Feeling embarrassed after in-laws asked me to bring my own treats

[twentie]

I am so embarassed.

When I last went to stay with my in laws in Asia who are very wealthy people, they were very generous and kept saying, order whatever you want. They had an app where you could get pretty much anything delivered in 30 minutes.

I know they use this all day every day, freshly squeezed orange juice, cake, coffee.

They really emphasised they wanted me to use it. They got the bill and I really struggle with food.

So I did. And I ordered a freshly squeezed orange juice and my favourite bar of chocolate each day.

This chocolate costs £4 in the UK so is just a bit too expensive for me to enjoy here and I never buy freshly squeezed orange juice, because again it's too expensive. So this was luxurious.

But in this country the chocolate bar, because it's imported costs £6/7.

I really didn't think they minded as they kept asking if I wanted another one. Wanted me to feel welcome with my home comforts. It was lovely to feel a little bit of luxury, because I have been scrimping a bit at home and I never doubted that they could afford it as they ordered similar for themselves.

Well we're going back next week and I was really looking forward to the orange juice and chocolate.

MIL just message DP asking me to bring my own chocolate because I forgot last time and it was too expensive over there and cheaper here. And she has brought me oranges so I can squeeze my own juice, as it's cheaper.

I just feel so embarrassed. Like they thought I was being cheeky and couldn't tell me. I am mortified and wish I hadn't ordered anything.

But also feel so much less welcome. Why encourage me to use it so much if they thought that?

Also I know it may seem dramatic but I am not looking forward to go as much. Theres never really much for me to eat or drink over there as I really dislike the food they cook as I tend to like plain food. So knowing I can order these little snacks and drinks I really enjoy really perks me up and made my day.

Just a rant really

Jesus Christ I’m working class and don’t have a big disposable income but if my daughter in law flew from another country spending £7 a day would not about me especially if I was repeatedly offering. I don’t see what her being unable to afford it for herself has to do with them repeatedly offering and encouraging and her accepting has to do with it. I wouldn’t maybe think it was rude to repeatedly decline when they are ordering stuff for themselves.

You really don't see the issue with someone ordering expensive, imported chocolate on your dime when they could bring it themselves from home for half the price?

Which is fine, but they’re not offering it this time so OP needs to make a plan about how she’s going to feed herself if she’s not able to eat the food they’re providing

I don't think I would go again. Awful of them to offer and then complain about it. Not as if you were ordering a lot. Only once a day.

OP, I'm worse than you, I like very plain food. If I just ate chocolate and orange juice I would have the headache from hell, how are you coping? Is the bakery stuff not better than chocolate? Fruit?

Why is your husband not helping you?

didnt the app have bread and cheese and tomatoes? Or McDonald’s?

You really don't see the issue with a guest in your home going hungry because she can't eat spicy food? While you have chefs who could easily prepare something suitable?

OP why are you even considering going back? You spent your last trip hungry, living on chocolate and OJ. Just sack it, let your partner go and stay at home.

i have a good ftriend whose parents are very wealthy and very generous ( they used to take us for holidays when we were kids for example and cover everything) as an adult they still insist on buying the meals when we meet ( we live in different countries)
i manage to find other ways to treat them back, sometimes I sneak to get the bill first or I bring gifts I think they would like. It’s possible to accept someone’s generosity without taking the piss.
just because someone is richer than you doesn’t mean they should pay for absolutely everything

Not if you are sitting with 200 staff, have chauffeured and order from it daily myself, I’d definitely wouldn’t mind spending it especially if I was not offering another food and it was clear that my daughter in law is not well off and struggling with what food I’m offering. Also they never spend money to visit their son so I wouldn’t think £7 a day is a big deal

She could have ordered a pizza - that’s why they gave her the app

My dad is like this, will insist on paying, but you’d be the perfect guest for him because he won’t tell the person that there’s a limit which then makes him feel taken advantage of.

We went on holiday and my dad paid for everything for both me and my DW and my bro and his family. He told my DB to bring a little bit of spending money, and he did, but they spent it on themselves, arcades and presents for his GFs family to take home. My dad was really upset, he had expected them to pay for a dinner or buy a few rounds. He was happy to pay for everything but also expected a bit of a polite show. They have no concept of manners so they left with £100 worth of rock and fridge magnets lol. It’s stupid to have secret expectations but it’s also common sense to not take the piss when someone’s being so generous

OP, with kindness, your eating sounds very disordered. To be looking forwards to going back because of the high sugar treats is a bit odd if you were starving all the time...

Did you share the chocolate? If you didn't maybe they thought that ordering treats like that daily for yourself and not sharing was rude.

I get that they live in the sticks but presumably there are taxis there, or supermarkets do deliveries - it can't be impossible to take some ownership of feeding yourself.

I think you need to woman up and handle this in an adult way - if you are thinking of having a child together the ILs will be in your life long term.

Blimey - is this thread STILL going??

OP - you need to grow up, stop being a wet lettuce and take charge of the situation to make sure that there is food (not chocolate and OJ) to see you through your visit!

Lots of sensible suggestions so far - take some shelf stable groceries with you, make a list of plain versions of the food they tend to present you with. Hell, if language really IS a problem (despite Google Translate existing) print off a sheet of pictures of food you could reasonably request.
And if they say 'order off the app' again then FGS order something that resembles a meal rather than endless junk food.

Personally I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who didn't help me find a way through this with his parents, but that's a different discussion!

Oh behave.

Exactly. You did exactly as they encouraged you to do, then made you feel bad about it. I'm sorry this happened OP. I think they have treated you badly. A few chocolate bars and some orange juice and they are finding an issue. They don't sound great.
I wouldn't waste money on a ticket over there. It's not worth the hassle it they are going tobe petty. You will always be wondering what they really think because they don't say what they mean. Life is too short.

OP was offered chips, she turned them down because it was "unhealthy".
OP was offered access to an app from which she could order anything she wanted yet she only decided to buy imported chocolate and fruit juice.

If a guest of mine wouldn't eat the food I'd prepared and then only ordered themselves imported chocolate on my card, I'd think they were incredibly rude.

Agree. They probably feel you are a taker. Just because they are rich doesn't mean they want to pay for all your treats every visit. Did you thank them? Buy them anything back?

You sound like a child getting a little treat and juice at your grandparents house. That is embarassing. Save up for your own treats like an adult.

Did you get constipated just eating chocolate, OP? @twentie

Read the bloody thread! She brought gifts and took them out for dinner

I would imagine the orange juice helped with that

In all fairness, you've explained yourself about a hundred times, OP. People just don't want to listen, seemingly!

If I were you I'd make sure DH understands just how difficult the last visit was for you and how much you are dreading the next one, especially with this latest awkward develipment, and ask him how he'd feel about going without you.

Exactly so. It’s fine for someone, such as dad in this examole, or the in laws, to be generous hosts. It’s lovely. But the rule is RECIPROCITY. As an act of grace one doesn’t take, take, take, and never give anything. Even if all you can give is profuse thanks and a bunch of flowers.

Your DH really needs to talk to his parents beforehand about the kind of food you can eat, and if they want you to come, they should arrange for their staff to offer you things you can eat. If they don’t want to do that then I’d skip the visit because it sounds uncomfortable and weird for everyone if you’re not eating any of the food on offer.

Do you even understand what anger is? 😂

You are even more clueless than I thought you were already. Maybe check out some breathing techniques 😂

😂

He would rather encourage OP to order off the app.