Feeling embarrassed after in-laws asked me to bring my own treats

[twentie]

I am so embarassed.

When I last went to stay with my in laws in Asia who are very wealthy people, they were very generous and kept saying, order whatever you want. They had an app where you could get pretty much anything delivered in 30 minutes.

I know they use this all day every day, freshly squeezed orange juice, cake, coffee.

They really emphasised they wanted me to use it. They got the bill and I really struggle with food.

So I did. And I ordered a freshly squeezed orange juice and my favourite bar of chocolate each day.

This chocolate costs £4 in the UK so is just a bit too expensive for me to enjoy here and I never buy freshly squeezed orange juice, because again it's too expensive. So this was luxurious.

But in this country the chocolate bar, because it's imported costs £6/7.

I really didn't think they minded as they kept asking if I wanted another one. Wanted me to feel welcome with my home comforts. It was lovely to feel a little bit of luxury, because I have been scrimping a bit at home and I never doubted that they could afford it as they ordered similar for themselves.

Well we're going back next week and I was really looking forward to the orange juice and chocolate.

MIL just message DP asking me to bring my own chocolate because I forgot last time and it was too expensive over there and cheaper here. And she has brought me oranges so I can squeeze my own juice, as it's cheaper.

I just feel so embarrassed. Like they thought I was being cheeky and couldn't tell me. I am mortified and wish I hadn't ordered anything.

But also feel so much less welcome. Why encourage me to use it so much if they thought that?

Also I know it may seem dramatic but I am not looking forward to go as much. Theres never really much for me to eat or drink over there as I really dislike the food they cook as I tend to like plain food. So knowing I can order these little snacks and drinks I really enjoy really perks me up and made my day.

Just a rant really

What foods were served? Maybe people could then help make suggestions for how the meals could be adapted and maybe this could be translated in advance?

@twentie I did not feel I could have asked for toast

But you did feel you could order orange and chocolate daily?

Is there a reason you couldn’t go out and buy bread for yourself?

But they did mean it and followed through. If they hadn’t really meant it they would have stopped her.

@Aluna I was offered the app for snacks so I felt I could. I wasn't offered to use the kitchen to make anything for myself. So I could have probably snuck in some bread and hid it in my room.

@twentie

Is the chocolate the Dubai chocolate bar, OP?

Is it the case that you refused all the food you were offered and got by on just chocolate and orange juice?

Does your husband never eat any dishes from his country of origin when at home with you?

This has to be a joke 😂 bored journo?!

Why should they pay for your expensive treats, and why did you feel the need to let them pay for the treats every day? And it isn't their fault you don't like their cooking.

When I have someone to stay, I happily pay for ingredients for daily meals, but any extras and people will always offer to pay. Eg my son's girlfriend loved baking cakes when they came to stay - 2 a day - so she would pop out and get all the ingredients. When my sister comes to stay with her teenage kids, they eat A LOT, so she pops to the local Asda and buys them stuff.

I know if I had as much money as them I would love to treat my family and £10 is very little to them

~you aren't entitled to their money. My sister is rich and I've never dreamed of asking her to treat me.

I didn't refuse any food. It was just very spicy and everyone was telling me it wasn't. So I ate little bits to be polite but it was way too spicy and I didn't enjoy it at all. So when I was hungry and they ask me if I wanted more chocolate I said yes please.

Blimey, people will pick fault in anything.

If I was going to stay with someone and they messaged me to say they'd got something in for me, I'd be really appreciative!

Common, you can’t possibly be this dense?! It isn’t black or white. There are shades of grey in communication. If OP had been taught manners she would not have behaved so badly.

And no one stopped her from communicating that she was struggling with the food. She could have easily gone out with DP and purchased bread, eggs, cheese, fruit etc. In most asian countries the above mentioned items are very cheap. Instead she chose to continuously take and order ridiculously expensive things which by her own admission she doesn’t even buy in UK and it is cheaper here! 🙄

What was it though? Could it not simply be cooked separately for you? If it was chicken for example could you not explain that you would like it without a sauce?
What were foods served with? For example pasta or rice could be eaten plain if you don't like toppings.

I don't feel entitled to their money. They made it clear they wanted to treat me and kept encouraging me to use the app. They were using the app buying cookies and smoothies, coffees and freshly squeezed orange juices. The smoothies were £7. DP encouraged me to use it too. There was nothing he wanted so he didn't use it.

But why did you accept expensive, imported chocolate instead of asking for something like plain rice and veggies?

Trying to imagine what the £4 chocolate per day was, even 100g of Lindt is less than that. And 100g a day is a huge amount. I think they thought you were greedy esp if not eating their food.

No one is covered in glory here but the in laws seem to come out of it looking worst.

Sounds like they use the app for snacks, told the OP to do so and the DP also encouraged this.

I suspect that the in laws grew gradually more offended that OP did not like or willingly try any of their local cuisines and would rather live on chocolate. Rather than addressing this by asking what plainer foods she could manage (surely plain rice, bread, salad must be possible) it feels like they've "punished" and embarrassed her by effectively saying "buy your own snacks next time weirdo" and superficially blaming the cost, which doesn't seem to be the actual issue.

I can find fussy eaters pretty exasperating but this is not how to deal with it. I would never want a guest in my home to go hungry or feel humiliated.

Well yeah because they weren’t expecting you to be so difficult about food.

But given you are it would have been politer and more sensible to have a word with DP, go out and buy some bread and eggs and eat them quietly in the kitchen. And a lot cheaper.

And that was lovely and generous of them!

Why did your DP keep encouraging you to order from the app?

@twentie Maybe this is a cultural thing but if I am staying at someone’s house I’m paying for anything I order for myself, my husband and kids. I wouldn't order things from an app and not leave the money for it. Offered or not.

no food was ever offered to be cooked separately for me.

It was never: op you are really struggling with the meals, is there something else you would like. Or OP you can ask the chef to cook you something different.Or OP if you want something different you can use the kitchen

instead it was: you need to try more of our food to find what it's like. The next meal isn't as spicy you will like it (it was)

The kitchen felt off limits. DP even said he wasn't comfortable using it. The kitchen looks industrial, the staff don't speak the same language and they all hang out there , and we were never offered to use it.

You are dense. Nothing to do with how you are brought up.

3 grown arsed adults are telling her to order from the app. She does.

Does your DP not talk to his parents at all?

@Aluna DP just kept saying to order meals through their app they don't mind. So I got frustrated because it felt cheeky and I did mind. So I downplayed how hungry I was. It wasn't a financial option for me to order my own meals through this app.

Why are you taking this so personally? Can you relate to this selfish behaviour, perhaps? Maybe you’re not very good at reading the room, either? If my child came to me and told me they were in this situation I would be MORTIFIED at their behaviour and lack of communication. You’ll note the word “CHILD” there.

Why would it be offered? You have to ask. Dear me.