Feeling embarrassed after in-laws asked me to bring my own treats

[twentie]

I am so embarassed.

When I last went to stay with my in laws in Asia who are very wealthy people, they were very generous and kept saying, order whatever you want. They had an app where you could get pretty much anything delivered in 30 minutes.

I know they use this all day every day, freshly squeezed orange juice, cake, coffee.

They really emphasised they wanted me to use it. They got the bill and I really struggle with food.

So I did. And I ordered a freshly squeezed orange juice and my favourite bar of chocolate each day.

This chocolate costs £4 in the UK so is just a bit too expensive for me to enjoy here and I never buy freshly squeezed orange juice, because again it's too expensive. So this was luxurious.

But in this country the chocolate bar, because it's imported costs £6/7.

I really didn't think they minded as they kept asking if I wanted another one. Wanted me to feel welcome with my home comforts. It was lovely to feel a little bit of luxury, because I have been scrimping a bit at home and I never doubted that they could afford it as they ordered similar for themselves.

Well we're going back next week and I was really looking forward to the orange juice and chocolate.

MIL just message DP asking me to bring my own chocolate because I forgot last time and it was too expensive over there and cheaper here. And she has brought me oranges so I can squeeze my own juice, as it's cheaper.

I just feel so embarrassed. Like they thought I was being cheeky and couldn't tell me. I am mortified and wish I hadn't ordered anything.

But also feel so much less welcome. Why encourage me to use it so much if they thought that?

Also I know it may seem dramatic but I am not looking forward to go as much. Theres never really much for me to eat or drink over there as I really dislike the food they cook as I tend to like plain food. So knowing I can order these little snacks and drinks I really enjoy really perks me up and made my day.

Just a rant really

How long did you stay there?

Didn’t you go to a shop? You could have bought some nutritious snacks-fruit etc for which wouldn’t have needed to use the kitchen?!

I don’t think that’s a cultural thing I think it’s manners thing.

Is there a culture in which using other people’s money to buy expensive chocolate on a daily basis not rude? I can’t think of one.

You’re being disingenuous. The point of the message from the in laws was to make OP feel
bad for using the app

I think the most puzzling part of this thread for me is trying to imagine a scenario where people are sitting around at home all day ordering snacks from an app whenever they feel like one.

I mean, I’m partial to a Deliveroo occasionally, but who sits around all day just ordering every single thing from an app? The door would never stop going. Do they not do shopping like normal people and buy things in for snacks? I’m really finding this whole thing a bit weird.

How do you know the intent?

DP has a more parent teacher relationship with his parents. They ask about his job a lot and current affairs. He was bought up by a nanny who prepared all his food when he was back at the home.

I couldn't afford the chocolate so I was feeling desperate too. Either I accepted the chocolate that DP and them were insisting me to do, or I was really grumpy and miserable due to such little food. So I accepted.

1000% this

Could you not leave the house to buy food or eat separately? Even get some snacks to keep in your room? Were they glued to your side the whole time?

This is the intent that OP has taken from it and that forms the basis for the thread

no we didn't go to a super market, we were always directed to the app.

You still haven’t explained why you didn’t buy more sensible food on the app or in the shops if you were “starving”. And why orange juice? That’s hardly filling.

Rubbish!

You are making out that this was a choice between starvation or imported chocolate at someone else’s expense.

There are shops in <insert country> that will have sold fruit/bread/crackers. You and your DH could have gone to one.

No, it was to tell her to bring her own chocolate next time instead of expecting them to pay inflated prices - which is a perfectly reasonable and normal thing to request.

I think you are making their request a bigger deal than it actually is.

If they regularly use the app as you state, its not about the money(and you do sound like you think you are entitled to be treated, when in fact they clearly do so), its the fact that they noticed you only ordered the same 2 items everyday. I doubt they would have said anything if you actually had some variety.

They have recognised that you like orange juice and are ensuring they have plenty of oranges for you. It makes sense for you to buy the chocolate here because of the significant price difference.

If you had ordered different things on the app I doubt they would have said anything.

I think the main issue here is your unwillingness to try different food because of wanting to know the ingredients and "being very healthy", yet you had chocolate daily?.

You also come across in your posts as someone who has disordered eating habits, or is a bit ignorant and biased about food from different cultures. I find it hard to believe that there was no fruit, veg, plain rice/noodles/flat breads/roti to eat for the time you were there.

Did they hold you hostage so you couldn’t leave the house for the entire duration? Are you normally so passive?!

Are there no restaurants nearby? This whole thing is just weird and gets more so each time you post.

If I were you, I’d probably not go back as it all sounds a bit of a tense affair. Also, I’m sorry but if you can’t afford a few bars of chocolate to bring with you when you’ve already paid for flights, then you probably shouldn’t be going.

The whole situation just sounds odd and strange from all sides with a lot of cultural misunderstandings and differences at play, but I can’t get over the fact that you go on about how fussy you are healthy you like to eat, yet you needed a bar of chocolate because you crave sugar when hungry. Maybe get your bloodwork done because that’s not normal.

Did you live on chocolate the entire time?

So why not use the app to buy food you would eat, not just expensive chocolate?

So if we wanted food of our own, we would have needed to download the app. It's expensive and for the wealthier people. They live in a wealthy neighbourhood with alot of privacy and green spaces. You can't walk to anything other than a walk for enjoyment. There is no supermarket to walk to nearby. The drivers were on standby for the in laws only for business, they never offered them to us but told us she should hire a driver for the week which was about £150. Too expensive.

Oh ffs it’s just a bit of chocolate and orange juice . It’s not like the op was ordering steaks and champagne every day. It was rude of the MIL. Don’t blame you for being annoyed op if it were me I would expect my husband to stick up for me especially since you are paying for flights to see HIS family and can’t even afford a bit of chocolate to eat at home

Why weren't you preparing better this time (eg by bringing healthy snacks) so you didn't end up eating this chocolate bar every day, especially when you are so health conscious?
You said you were really looking forward to ordering this chocolate bar again every day.

On one hand you are making out you only ordered it because it was the only thing you recognised and actually you were hungry and miserable, on the other hand you say were looking forward to the same luxurious experience.

Which country is it @twentie?

Expensive, imported chocolate that's double the price OP would pay at home.

That makes no sense. You had access to the same app as they did, so why did you only use it to buy imported chocolate and orange juice? Why not get an actual meal?

Please can people at least read OP’s posts rather than asking the same questions over and over again

This is rich people behaviour - isolated in a big house so OP could only use the app for food, encouraging her to order a treat then making her feel shit for it...parent teacher relationship with their own son, farmed him off to a nanny, have staff for their every whim...never questioned, always coddled, money insulating them from having any manners.

OP can you just leave your DH to go next time?