Feeling embarrassed after in-laws asked me to bring my own treats

[twentie]

I am so embarassed.

When I last went to stay with my in laws in Asia who are very wealthy people, they were very generous and kept saying, order whatever you want. They had an app where you could get pretty much anything delivered in 30 minutes.

I know they use this all day every day, freshly squeezed orange juice, cake, coffee.

They really emphasised they wanted me to use it. They got the bill and I really struggle with food.

So I did. And I ordered a freshly squeezed orange juice and my favourite bar of chocolate each day.

This chocolate costs £4 in the UK so is just a bit too expensive for me to enjoy here and I never buy freshly squeezed orange juice, because again it's too expensive. So this was luxurious.

But in this country the chocolate bar, because it's imported costs £6/7.

I really didn't think they minded as they kept asking if I wanted another one. Wanted me to feel welcome with my home comforts. It was lovely to feel a little bit of luxury, because I have been scrimping a bit at home and I never doubted that they could afford it as they ordered similar for themselves.

Well we're going back next week and I was really looking forward to the orange juice and chocolate.

MIL just message DP asking me to bring my own chocolate because I forgot last time and it was too expensive over there and cheaper here. And she has brought me oranges so I can squeeze my own juice, as it's cheaper.

I just feel so embarrassed. Like they thought I was being cheeky and couldn't tell me. I am mortified and wish I hadn't ordered anything.

But also feel so much less welcome. Why encourage me to use it so much if they thought that?

Also I know it may seem dramatic but I am not looking forward to go as much. Theres never really much for me to eat or drink over there as I really dislike the food they cook as I tend to like plain food. So knowing I can order these little snacks and drinks I really enjoy really perks me up and made my day.

Just a rant really

That’s not elegant and polite that’s pure passive aggressiveness . I’d rather someone said to me straight up don’t order any more chocolate than this

How’s chips healthier than fries?? Isn’t it more or less the same garbage?
whatever country they’re in I’m sure they have some eggs and bread laying around; it wouldn’t have been too hard to ask to make eggs and toast or something- if the chef didn’t want to, you could spend 5 mins in the kitchen. They can’t read your mind on what you like and prefer. You sound like really hard work and made this unnecessarily awkward for you and them.

Of course it's not irrelevant.

When someone is generous enough to let you use their accounts to order yourself whatever you like, you don't take the piss out of them.

I'm not unsympathetic but it's a bit hmm to say you can't eat fries because they are unhealthy but chose to live on juice and chocolate bars for a fortnight, come on! Fried food isn't the most healthy but better than whacking down a load of refined sugar day after day.

You need to choose, do I not go or do I go prepared this time.

‘Hey DP’s mum, really looking forward to next visit, I think now we know what I’m fussier than I realised, it would probably be a good idea for me to get some bits that I know I can eat. I obviously feel bad as you are such a great host and put on amazing spreads, but I’m used to a very British diet so will sort my self out. Last time we didn’t really go to a supermarket but I was thinking that when we arrive we could get a lift to the shops if that’s ok? Looking forward to trying some of your food again, but probably best I have a back up!’

I really don't think your relationship is going to work. You and he have vastly different ideas about money/saving, and now you have this issue with his family/culture. I'd honestly start thinking about a future without him.

the difference is I just don't love fries and they're unhealthy. I love chocolate and it's unhealthy so I at least enjoy it.

my husband and I are a great match. We don't have vastly different ideas. We just don't have alot to work with. It's challenging not earning much. If we earned more then there wouldn't be an issue with his spending.

But they weren’t offering whatever she liked . They should have made it clear what they were actually offering . Bars and orange juice is hardly a huge amount by most people’s standards . If it were me I wouldn’t offer if I was going to make passive aggressive remarks about it after

What. Now. You were doing a bar of chocolate a day and didn’t want to eat junk? ?

And you couldn’t say to your partner do you think the chef could make me a sandwich. Or some toast.

and ar eyou sure they have chefs. Because squeezing your own juices, having to order sandwiches, doesn’t sound like they do.

but not eat junk? You were mainlining it.

I think it would be taking the piss to order breakfast, lunch and dinner, desserts and drinks on it.

They ordered at least two drinks ever day each and often cookies and pastries too. I was in line with what everyone else was spending.

Sure. But that needs to be weighed against the impression you give and cost it incurs. Neither are healthy. One you enjoy but doesn't give the best impression and costs, and the other you don't enjoy but is not a separate cost and is not a rejection. The sense of entitlement comes from your choice of chocolate. I also think your DP really messed this up but it sounds like you were miserable the whole time and it probably seemed that you were rejecting their culture.

But it's not about it being a huge amount.

It's about OP ordering an expensive imported product that she could have brought over herself for less money knowing that her in-laws were footing the bill.

OP even refers to it as a "perk" upthread.

Surely the fries would be more filling though. You said you were hungry.

It comes across as very cheeky to order expensive snacks and turning down a meal.

Even after 33 pages you haven’t explained why you didn’t order healthy ordinary food through the app.

Just giving you back your own stuff. You are not worth the energy of anything else, That is how you have to treat toddlers like yourself with constant tantrums 😂

What did your DP order for himself?

Yeah I’m not sure you were, and none of what you write makes any sense if they had chefs.

look they handled it elegantly, they haven’t complained, they’ve politely made sure it doesn’t continue this visit. So either bring your own chocolate or do without.

on a separate note, I think there is clearly a much bigger issue with food going on in the background.

It doesn’t make any sense at all. If you were genuinely starving chocolate and orange juice is not what you’d spend your money on.

I reckon she ate normally and ordered her “sweet treat perks” on top.

Ok? So you can hold your head up and decide that you didn’t take the piss. But that offer doesn’t extend to the next trip. It doesn’t sound as if you want to change a thing, just want to justify what you spent, even though you now know that they were just being polite, and there not as generous as you though

All the chocolate was imported. It was the only dark chocolate option.

But it's not just about the cost - ordering local food, pastries and snacks is very different to choosing to buy something on their dime that you could have brought over from England yourself in the first place.

It's just not the "done thing" in most circles. You eat the local food or what your hosts prepare, or buy yourself an alternative. You don't make the hosts pay for the alternative - especially when you can provide it yourself but chose not to.

I refuse to believe the only thing you could possibly bring yourself to order and eat was imported dark chocolate from England, OP.

They have a chef and a gardener . I am not rich but I’d have no issue with giving a less well off relative some chocolate as a guest if they couldn’t afford it . I just don’t offer people stuff I cannot afford . To me the notion of an app where you order orange juice is ludicrous in the first instance

@Aluna yes I have. It was too expensive for me to buy if I downloaded the app myself. The in laws didn't explicitly offer meals just snacks