Feeling embarrassed after in-laws asked me to bring my own treats

[twentie]

I am so embarassed.

When I last went to stay with my in laws in Asia who are very wealthy people, they were very generous and kept saying, order whatever you want. They had an app where you could get pretty much anything delivered in 30 minutes.

I know they use this all day every day, freshly squeezed orange juice, cake, coffee.

They really emphasised they wanted me to use it. They got the bill and I really struggle with food.

So I did. And I ordered a freshly squeezed orange juice and my favourite bar of chocolate each day.

This chocolate costs £4 in the UK so is just a bit too expensive for me to enjoy here and I never buy freshly squeezed orange juice, because again it's too expensive. So this was luxurious.

But in this country the chocolate bar, because it's imported costs £6/7.

I really didn't think they minded as they kept asking if I wanted another one. Wanted me to feel welcome with my home comforts. It was lovely to feel a little bit of luxury, because I have been scrimping a bit at home and I never doubted that they could afford it as they ordered similar for themselves.

Well we're going back next week and I was really looking forward to the orange juice and chocolate.

MIL just message DP asking me to bring my own chocolate because I forgot last time and it was too expensive over there and cheaper here. And she has brought me oranges so I can squeeze my own juice, as it's cheaper.

I just feel so embarrassed. Like they thought I was being cheeky and couldn't tell me. I am mortified and wish I hadn't ordered anything.

But also feel so much less welcome. Why encourage me to use it so much if they thought that?

Also I know it may seem dramatic but I am not looking forward to go as much. Theres never really much for me to eat or drink over there as I really dislike the food they cook as I tend to like plain food. So knowing I can order these little snacks and drinks I really enjoy really perks me up and made my day.

Just a rant really

That’s because they have good manners, which you don’t sound overly familiar with, and to object could be super rude.

OP is a grown up who did not seem able to self regulate.

you only know one side of the story. Maybe they meant order something cheaper not repeatively the same two expensive items, or were just being polite but didn’t expect op to actually order every single day at their expense?

Because they didn't want her to go hungry, but they also don't want a repeat of her behaviour.

I’m from “different cultures” my friend. 😁 And how this Asian family behaved is no different to how polite and generous English friends would have behaved.

To be fair it seems like she was quite happy to subsist on one bar of daily chocolate, as since the last visit it doesn’t seem she’s made any effort to find a local food she’d enjoy or even to stock up on her own pantry items to bring for her next stay. She says she was looking forward to the daily chocolate and OJ on the next visit. So they haven’t neglected what’s she likes, but understandably they don’t want her to expect this again on the next visit.

I don't buy the chocolate in the UK no as I can't afford it, it's a treat. But also I was so hungry, low energy and craving sugar the whole trip. They were encouraging me to choose what I wanted from that app and that's what I chose and they seemed happy with it. They kept encouraging me every day.

I went on the app and didn't recognise the snack brands other than this one. I just wolfed the chocolate down as it was the only food there that I wanted and I was craving sugar.

There was a full meals on the app but it felt rude and cheeky to order them.

I did try their food, I tried everything, they kept wanting me to try more but I just didn't like any of it. It all contains so many ingredients that I have never heard of where I am used to avocado on toast.

It would have felt rude to ask the chef to make me avocado on toast without being offered.

I am fine eating any normal food that you may service at a UK dinner party, lasagnas, chicken, salads, fish etc, so I am not a picky eater if I know the foods. My spice tolerance is very low and I find all the none spicy options are spicy.

You could have asked for toast, ffs!

So, what are you going to do now, to make this trip less of a shambles?

If the in laws can send pass agg messages about buying in oranges they can actually ask what a guest in their house would like to eat. It is simple good manners

its up to your partner to ensure there will be food there that you will enjoy, he should be speaking to his parents to ensure there is, surely he can tell you if it’s rude or not to ask kitchen tkk ok make you toast and tomato?

Everybody only knows one side of the story because we only have OP's account. That is how it works on MN generally.

didn’t expect op to actually order every single day at their expense?

They should try using their mouths then.

@twentie have you discussed this with your partner? I’m confused as to why he can’t help you identify food you’d like while there or help you to access the right food. Also can he explain his parents intent behind the message? It sounds like he’s very passive in all of this and doesn’t want to help or support you.

Grown ups eat things they don’t like to be polite.

Also that’s not even close to what I think most people would serve at a uk dinner party. Lasagna? Really?

Surely buying in oranges is sensible given that they know OP wants daily fresh juice? How on earth is it passive aggressive 😂

Her own DP was effusive about her ordering from the app. She took it literally from her DP or should we not take things literally when three people are telling us to order and being encouraging?

@twentie It would have felt more rude to talk to your DP and the chef about making an omelette rather than ordering daily orange juice and chocolate on the app?

Chocolate is not what you eat when you’re starving. And why are you craving sugar? If that’s an issue in your life why not your own supply Why couldn’t you go to the shops and buy stuff for yourself?

You seem unable to regulate too.

Her DP sounds very neglectful and uncaring towards her.

??

Buying oranges isn’t passive aggressive. Sending a note to announce that you have done so (as if it is in any way noteworthy to get food in for a guest) is passive aggressive

But instead of trying to prevent sugar cravings this time (eg by bringing your own healthier snacks), you've said that you were really looking forward to the daily chocolate bars again?

Then they just needed to open their mouths and tell her or their own son rather than fake generosity.

@Shinyandnew1 they didn't have bread. I did not feel I could have asked for toast, if I felt I could I would have asked for it. I felt like they wanted me to eat more of their spicy food and felt the more I ate the more I would like it. And not to worry as I was sure to like the next meal.

I did get frustrated with DP because he kept telling me to order pizzas on the app but they were expensive and the hosts hadn't specifically said I could have meals they offered me the app for snacks. They were only ordering snacks.

DP didn't feel comfortable in the kitchen and neither did I. So I didn't feel I could go in there and prepare myself something like a salad as that's where all the workers were. I was never offered this option.

My partner and the workers both don't have the same first language. The workers all come from a different place with a different language that only the in laws speak.

Does your DP never talk to his parents?

Except it’s a bit weird! You’re a grown arsed adult, living off chocolate and juice because you’re a fussy eater/can’t communicate your dietary needs, and expecting your in-laws to foot the bill? Absolutely not. Take some responsibility.

There are 3 grown arsed adults telling OP to order but not really meaning it. They should take responsibility for their actions.