Am I being massively overprotective, or is this unusual?

[Yellowandgreens]

I was chatting to two different mums recently and it got me wondering whether I’m much more cautious than most parents.

One mum has a 6-year-old DS and told me she let him walk back to school on his own after school because he’d forgotten something, then walk home again afterwards. They only live about an 8-minute walk away, but there are two roads to cross. The same child also cycles around the block with friends and goes a couple of roads away from home.

Another mum told me she left her 7-year-old DS home alone for an hour and a half while she ran some errands.

Obviously every child is different, maturity levels vary, and circumstances aren’t the same for every family. I’m not judging either of these parents at all, but both situations made me feel quite uncomfortable.

I’m nowhere near allowing DS that kind of freedom. I even felt panicky when I had to move my car and he was in the house on his own for less than five minutes. I don’t really like leaving him downstairs by himself for too long in the mornings either if he’s up before us.

He’s an only child, but so are the children I’ve mentioned, which made me wonder whether it’s just me being overprotective.

Am I unusually cautious, or are these things that many parents would also be uncomfortable with?

Well I wouldn’t have done the first, would have done the second.

I wouldn't do either, but I am quite over protective (as I have OCD) so I'm interested if that's normal or not!

Edit for typo

I'd have done the first, depending on the child and how busy and generally safe the area was, but not the second.

I wouldn’t have done the first and the second is longer than I’d feel comfortable with at that age. 10-15 minutes probably fine but I think over an hour would be too much.

@Username19893847477374 that’s interesting as I have ADHD, Autism and OCD and I’m generally very anxious so I wonder if this plays a part. I see danger everywhere. Worried my son will resent me for it, if I’m too overprotective.

I think first sounds okay but not the second, but depends on child, area etc.

I would not have done either OP until they’re older, I have very sensible boys.

Bike thieves are prolific around here, people stealing bikes to fund drugs so that’s a firm no.

I didn’t leave the kids home alone till the older one was 12.

Its not overprotective to not feel comfortable with either of those (for the record I'm fine with both) but getting panicky about less than 5 minutes alone inside does not sound normal, perhaps anxiety?

@Natsku I do have anxiety yes, also OCD, autism and adhd so I’m wondering if that’s why.

Going to depend so much on your child, your neighbourhood etc etc. I've often let my 7 year old cycle home without me when DH is working. No roads to cross in this scenario but even if there were I think he'd handle it. We've been cycling with him on/near roads in a big city since he was 4, but now live in a sleepy village. I think in the next year he'll be going to the playground without me if we can hear that his mates are there.

However I wouldn't leave him home alone for an hour and a half. Think 30 minutes is about the limit right now. Do think it's good to introduce these things in a controlled way, then increase as you both get comfortable with it. Having discussed what to do if there was any kind of emergency (for example we're surrounded by lovely retired neighbours so there's basically always someone home in at least one of the houses in the cul-de-sac if he needed someone). Show them they're capable and have your trust.

I wouldn’t have done either. I think that’s too young for that responsibility. I would do both around age 8 or 9.

Maybe I should start building up in small steps. Perhaps leaving him alone in the house for 15 minutes while I pop to get petrol or something? I always panic about choking or something extreme like that. He is on the waiting list for an AUDHD assessment and can be impulsive and do really silly things.

In many parts of the world both of those would be totally normal - the UK is very backwards in terms of child independence.

I would concentrate what you allow your son to do rather than not, for his independence
i wouldn't have thought a school would have allowed a 6 year old out of school alone, and personally I think it is neglectful and selfish to leave 7 year olds at home for over an hour I don't think that is normal.

I wouldn't have done either OP and I don't have autism etc.
5 minutes yes but an hour and a half at 7 no chance. School - if just down the road yes but 8 minutes and 2 road crossings nope.

Take him with you why would you leave him at home ?

@Lomonald
I was going by the previous replies and felt maybe I was being overprotective.

Honestly you are not,

I wouldn’t do either, there’s a mum on my street that lets her 7 year old walk to school not long ago she was hit by a car walking to school as she’s not road savvy. She still lets her walk to school and guess what? she ran behind my car as I was reversing off the drive this morning!
Some parents just don’t give a shit.

No I wouldn’t have done either of those things, I’m not particularly over protective but my kids would definitely not have been ready at 6/7.

I feel like I'm living in an alternate universe reading some of these replies!

Letting a six year old walk to and from school on their own, crossing two roads? I don't think there's anyone who would allow that where we are (admittedly on outskirts of a big city). Please don't let this make you feel like there's something wrong with your parenting OP!

The second also would be a big no from me and I don't know anyone who would leave their 7 year old on their own for an hour and a half (or at least if I do they don't own up to it!)

That sort of freedom is from around 8, across our family. My eldest GC and my middle DC could have been left, but again, it's from 8. My youngest GC is nearly 9 and wouldn't like being left for more than half an hour. We do needs led parenting, while trying to give independence. I know some other parents in my GC (nearly 9) class don't approve of her going around the corner into school, no roads, just as the class is opening, by herself, but she likes the independence, there is no danger and she is capable.

I think a lot depends on the area you live in.

If it's a rural area with little traffic then the first is OK. I was brought up in a small village and was taking myself to school at that age. However, where we live now I would not have let DD do that so young. She only had to cross a small side road but did have to walk beside a main road. By the time she was about 9 that was fine but certainly not at 6 or 7.

I am slightly shocked at leaving a child that age home alone for 90 minutes. Playing unsupervised in the house or garden while I was around the house maybe, but not completely alone. I don't think my Mum even did that with me back in the 1960s!

Absolutely neither.

And I would have done the first but not the second 🤣

I think there are so many factors. What is the child like, what’s the area like, what’s the home like. I don’t think at 6/7 you are being over protective not allowing these things are there are still genuine reasons at that age. If you are worried about it, maybe think under what circumstances would you allow it? And if those circumstances depend on your child’s knowledge or ability you can work on that. If it’s the area, then maybe you have to wait a few years and reevaluate.