Feeling embarrassed after in-laws asked me to bring my own treats

[twentie]

I am so embarassed.

When I last went to stay with my in laws in Asia who are very wealthy people, they were very generous and kept saying, order whatever you want. They had an app where you could get pretty much anything delivered in 30 minutes.

I know they use this all day every day, freshly squeezed orange juice, cake, coffee.

They really emphasised they wanted me to use it. They got the bill and I really struggle with food.

So I did. And I ordered a freshly squeezed orange juice and my favourite bar of chocolate each day.

This chocolate costs £4 in the UK so is just a bit too expensive for me to enjoy here and I never buy freshly squeezed orange juice, because again it's too expensive. So this was luxurious.

But in this country the chocolate bar, because it's imported costs £6/7.

I really didn't think they minded as they kept asking if I wanted another one. Wanted me to feel welcome with my home comforts. It was lovely to feel a little bit of luxury, because I have been scrimping a bit at home and I never doubted that they could afford it as they ordered similar for themselves.

Well we're going back next week and I was really looking forward to the orange juice and chocolate.

MIL just message DP asking me to bring my own chocolate because I forgot last time and it was too expensive over there and cheaper here. And she has brought me oranges so I can squeeze my own juice, as it's cheaper.

I just feel so embarrassed. Like they thought I was being cheeky and couldn't tell me. I am mortified and wish I hadn't ordered anything.

But also feel so much less welcome. Why encourage me to use it so much if they thought that?

Also I know it may seem dramatic but I am not looking forward to go as much. Theres never really much for me to eat or drink over there as I really dislike the food they cook as I tend to like plain food. So knowing I can order these little snacks and drinks I really enjoy really perks me up and made my day.

Just a rant really

Do a supermarket trip when you are there. There must be a local transport service.

You can’t walk to or get any sort of bus or taxi to a food shop? You couldn’t have asked to borrow one of their drivers for half an hour?

This is becoming more and more incredulous.

I think you should stay at home and let your partner go alone. Maybe use the gained time to do some more freelance work to build your finances up a bit.

But I, and lots of others, think she has read the intent wrong. That's the basis of our replies.

They were only offering a snack and oftentimes when you are overseas you need your bank card to be registered to an address in that country to open account with that app, so she couldnt order on anything other than their account.

PayPal, Apple Pay and Google Pay are global.

@twentie

How old are you, OP?

You give the impression of being quite young.

OP, you need a plain food plan - your husband needs to broker something.

He should ask that the staff make sure there is plain fruit, rice, yoghurt, cheese, Western bread etc in - affordable food that it is impossible to get wrong.

If there is none, then book a car for one day and go to the supermarket.

This is solvable! And surely you realise that a bar of chocolate a day and glass of orange juice just wouldn't have worked.

Why do you think I am taking it personally? Are you new to forums? Maybe you are not very good at understanding how forums work.

Three ADULTS told and encouraged OP to keep ordering. They should act like adults and use their mouths if they do not want her to order.

You'll note the word ADULTS there.

If OP had acted like an ADULT there would be no orders, no thread.

My experience is people see it differently. I have had family on my husbands side come and stay with me and they not once paid for anything. I have also had family (also on my husband’s side) also wanting to pay for everything. I have also stayed with my sister in law’s family in the Philippines at the time her and my brother were getting married and it was really hard for them to take our money. We had to leave it in an envelope in the room we stayed in and dash to the airport. So maybe the expression “cultural thing” might have been used wrongly but my experience is it widely varies from how people see it. But personally am not happy about anyone paying for me.

edited to add: even the concept of expensive chocolate varies for people. I personally don’t think £7 is that expensive for chocolate.

But she could have easily ordered a more substantial, healthy snack than bars of expensive chocolate.

Western bread is also very expensive in Asia so avocado on toast would be a bad ask given their clear views on spending money.

Im assuming you are 21 or something and just haven't got much life experience.

Your DP probably needs to help manage the food thing with his parents / the chefs as you are unable to communicate clearly /directly

@twentie cannot handle spice.
Can they do plain chicken plain rice plain noodles / plain salad / an omelette please?

As a fully functioning adult I'd have just said I am so sorry I just cant handle spice it upsets my stomach if its inconvenient for the chefs ill order from the app.
Then I'd download it and use a monzo / revolution bank card....because i am an adult.

separately if you turned up at my house and decided to subsist on a deluxe chocolate bar and fresh OJ (ie pure sugar) with no explanation i'd find it fairly bizarre. As those are nutritionally poor with incredibly low satiety and lets be real there were a thousand other options open to you....

How is this thread still going... I kinda think it cant be real. It just circular at this point.

Its giving the same vibes as the woman that's desperate to wear a cream dress to her db and sils wedding because shes a nutter who somehow managed to spin that nonsense into 2 threads by repeating herself and ignoring constructive advice.

They weren’t only offering a snack-they offered meals on the app but the OP lied about how hungry she was and chose to order a load of chocolate instead (despite only eating healthy food 😂). I bet if she had ordered a sandwich/wrap/bagel/soup on the app, they would have been thrilled.

She then said what she was really looking forward to on returning to the country, was the special chocolate and orange!

Exactly! But my children know better than to be this rude. Even my food averse neurodiverse child…!

Sorry it’s just ignorance at best.

Personally I don’t think this thread is real. I think it’s a bored journalist on a slow weekend. The OP just keeps repeating the same things, and I truly don’t believe anyone could have a partner with a different background and be surprised the food is different! Like does he only eat avocado on toast too? 🤪

It’s just jokes.

… can’t go to local Tesco’s and app shopping is normal there plus app shopping / delivery always gonna cos more. I think they set you up and now are putting you in your (pecking order) place

I find it very difficult to believe that in the whole time you were on holiday there, you didn’t once say to your partner that you didn’t like the food and were really hungry?

Are you a teenager? Do you have communication or learning difficulties?

It may be less about the ordering and more about how she acted when she was there.

If she had a generally poor and standoffish attitude whilst there, and failed to reciprocate their generosity even in a small way, then it’s hardly going to endear her to her in laws and make them want to provide more than they already are by hosting in the first place.

Nobody seems to communicate well or properly. Everyone encouraged OP to order from the app but were not happy about it. The in laws do not talk to their own son at the time when all the ordering was talking place. The DP does not talk to his wife or explain the cultural aspects.

It seems not. The in laws even order a juice or a coffee (for themselves) rather than get it themselves.

Ok so I ask you, how do you know the intent? Better than OP who knows the people involved?

Maybe different social conventions and expectations… I do tell babysitters to order something while they work for me and I foot the bill, but - so far - all babysitters somehow understood that ‘order what you like’ is something between a £8 Pret delivery and a £15 Chinese takeaway. I’d not be impressed if a babysitter orders a £250 Michelin meal, even though I say ‘order what you like’.

And your DP is so painfully thick that he thinks someone can live off 1 chocolate bar a day and not be hungry? Why were you looking foward to doing the same again this time when you say you were so hungry and like to eat healthy, rather than planning on packing proper food to eat? This isn't adding up.

This is a difficulty with a lot of threads on MN, people guess at intent and usually in a negative way. e.g. Your DIL did this to deliberately wind you up, your MIL did this because she disapproves of you, your sister is jealous and did this to humiliate you etc.
Sometimes it feeds in to the OP’s negative assumptions.
We can’t read other people’s minds and while the assumption may be correct it’s often best to assume initially that the other party is being reasonable and, in this case, the in-laws are just pointing out that the chocolate is much less expensive if you take it with you.
I wouldn’t order from the app next time you visit though.

their home wasn't a restaurant I didn't feel it appropriate to request a different meal to what was being offered and didn't know how rude that was.

DP and I did talk but his solution was me ordering meals through their app which was uncomfortable for me as they didn't suggest meals.

because I am in a different culture I didn't feel I had many options. It's also embarrassing when you don't have a lot of money and it reduces options.

We did go out for meals but they were all their local cuisine so I had the same problem there.

It’s quite telling that you won’t treat yourself to the £4 chocolate in the Uk but more than happy to charge £7 to them