't feel pressured into being less 'over protective'. Sending hugs x

I wouldn’t do either, and don’t think for a second that makes a parent overprotective.

There is a time a place for every child’s independence and their parents will
known that best.

I’d say my age limit for both of those is around 10, that’s when I started to do that kind of thing with my kids. And I consider myself to sit pretty much in the middle of normal behaviour.

Same! I am so surprised by the replies and wondering if I’m over protective! But also I’m shocked schools allow it, at my kids school children are banned from walking to or from school alone until year 5. So 9-10 years old.