Feeling embarrassed after in-laws asked me to bring my own treats

[twentie]

I am so embarassed.

When I last went to stay with my in laws in Asia who are very wealthy people, they were very generous and kept saying, order whatever you want. They had an app where you could get pretty much anything delivered in 30 minutes.

I know they use this all day every day, freshly squeezed orange juice, cake, coffee.

They really emphasised they wanted me to use it. They got the bill and I really struggle with food.

So I did. And I ordered a freshly squeezed orange juice and my favourite bar of chocolate each day.

This chocolate costs £4 in the UK so is just a bit too expensive for me to enjoy here and I never buy freshly squeezed orange juice, because again it's too expensive. So this was luxurious.

But in this country the chocolate bar, because it's imported costs £6/7.

I really didn't think they minded as they kept asking if I wanted another one. Wanted me to feel welcome with my home comforts. It was lovely to feel a little bit of luxury, because I have been scrimping a bit at home and I never doubted that they could afford it as they ordered similar for themselves.

Well we're going back next week and I was really looking forward to the orange juice and chocolate.

MIL just message DP asking me to bring my own chocolate because I forgot last time and it was too expensive over there and cheaper here. And she has brought me oranges so I can squeeze my own juice, as it's cheaper.

I just feel so embarrassed. Like they thought I was being cheeky and couldn't tell me. I am mortified and wish I hadn't ordered anything.

But also feel so much less welcome. Why encourage me to use it so much if they thought that?

Also I know it may seem dramatic but I am not looking forward to go as much. Theres never really much for me to eat or drink over there as I really dislike the food they cook as I tend to like plain food. So knowing I can order these little snacks and drinks I really enjoy really perks me up and made my day.

Just a rant really

How old are you? How old is your boyfriend?

Sometimes we misread intent, especially if we feel embarrassed. That’s part of the point of AIBU, to check out our perceptions and to see if there’s another way of looking at things.

I think because I knew what to expect this time and knew the chocolate and orange juice were such a perk that I was looking forward to them.

DP isn't on the same page with me about saving. I would like to buy. He is similar financial situation but more relaxed. So he says we should just order meals for me on my app now, but it's hundreds of pounds, I would rather starve.

We don’t actually know that the parents were unhappy about it, they could just be sensible and thought, ‘wow, DS’s Silent non eater girlfriend really loves orange juice, we’ll get lots of fresh oranges in when she comes to stay! She really likes Tony’s chocoloney as well but as that’s a UK brand which costs a fuck tonne more money here, it makes sense to just bring it with her!

I agree that the partner is being useless though.

If the OP doesn’t like the food, was at starvation point last time and the only thing she was looking forward to was ordering orange juice and imported chocolate, she may as well stay at home.

I wouldn't be in a rush to have a child with or buy property with someone that can't figure out how to go to the local shops (in his home country),to buy their partner something to eat while staying in a foreign country. Why on earth didn't you reply when he said order on the app....I bloody can't lets go to the shop and buy things ffs.
You both sound around 12.

I totally agree. It's very fake. No one is fooled by their sly comment about OP forgetting to bring her own chocolate.

I can't imagine hosting and ordering myself juices, coffees and cakes from an app all day and every day but being annoyed my guest took up my offer for them to do the same.

It’s a perk because someone else is paying for something you wouldn’t pay for yourself. That is the CF part.

I don't know, I think.
OP genuinely thought they were nice and generous people. They were nice and generous, buying her £7 chocolate and fresh orange juice every day, along with all the other food they offered. So why does she now put the text down to cruelty rather than practicality?

This is in my opinion a really bizarre attitude to have. Am I correct in thinking that this is in India and the problem is the spicy food? Because I can’t really eat spicy food anymore and my eldest child is very fussy think clinically fussy and we have been to India and the people we dealt with are so very considered and pointing to things on the menu that aren’t spicy (for me) and with no sauce (for my eldest). It’s a different culture that you are married into and in my opinion (maybe im wrong) you are coming across as resistant and combative. Embrace it and try it. Just say can I have it not spicy please.

Can’t your husband tell them that of course you will bring your own treats but that you can’t cope with the spicy food and could they please make some plain rice, fruit etc available, nothing expensive just some stuff you can eat?

Are you actually married? Do you want to be in a relationship?

The whole idea of them being a perk is because you don't buy them due to the cost, but that's why you need to reflect that makes it cheeky to expect of others.

I think it's a good idea to take your own if the only thing you are possibly going to eat is the chocolate.
A more sensible view would be to have a grown up discussion beforehand. Explain the spice situation. Say you like chicken and rice but no sauce or spices.

This situation isn't the that's unfamiliar to me having lived in the Far East.
I used to say 'only a little chilli' when ordering in restaurants and quickly learned that even a little was too much. So I had to say 'no chilli' if I wanted very little.
The only way to manage this is as follows:
Your DP needs to email them stating that you love visiting them but that you are intolerant to spicy food. Describing this as an intolerance is, I think, the most polite way of dealing with this to avoid them feeling insulted, or as though you are critical of their food/culture.
You need to take some packets of pasta, plain noodles and bread with you. They will have plain rice.
Basically you've got to be blunt-
As least as blunt as they've been!
Many kitchens with this family set up are absolutely no-go areas. Staff can be VERY put out if you start trying to prepare your own meals. They will feel that this suggests they aren't doing their jobs properly. Chefs can be very territorial about their kitchens!

Money can’t buy class. These constant deliveries are obscene and the height of laziness.

Exactly!

You have access to an app that can deliver basically anything, yet you deliberately chose overpriced chocolate and expensive fresh juice, while turning down even basic foods like chips.

It's a cultural thing. It's really common in many Asian countries to eat out or get food delivered the vast majority of the time - it's often cheaper than eating at home.

What country is this?

why do your in laws order coffee etc from an app, when they have an industrial kitchen full of staff?

Please for the love of god at least read OP’s posts before commenting!

She has explained the spice situation. She has tried the food they are eating. Meals get presented to her as not too spicy and she still finds them too hot

is this the case in a family with their own kitchen staff? Sounds like a fairly large domestic kitchen operation.

But she also refused chips on the grounds that they're unhealthy, yet ordered and ate super expensive chocolate. Unless she's going to announce some kind of potato allergy, it's taking the piss.

Yes it sounds like she is a fussy eater. A good host would still make an effort to ask what she liked and make it available to her

I'm honestly not sure, I just know the app ordering is really common.

Maybe her DP shouldn't have encouraged her to order then.

And they made an app with tons of food available to her everyday, yet she continually chose expensive imported chocolate and orange juice instead of, y'know, actual food.

Your insistence on blaming the bloke is getting boring now. OP is an adult who can make her own choices, she doesn't need permission from a man

Because she said she felt awkward ordering full meals on the app