Am I being massively overprotective, or is this unusual?

[Yellowandgreens]

I was chatting to two different mums recently and it got me wondering whether I’m much more cautious than most parents.

One mum has a 6-year-old DS and told me she let him walk back to school on his own after school because he’d forgotten something, then walk home again afterwards. They only live about an 8-minute walk away, but there are two roads to cross. The same child also cycles around the block with friends and goes a couple of roads away from home.

Another mum told me she left her 7-year-old DS home alone for an hour and a half while she ran some errands.

Obviously every child is different, maturity levels vary, and circumstances aren’t the same for every family. I’m not judging either of these parents at all, but both situations made me feel quite uncomfortable.

I’m nowhere near allowing DS that kind of freedom. I even felt panicky when I had to move my car and he was in the house on his own for less than five minutes. I don’t really like leaving him downstairs by himself for too long in the mornings either if he’s up before us.

He’s an only child, but so are the children I’ve mentioned, which made me wonder whether it’s just me being overprotective.

Am I unusually cautious, or are these things that many parents would also be uncomfortable with?

I even felt panicky when I had to move my car and he was in the house on his own for less than five minutes.

At 7 years old this is abnormal so your view of what others do is already coloured.

They're at one extreme, you're at the other. You do need to be careful that your anxiety doesn't smother him.

It really depends on both the area and the child. My brother and I had a lot of freedom and there were never any issues, same for my friends and cousins. We also had a lot of freedom when staying abroad with our uncles (ie we’d come and go from activities by ourselves, change etc). Both areas were small towns and villages (population between 5 and 10k).

I am also very anxious but I personally do think that being panicky for the sake of 5min or him being alone downstairs for a bit is OTT, though.

Forgot to add, DD always had a lot of freedom in my hometown but not in the city where we lived. It’s all about context. She started staying home alone around 11 and no issues, funnily enough only started having problems with that around 13.

At 6 DS cried when I left him for a minute at the bottom of the road while I quickly biked back (maybe 30 metres) to the house to get a forgotten backpack. At 7 he was happily walking a couple of kilometres to school and back alone and now at 8 is very excited to stay home alone. They can change so quickly!
My oldest was doing all these things at 6, but she was much more sensible than DS, who I don't feel comfortable leaving home but have to anyway.

I think it would breaking the law to leave a seven year old home alone. Bet social services don't know this. Personally think six is too young to walk alone to and from school.

If in doubt, ask yourself what the Coroner would say in the event of something happening!!!

I do not think you are over protective in this day and age.

8 would be my age limit for both those things but I think we are massively overprotective these days so I wouldn't judge those Mum's from judging things 6 months to 2 years differently. I am a but worried about the road crossing those - are there crossing points? Are they very quiet roads?

I wouldn’t have done the first until maybe aged 8/9 and a sensible child. The second would depend on the area / crime etc. And the other children present. And again a sensible character.

My oldest could be left alone at age 6. He would play on his Xbox with grandad on his Xbox and not move an inch from where he was sat. If there was any problems, my father in law was on the headset with him. We would leave him for about 30 mins to walk to nursery, pick up his brother and walk back.
My little one is now 8 and I have only recently started leaving him by himself for 10-15 mins max whilst I popped to the shop at the end of the road. I daren’t leave him any longer as he’s a liability. But children mature at different rates and different circumstances help with their growth: for example my oldest only really started going out with his friends in the latter end of year 6 and now is year7. His brother is year 3, but often goes out with him. Different children.

I think that’s too young for both. I hate it when people say “they need to build independence” about very young children doing this kind of thing. There is a way to do that safely and age appropriately. I have 2 teenagers who are perfectly independent and they were not going anywhere alone at 6 or 7.

I'm the wrong person to comment because I used to drive my DS to sixth form every day.. Still get a bit stressed when DS21 and DS23 walk to the Coop on their own😳. The joys of autism.

I wouldn’t do either. People drive like maniacs these days or text at the wheel. They do round here anyway. I can cover alot of ground in 8 minutes.

An hour and a half is too long at that age. To be honest I wouldn’t leave them at all apart from to go in the garden.

I would not have done either and I wasn't an overly protective parent and we lived in a very safe neighbourhood. 7 is simply too young to expect even an advanced child to be fully aware of danger and risk and to make appropriate decisions

YANBU, imo leaving a 7yo at home alone and allowing a 6yo to walk alone to school no matter how far away is bordering on abuse/neglect

I also feel like 6 is really high risk age for getting hit by a car, due to thinking they are independent ahead of their time.

I have a 8 nearly 9 year old DS. No way I would have done the first at 6 years only. Only at 7-8 did I let him go off in front on the walk home (no roads to cross). Its a 5 min walk.
Only now do we let him go around the block at his cousins with his older (13/14 year old) cousin.
We have only left him once for 5 mins in the house on his own between DH needing to leave for an appointment and me getting back with DD from nursery. Even then I didn't like it.
I have only just started letting DS walk from the car into breakfast club without me getting out - it feels weird still.

Yeah, I mean obviously quite a few people think it's ok so I'm not necessarily damning them all but I do think if I saw a 6 year old crossing roads by themselves I'd worry they were lost and would ask them why they were alone.

Nope. Home alone at 7 not acceptable and if something were to happen while you were out you’d potentially be arrested. ( as a police officer I dealt with a 7 year old left home alone who was discovered by a maintenance man attending the address. Mum was arrested - she’d been out shopping )

I would be reporting her to social services

I wouldn't have done either of these but I also have an only child and I am probably ridiculously overprotective. I have only just started leaving her when I go out and she is 14!!! I realised I had to start somewhere otherwise she'd be 18 with no independence or skills!!! She has been getting the bus to school since she was 13 and going out and about more without me so we are getting there. Its a me problem.

It's not breaking the law.

I would definitely leave my 7 Ur old. He is so sensible, knows the rules and he hates running errands so.. shrugs* but no to walking home and crossing roads.

Poor girl.

I don’t think you’re over protective at all.

Is your child about the same age as(6 or 7)? In the UK, it is unusual to allow a child that age to walk to/from school that age by themselves, although I would have happily allowed it in another country. Whether a child stays by themselves or not, and for how long, is very individual. If the child is mature, sensible, knows what to do in an emergency and has a safe place to go if necessary, then I don't see a problem with it.

Unless there are additional needs which present a safety risk, a child spending 5 min alone is not an issue. I think allowing them to spend longer and longer periods of time on their own is something you should work on, to build up their independence and abilities (e.g. start with 5 min whilst you park the car or walk to the end of the street and back; 15 min whilst you go to the corner shop; 30mins whilst you go somewhere else etc).

I let my kid (8) go to the corner shop now and let her go home ahead of me walking or cycling from school (but not vice versa). She's desperate for more independance but it's a gradual process. North London.

I wouldn't have done either, but this has brought up a childhood memory for me that my siblings and I still joke about 50+ years later! We moved across country when we were young. Mum was a single parent with 4 DC - two of us went to the local primary and two to the local nursery. She couldn't be 2 places at once for pickup (we didn't have a car either) so she told the two of us at primary school to find our own way home (we were about 7 and 9 yrs old). We couldn't find the house - didn't even know our address! Ended up back at school and one of the staff found our address on file and drew us a map. Mum was pretty laissez faire - I could write a book.